Still in love?

[Californication]

My bf and I broke up (actually he broke up with me) 4 months ago. Everything was fine, sex was perfect, relationship too (i mean normal couples fights, nothing to worry about!). Then, my bf just said that it's over, didn't know why and how ... I was hurt, couldn't believe he was leaving me; specially that he was actually crazy about me.

After 4 months, I decided to call him. He was truly happy, he asked immediatly if we can meet sometime and go out again. I was surprised and couldn't help myself but I said " I got someone in my life" (it was true, but we broke up now!).

Anyway, I hurt him and I know that. Then, I remember that he asked that we can meet and have sex. I was surprised again ! I said no, even if things weren't going well with the guy I met after him; I didn't want to betray him. So I said " No thank you!"

We kept in touch, we were sending like text messages every night (not talking about sex !) and I was still very much in love with him but I couldn't tell him! Then, I asked him what he feels about me now, he said " I don't love you like before", "I can't get commited right now" bla bla bla !

Anyway, we had some 'minor' fights, I was pissed off and like frustrated because I didn't hear till now the answer I wanted from him!

Finally, he just CHANGED ! he calls me often and we talk on msn PLUS, he asked like 5 times to come to see him in his place ( I refused and he still insist), I told him that I don't want sex, he said it's ok we can go out, no problem !

He finally admitted that he misses me and he's kind of jealous when I tell him about the guys that I met here and there.

When we talk on the phone, he's like a "glue"... He wants to talk over and over again. Even if we don't say anything, and I'm like " I don't know what to say...maybe I should leave you now, u got to have many things to do" he says " No, No...stay a little, still wanna talk with u".

I'm confused actually, we met just once after the break up (we took coffee) and he was acting like he used to be, in love and nice. Staring at me, making jokes. Trying to touch my legs under the table (with his leg lol).

He also acts like he's in love in the phone, he did several things that makes me think, he still loves me but I'm still confused because he also says he misses everything about me including having sex with me !

WHAT DO YOU THINK? please forgive me for the lenght.

PS/ WE WERE TOGETHER FOR A YEAR

[techboy78]

To be honest with you, it seems that he now sees you as a challenge... He wants you more now because he is with someone else but like he said himself 'He doesn't love you like he did once'. I respect you for now saying yes to his advances just yet. If you do want to get with him that way, do the right thing and break it off with the guy you are with first. If it was his choice back then to break up with you, for whatever reason, then that should have been that. Next time, you talk to him, make sure that's the last time you talk to him before something happens that you regret.

[Californication]

Actually he's single now and I'm too. (I broke up with the guy ...)

He didn 't see anyone else after the break up ! I'm the one who was actually flirting around and meeting new people, triying to forget about him.

He still got pictures of me and he didn't block me or remove me in msn.

I can't say YES even now and have sex with him. I don't want to do something I'm gonna regret as u said.

Till now, things are going well... but when he mentions sex, I mean it's normal. It's not that he's actually 100% obssessed about it. When you miss someone you love, you miss everything about this person, even having sex with her !

But I'm still confused.

At first, he couldn't say "I miss u", after a month (I think 3 weeks), he just couldn't help himself but say it !

But I like your point actually

[davidtorres]

Its really up to you. I think you should ask him why he broke up with you and if the reason is shady then find another guy.

[Californication]

He actually wasn't clear enough about WHY he broke up with me but I'm pretty sure it's because he was afraid of getting engaged.

I mean we talked about marriage and he started to feel a kind of pressure. i was really not making pressure, I remember saying pretty often, I wasn't quite ready and we still need time.

He just said he wasn't quite sure why he left me.

I'm confused cause he doesn't hate me, he acts like the first day we met. I don't make this up just to feel better, when i'm with him, I see a man in LOVE !
When I'm far away, he's just normal. Calls and asks how was my day, when We gonna meet next time...etc.

That's it. Confusing : /

[1337lizard]

Get a clear response about why he broke up with you in the first place. The fact of the matter is that you could get back together for 6 months or 6 years and then break up again because he didn't resolve whatever issue caused the first break up.

Honestly, he's lying about not knowing why he broke up with you. A guy doesn't break up with a girl for no reason and not have any idea why he did it. He knows why he broke up with you and you two need to confront the issue together if you want to get back into each other's lives or the issue could repeat. Good luck miss Californication

[Californication]

Well he says he feels a kind of pressure concerning the marriage "thing". He says every girl dreams about her wedding day and bla bla bla. He says also he's not happy with his current job and not ready yet to be engaged to anybody. He also says ... That he can't be involved in any kind of relationship right now, cause he's just not ready yet to settle down !

Still confusing : /

I mean he's not acutally looking for a girlfriend and not interested in the whole "girlfriend" idea. He got a very busy schedule with his job (really have no time to go around and flirt with girls).

When he actually got time, he asks me to come and see him.

Another thing is (I have to admit it ... shame on me), when he first started this "lame" job, his schedule was soooo busy (worked even the week ends) I couldn't see him for months. So, I started thinking that he was seeing somebody else during the week ends (not working). I regret it now, I was mean at that time and harsh on him.

Now, I'm quite happy about the situation. He always finds a time for me.

All I know now is that he'sn't happy about his job ! He also mentionned some stuff about me not trusting him, doubts and stuff... I was jealous...etc; I changed really. I think he noticed that, that's why he's slowly coming back.

That's it.

Thank you 1337lizard

[1337lizard]

It bothers me that he's chasing you but says he doesn't want to date you. By doing that he's effectively making you unavailable emotionally to other men and yet what he's saying is that he's currently keeping himself available. I can understand not being ready to settle down, however that doesn't mean that dating is out of the question. The only time I've heard that used is when the person saying it is doing some shopping.

And to be honest, not being able to see him for months, even when he was off is a little fishy and I would have questioned the relationship in your place too. Why is it that with so little time off and so much time not being able to see you, he wasn't willing to have you over when he did have free time?

[Californication]

Well, yes like 3 months I didn't see him, but he was sweet and so nice to me like usual. He missed me and we met few days before my birthday because he knew he won't see me on my birthday and he even brought a gift.

I mean I tried to explain to him why I started having doubts but he didn't listen, plus he actually made few mistakes (flirting ...) , I remember I broke up with him for like 2 weeks (It was way before he started this job and all that shit...We were at the begining of the relationship) and he was going crazy, calling me everyday and telling me he's crazy about me and can't loose me : / So I believe I was right to not to trust him at that time.

Now, I can confirm that he really didn't have time to see me. I was a little bit selfish, I never tried before to understand the nature of his job and how it works actually (the time schedule) I mean it's little bit complicated.

Now that I understand the whole situation, he keeps on inviting me to come over his place (2hours drive from my town to his place).

He can't actually come to my town, he really doesn't even have time to see his parents over here : /

I remember when he started his job, he used to have his week ends off and instead of visiting his parents and friends, he was seeing me.

And you're riiiiight, he's actually making me unavailable emotionally and i'm like...what the hell, I don't want to marry you now but he says ( you want some day) ... so I don't know, he doesn't want me out of his life and keeps on acting like a boyfriend, his other ex-gilfriend still think we're together ... I mean, I don't get it.