Time to move on???

[Fate-l]

I'll TRY and keep this brief...

I've known her for about 10 years now, however, we only became really close over the last 2 years, as she used to live overseas. We were so close that often people would ask if we were dating and when we were alone together, it felt like we were.

We always had a very flirtatious, love/hate relationship going on, so much so that I may have sent the wrong signals, but I always knew she liked me and I liked her, but I was never ready to commit. Up until recently, everything she said and did signaled to me she still really liked me. So I decided that the games had to stop and told her how I really felt.

To my surprise she got really upset and broke down, and told me that she felt the same way a year ago but never thought I felt the same and assumed we would only be friends. In the heat of the moment, she said we couldn’t even be friends any more as things will never be the same.

The next morning I received a text saying how long it took her to accept that “I wasn’t interested in her” etc, etc. It went on to say that although things would be difficult, we shouldn’t stop trying to make our friendship work. As things stand, it’s been 3 weeks since our talk and we are not as close (physically/emotionally) as we used to be, but she still calls/text every day and we talk like nothing happened.

At this point, i’m very confused but still a little hung up on her, and I keep thinking that I should forget it happened and move on...Is this the right thing to do or am I missing something?

[sookie6]

I don't think you should give up so soon if you think you are in love.

I would give her some time to recover from your 'declaration' but in the meantime I would not give her the cold shoulder either.

Be affectionate, considerate and loving with her so that she knows that you are very serious about your feelings.

If she mis-reacts to this again, have a clear and grown-up conversation about your relationship with her.

Tell her 'My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever' ..oops sorry some Pride and Prejudice interference here..

[Fate-l]

I think you're right about the whole recovery thing, as I don't want to keep pushing this and want her to make the decision in her own time.

However, I think what's bugging me the most is that, while she still shows that she cares, sometimes I don't know if she still has the same level of interest or attraction as she used to. And it makes being affectionate and considerate very difficult as I don't want to smother her, to the point where I don't know if I should hang around or walk away...any ideas?

[sookie6]

Yes...coming back to the grown-up conversation above where you basically ask her to clarify what she wants.

I'd start by giving her a phone call. You explain that you would like to seat down and talk about what's going on between the two of you. You ask her is she is ok with this (you need to let her feel that it's cool and that you don't mean to put pressure on her).

Then you arrange for a time to meet. This way she has a bit of time to think about the conversation. She'll have time to recollect her thougts and hopefully she will make an informed decision...in your favour....or not!

What do you think?

[Fate-l]

Yeah thanks. Well that sounds like something that might have to happen down the track.

However, right now I think i've said what I wanted to and it's up to her to respond. But at the same time I get the feeling that, what she said that night is all there is to it...