Help- does he like me?

[Lulu]

So I met a hot guy at the bar (not a usual thing for me!)- he was eager to go out, said, "what are you doing tomorrow"- I ended up going out with him a few days later- great date; sushi, listened to a band, he held my hand and asked when he could see me again. He came over a few nights later and made me dinner (he pointed out on the first date that he is broke- waiter, bad time of year for money, etc.) and it was very awkward. He made great food, brought wine, we each drank one glass and watched two VERY lame movies on TV. He sat next to me but did not try to make any moves- not even a kiss. Finally I cuddled up to him and he started to make out with me a little, nothing hot and heavy- although I was totally into it! He eventually fell asleep on my couch when we were cuddling. I got up to go to the bathroom and when I came back he said, "well- I should get going kiddo" he got his coat and gave me a hug- told ME to call HIM when I got my new work schedule. So I wait four days- called him last night. Conversation was kind of ordinary, "what are you doing, how's work, etc." he said," I was going to call you the other day but didn't know if you would be busy because of having to work (I do twelve hour midnight shifts). I said, "Call anytime- leave a message and I can always call you back." He said okay, and I told him I had to get going and had a lot of stuff to do around the house. I never brought up my new schedule, neither did he, he never said anything about getting together again, he did say that he has been broke and was looking up free sites (coupons??) on the internet. I just don't get this guy- I mean, he answered when I called- is this a GOOD thing? No mention when we should get together again- weird. He is always saying how broke he is- and I am not- I have a job making $25 hourly- maybe he is leery of this? And I have a child- he doesn't have any- he said on the first date he was cool with kids (he asked if I had any and so I told him then)- but when he was at my house, he didn't say a word about my daughter, her pictures, etc. Ugh. What is going on in his head? Is he shy, why answer if he isn't interested? Why say he "almost called"?? HELP!

[TheWizard]

It's really hard to get an accurate read, only you know for sure. Your gut is telling you something is amiss, and it's probably not far from the truth. Make no mistake, initial attraction for guys is sex appeal. It's just how we're wired... after getting to know you, and he did, he's probably been thinking on it.

I'll tell you straight up that if the words 'My daughter" or "my son" come out at any point during a date I tend to recluse into my shell a bit. I'm just not at that point in my life where I'm ok with that kind of situation, and every man is different.

The moves have been made though, so ask him to go out again. You've already kissed and whatnot so there is something there, don't wait for him to set up the next date tell him you want to do something in that womanly way women always do. IE - drop subtle hints about future things you would like to do.

[Lulu]

Yeah- well I called him like he told me to- but he never mentioned going out again or asked about my schedule- Since I called him last- shouldn't I wait for him to call me? When he mentioned that he was thinking of calling me the other day, I encouraged him to do so. I wonder if calling him would push him further into recluse- like not only do I have A CHILD- but now I am calling him multiple times and trying to ask HIM out on a third date! He mentioned wanting to teach me how to shoot a gun (on our first date) so the last time around, I mentioned it and he said "some other time". I was thinking of a lesser costly date since he keeps telling me how broke he is, so it seems like he should know that he could always suggest this again if he is too broke to take me out....should I just wait it out for him to call or do I take on the role of the pursuer and call him yet again, asking him out?

[Lulu]

Anybody? Everyone I've discussed this with is stumped. You guys are my only hope...Come on, men. You must have some insight here...

[selke]

After reading the OP, I thought the guy was just shy...

[H0peful]

Hmm interesting. I know I'm a lil bit on the shy side. I do think he is a little shy, although I think however shy, any man would know to at least talk to your child. There may or may not be a problem there, idk.

Even if you chose not to b the "pursuer" maybe you need to think like one? Sometimes, if a lady drops a hint, I might drop a hint back at them, and maybe I wouldn't act on it until it's been tossed back and forth and I KNOW FOR SURE it will be a good idea.

Another reason for his weird actions is his wealth maybe? I'm kind of chivalrous and I try to be a gentleman (which me may quite be since he didn't try anything during the movie). I would instead save up so I could pay for some exciting date, and it's just taking him a while to get a hold of the money? I know I would hate to always rely on the woman. Though this is the case, I would've personally still asked about the schedule.

