no hope i think but who knows

[Loveramix]

I really need a female advice here...

Most of the story can be read at this thread: 1-just-got-dumped-msn-after-wonderful-1y-relationship-need-help-pls (sry cannot link i m under 15 posts)
but since it's a bit a wall of text, i'll summarize:

Met her in 2007 while couchsurfing in Athens(she was my host). Didn't like her physically at all at first. But after one week at her place, i loved her personality. I've never met someone like her, so open minded, so honest, so innovative and right in educating her child.

We met a few other times, but we started going out in Berlin on the 1st of January 2009.
She fell in love with me. But i live in switzerland, so even though we managed to see each other a few weeks every 2 months, i started getting crazy, and she was missing me too much, each time much more, each time i found her more beautiful(although i didn't like her at all at first).

Background on myself : i had nothing to offer her. When i wrote her a letter about how much i loved her(which started it all) i said i was ready to go all the way to please her(i was an heroin addict, i drink too much etc,)
SHe accepted me. I pretty much managed to quit heroin but while she was away, i was still drinking too much, and i think she could listen to it on the phone many times.
But when we were together, i was behaving, still drinking, but casually.

Then ensues one year of my best relationship ever. I never thought i could learn to love someone, i thought you had to fall in love. But this time i wanted to try another approach, which was GREAT.

OK so i go to greece for the christmas vacation, all is great, just a hint i didn't pay too much attention at : her lack of enthusiasm about me speaking to come live in Greece. She just said my ideas weren't bad and perfectly doable(being a private french teacher).

Last phone call : she misses me awfully, we laugh, we have phone sex, she tells me it's been a long time since she didn't play since i was gone, and it was only one week...She complains that it's sooo long, she misses me soo much etc.

THen, 3 days later on msn : I don't love you anymore, and i hate myself for that.

Explanation on the phone : she met a guy she hasn't seen for 25 years, and they made love, and now she wants to spend her life with him


WHAT THE ****KKKKKK


BEside note : she has been faithful(and i'm sure of that) the whole year, which is A HUGE DEAL for her, because she looooves sex. Still she never cheated on me, and reacted in a preventive way when she felt it was going to happen : "GOOOOO AWAAAAAY". And i completely believe her.


So...the thing is that i still want to live in Greece. She told me she was still ok to help me achieve this. I don't think she'll come back. But i also doubt her story with the guy. IMHO since she has an 8 y. o son, she feared that problems could arise, that my drinking wasn't a good example.even though i was down to 3 beers/day when i left her.

SO for now i am in NC. But i need her help to move.(i had sooo much fun, and if mostly because of her, i found out that i loved Athens' life.

The NC is not a trouble for now because i have to wait to ask her questions and stuff since i don't want to move before the end of summer. But still, i really would like her back she's a 9.9 on 10.

Can i use the excuses of asking for things i'm wondering about greek life to break No Contact? Plus i really have reasons to do so, i was supposed to do a website that she would translate into greek, and many other things...
I don't want to say anything meaning begging, telling how much i miss her etc. I just want to speak to her and ask genuine questions, with the hope of being able to discern if there's still a possibility for us.

Bad idea or not?

[girl68]

One thing that really jumps out at me is 3 times in that post you point direction to the fact that she's pretty hideous to you.

Just a thought maybe this new guys made her feel beautiful 9.9 inside and 9.9 outside.

[Loveramix]

NO SHE IS NOT!!!

if you read well, she was at the start. Now i love each thing i used to dislike. Come on, you're going to tell me it's not a good idea to overcome some physical traits you dislike?

But i agree, i could have been more flattering to her.

Still...that's not the point. Believe me she wasn't in need of compliments, even if it was not physical ones(and there were some...(like :" i love your smile" "i like your nose"etc)
but i m pretty sure i'm ****ed...still...i would do anything to have her back

[girl68]

I read jsut perfectly. You put a lot (3 times) of emphasis on how ugly she is. Women aren't stupid, I'm just saying she could have picked up on this. And if another man IS into the way she looks and made her feel that way well that one up's you in alot of ways.

[reeges]

you aren't going to find a foolproof work-every time win-her-back method on this or any other site.


you want her back, by all means go for it. if you want to get info on greece, it depends on your situation. do you feel your relationship could function that level? can she handle you on a friendly level? can you handle her?

best of luck whatever you decide. but you have to decide.

P.S. girl68 has a point - why did you feel it necessary to reference her appearance so much, if it means so little to you? obviously you're aware of how she looks, or you wouldn't have brought it up three times in a single forum post.

[Loveramix]

ok i reread my post and the 3td and most obvious reference at her looks make me look like a real jerk...like if i was doing her a favor to still want her back, although she's the most precious person in my life....

I?ll edit the post, you are completely right.

ok i have to decide, it's decided. Everyone says NC works the best, but i feel i won't be able to stay longer without talking to her.

So how should i go for it? all was so unexcpected i'm completely lost.

[Loveramix]

bump...

please...any kind of brainstorming is welcomed. i miss her too much...still NC but i'm not sure it's the best thing to do to try to get her beck

[reeges]

in my experience after breaking up with a guy girls don't want him tagging after them 24 7. in other words: back off on any and all "i want you back" talk.

just a forewarning: what may seem sweetly persistent to you will seem annoyingly clingy to her. my advice? back off for a bit. if you love her, respect her choice for right now - let her be without you for a while.

in a month or so, when your heads have cleared and you seem the sauve, responsible, handles-things-like-an-adult exboyfriend, you can start to re-establish yourself as friends.

and from there.....