I looked at your list of why you wanted to break up with him and I feel like they are all valid except the not having a lot in common part.
- He didn't make you feel very loved. While he didn't make you feel like you were loved, it's very possible he just did not know how to express how he truly felt. Or maybe he didn't have as much love as he felt and was just going through the "I love you" motions. Either way, the only way he could fix this is being on his own and not in the relationship to realize how he truly feels. When you always have somebody there and always have them kind of chirping in your ear, it's too easy to dimiss how you feel as an issue because you bank on the fact that they will always be there for you regardless. When they aren't however, is when you truly start to make some changes and thoughts. One mistake of letting him back in based on his desparation and your need for him. Nothing ultimately changed on his end and he will forever have that break up as ammunition against you. You accepted him as he is and tolerated his negative attributes. Toleration is not love.
- He was egotistical. What I've learned about relationships, especially at my age in the early twenties when we have so much to figure out with our life, is that we cannot simply put the relationship above ourselves. It's not safe because anything can happen (i.e. move into a new lover's apartment) and if that relationship was your number one priority and you don't have it anymore, where does that leave you? In pieces and feeling like you wasted so much time and effort that could be put towards other things. It's not wrong to think of himself above the relationship, but there is a better way to manage your time and effort to make somebody that is important to you feel like a bigger priority. When you say egotistical, it implies that he didn't do very much for you that he could have, and that is a problem. Tolerating that is not love, you could have only done it for so long and it would have cropped up in the future I imagine.
-Communication problems. Up there with dishonesty as relationship destroyers. You said you weren't on the right wavelength? Was it because you would try to tell him something and he wouldn't listen? Would he twist your words around? If that's the case, while he may not even realizing he is doing it, it is manipulative behavior and it's wrong. I used to do that myself with my ex girlfriends, and it was a learned behavior I grew up with.
---As for not having alot in common, I don't think that should be a serious issue. So he doesn't like what you like. He is his own individual as are you and it shouldn't be held against him in that respect. When we enter serious relationships, it's a feeling of constantly pushing two lives as one and we can really lose our identity and who we are if we just go with the flow. Does he not have an open mind? Does he adamantly refuse and not want to experience things that are important to you? There is a difference.
All perfectly acceptable reasons, and the fact that he didn't want to listen and put his needs first was shown in his crying and trying to get you back. He was crying sure, and I'm sure he cares, but was he doing it because he only cared about what you were doing to HIM? Because to just up and leave you one day for somebody else with little care to how you feel is typical selfish behavior. If he was honest about how he felt, he would have talked to you long before that other person came along. He may hit alot of things on your checklist but if you have a gut feeling, you should stick with it. You have alot of self worth and shouldn't feel like you have to settle.
Are you in your late thirties? Do you feel like the clock is ticking? Sorry if it's personal, just curious I suppose.
Last edited by cmacattack1; 23-01-10 at 12:21 AM.
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