Not much of an answer, but if I were that man, thats what I would do.

[Lulu]

My daughter wasn't there- but he was looking at a photo of her on my refrigerator and didn't say anything about it. So- should I call him AGAIN at some point to see if he wants to do something, or just wait it out? I don't text so I can't really do it that way. It's just the good old telephone method....

[H0peful]

Sorry I'm gona have to leave this open to you b/c it really does depend on what your feeling about him and what YOU think of HIM. Don't worry if he likes you or not. (I think he might if hes the shy or gentleman-y type, but if he is anything else, he might not sorry!) But honestly, I think its perfectly okay if you try to pursue him if you really like him. If he doesn't show an interest during next date, THATS OK because it's not like you two would'v gotten anywhere since if he isn't interested hes not gonna ask you out again and you would just be waiting for nothing. If he does open up a little, you can give him another chance to see if he asks you out. And if he doesn't but you feel like everything went pretty well (and he should be asking you for another date), I think it would be ok if you confronted him about it... b/c if he is into you he should ask you out unless there is a reason not to, a reason which either must be shared for the wellbeing of the relationship.

[TheWizard]

you're kind of in the awkward part of the "game". Rules about calling and whatnot... it's like this - from a guys perspective of course - if it feels like things are going well I pursue it further. If my gut is wrenching, or I know in my heart it's not going to be romantic for the both of us I'll put it as such so as not to lead the other person on.

He's probably one of a couple things.
1) Shy, like the others mentioned. If this is the case any overt offer to hang out from you should help you figure it out. If you tell him you really want to try some restaurant out, or go to a special place you like to frequent just the two of that makes it pretty crystal clear. If he doesn't take the bait it's probably one of the others here... if MONEY is the issue here maybe make an offer up front to take him out to a favorite spot you like to get coffee and tel him his coffee is on you etc.

2) He's having second thoughts. Perhaps he's talking to his friends about it, thinking deep on the implications, etc, in which case take it slow and try and get a vibe on his reactions without pestering the hell out of him

3) Something completely unrelated is blocking him from pursuing you as a relationship right now. Maybe money is tight, a family member died, he suddenly started feeling depressed - it could be anything. If you think this might be the case it's 50/50 - being persistent might pay off, or he might not care enough about this aspect of his life right now enough to keep playing.

If he's talking to you that's a plus. If I don't like a girl or don't want to communicate with them anymore I won't answer - or I'll tell them politely to stop calling me. If I was shy I would ignore the calls.

You're really the best judge on this there are so many things it could be... all we can do is give you ideas to brainstorm on, and tat can be problematic in its own way.

[Lulu]

Thanks- I'm going to stick it out for a few days- I'm working non-stop all weekend anyways. Here's the deal, though- he is a smokin' hot bartender- how can he be shy??! A co-worker knew him about ten years ago from high school and said he was a good guy- but she even said, "he might be an alcoholic" because he partied alot back in the day. My guess is he is pondering the whole kid thing....

[bo_salecta]

maaaybbe! id say just keeep it going...but stay kiinda natural..dont suddenly burst into desperate mode like alot of peeps wud do in ur situation.

[Lulu]

Yeah- but how do you keep it natural without looking "desperate"- I mean, I've already called HIM last- do I call him yet again and still manage not to look like a boy chaser? Especially I were to ASK HIM to hang out again....keep in mind- I don't text, there is no other form of communication but the telephone with us- we haven't exchanged email addresses and I don't do facebook so....

[Asip4u]

So after he was with you and made out this happened? It could just mean he wasn't feeling it Lulu. Don't call him. If he felt something and those weren't excuses, he will call you.

[Lulu]

Okay....I will do just that. AND- if he does ever call again- I will be sure to let all of you guys know! Thanks! XOXO

[Lulu]

So a mutual friend says that she suspects he may be an alcoholic! Ugh. She's not for sure, though. And- funny thing is, I just became a mom of TWO- my sister just asked me to take her daughter and raise her for a while because she is not in a good situation to do it herself- so I bet he would really freak finding this info. out if he was initially fearful of dating me because I had a child.....If he EVER calls me again- I don't know how I'll break that news to him.