Suckered

[Coco]

So when I first broke up with my fiance in August... I got back with him a couple months later... thinking therapy actually helped him. It made things worse and we broke up again in the last of December/beginning of this month.

I got news my ex fiance, his mother and aunt were in car crash. I went to see them in the hospital. Mother is doing fine. Aunt is fine. He is stilll in there with serious injuries. I didn't know what to think or do when I saw him. I just sat there holding his hand. Now I'm feeling guilt and hurt, sad... so many things because we argued this morning. He called me at 3am saying that he loved me and just wanted to hear my voice. I was so mad I answered the phone without looking first and I just let him have it.

I feel like I'm being punked and suckered back into him. I have no idea what to do with these emotions.

[cmacattack1]

If you guys broke up again, why are you guys still talking? With all the no contact getting thrown out here, why aren't you following it? I'm guessing you guys were still talking after the first break up and it didn't help did it? I don't know I just don't think there was enough time on his own and enough motivation to do some serious self reflection regardless of therepy. Have you changed since your break up too? If two people that broke up and neither changes or one changes, what makes you think that it will still last?

Sorry, that sucks that he was in such a serious accident. Hopefully this near death experience will give him the jumpstart that he needs to fix whats wrong on his end. You should work on yourself too.

[Coco]

If you guys broke up again, why are you guys still talking? With all the no contact getting thrown out here, why aren't you following it?

No we were not talking during the no contact. Our mutual friend, his best friend Johnathan called me crying his eyes out and told me what happened. I left my office and went to the hospital.

I'm guessing you guys were still talking after the first break up and it didn't help did it?

We didn't talk much during the first break up either. Only when he came to pick up our goddaughter we would bicker and he would leave.

I don't know I just don't think there was enough time on his own and enough motivation to do some serious self reflection regardless of therepy. Have you changed since your break up too?

Yeah I have changed since our break up. And he had been in therapy since July. I obviously learned that 5 months of therapy made him into a robot and it wasn't effective.

If two people that broke up and neither changes or one changes, what makes you think that it will still last?

??????? Don't really know what you are talking about here because I haven't mentioned anything about getting back with him.

[Heratriumphant]

Coco, now might be a great time to sit down and write a list of all the reasons your relationship will not work. Then make a list of all the time and all the ways he was just awful to you. Get it down in ink, so you can read it and re-read it as often as needed. Go back and read some of your threads here about what he's done too.

It's okay to be worried about him, and feel bad about his wreak, but you need to keep in mind at all times why you can not get back together with this man.

[Coco]

I'll do it. But I'm not good with situations like this. I feel so bad for being mean to him now.

[QueenofCorona]

I agree with Hera, don't let this accident disguise who he was/is. Nothing wrong with showing concern but be careful to not get sucked into an unhealty relationship out of guilt. Accidents are called accidents for a reason. Shit happens.

Side note, I keep getting you and Coca posts mixed up and totally thought you were a lesbian. My bad.

[Coco]

I shouldn't go back to the hospital and see him should I?

[Jagster1]

I once had an ex too, but the minute we broke up we just acted like we didn't even know eachother. You're not being suckered back to him. He just wants to know that you still love him... even if you are exes.

[Heratriumphant]

Coco, you don't have to be mean. Just stay polite, calm, firm and sure of yourself. You can do this girl, I already know your a first class survivor.

[Dogtoast]

you've gone once to show your support....thats probably enough for now

[Heratriumphant]

And, no don't go back to the hospital. You let him know you care and wish him well, go back to NC now.

If you really can't let it go, send him a getwell card wishing him a long and happy life THEN go complete NC.

[QueenofCorona]

Right. Unless you WANT to get back together with him, there's no reason to go down that path again. You don't owe him anything. Yeah, he might enjoy your company but what if he becomes attached or gets his hopes up and you aren't on the same page as him. Its not helping him and would end up hurting him in the long run.

[Jagster1]

Well, usually, I tell people "Listen to your heart for love. If you're out of options, listen to the brain." It works. Do exactly that. See what your heart thinks, then what the brain thinks.

[Gigabitch]

You need to have some BOUNDARIES, Coco. You can hold his hand without opening yourself to more of his crap. Caring about what happens to him is not the same thing as throwing yourself under the wheels.

You shouldn't go back to the hospital. You should be strong.

[Tallgeese]

hi again lost angel, I see you are still searching to find your way home. You must not lose sight of your destination. If your relationship with the robot ex already failed twice. Then you two aren't meant to be. Do not waste anymore energy on him that will only keep you longer from your path.