Got played like a fool, again

[chillingsr]

Not sure if you have read my previous posts but a short recap: First loves, going out since high school, attended same college, together 4 1/2 years, lived at my house for the last 3 years. She's now 20 and I am 22. She said she needed time and space a little over 2 months ago. At first I begged and pleaded and nothing got accomplished. So I decided to do NC. Had NC for about 4 weeks. She called me here and there but I never answered. Finally about a week ago she kept calling me. I had been feeling much better so I contacted her back. She sounded so happy to hear from me and said she wanted to meet up and see me. So last monday I meet up with her and she is all over me. Hugging me, saying how much she missed me, we go so well together, etc..... She told me that she feels so comfortable and naturdal around me and that we have a special bond being each other's first true love and for me being her first for everything. So that night is good and I just played it off. Next day she calls me like 2 times just to talk, next day i see her quick and she says again how much she misses me, etc... Next day same thing. She says she wants to be friends and hang out and stuff. I'm like not sure if I can do that yet. I asked her what do you mean hang out. She says "you know, go to dinner, the movies, hang out with your friends". I'm like, isn't that dating. She's like "I don't know", i just want to be able to see you. So she says friday we should hang out. I'm like "ok". Well friday comes and goes with no phone calls. So saturday I phone her and she is at her grandparents house, and she doesn't sound the same on the phone. I tell her what the hell is going on. You act like you really wanna hang out with me and when we both have time during our busy schedules to hang out, we don't. That's how the conversation ended until monday. We talked but nothing good got said. So last night I she calls me during class and after class I call her back. She acts like everything is OK now, but its not. I told her she was leading me on and why was she doing this to me again. She told me that she had seen a guy a few times that she has known since she was 12 but she wasn't sure what was going on with them. She never thought of the guy this way and they have never been super close. She tells me that he is an a**hole to her and that is what she deserves. Nothing really serious has happened with them, she told me the whole story. Then she tells me in a month she is moving out into an apartment with a girl from work and that she is a totally different person now. She says she needs to get out of her house (3 brothers). She has talked about this for like 1 1/2 years. We had plans to move out. She tells me she still loves me and misses me and didn't know why she did what she did. She said she was extremely sorry for leading me on she just wanted to see me really badly and wanted to keep me in her life. Last night was horrible, I feel like I am back at square one again. Getting rejected by the ex after it seemed like she wanted to get back together. I don't understand her, she says she needs to experience life and different things. We will now end on a horrible note for the second time in the past 2 1/2 months. I hate this sh*t. I can't believe this happened again and I was preparing myself for this but it just hit me so hard again. What the hell do I do? She says she so wants to make it up to me and that she wants to be friends but I can't do this. I can't sit here and watch her move on. We were supposed to move out together. She only experienced me in high school and college. Never had her own good times and memories and I think now she is seeing things outside the box and going crazy. She just goes from one extreme to the other and is confusing me and herself. NC opened her eyes for a week and now they are closed again. Guess it's time to start NC again and truly move on. Just having a bad day and I needed to vent.

[toto]

Hard times! It seems to me that she wants someone to fall back on and she knows you will be there for her. Time to move on, and start exploring outside the box yourself. Its hard at this time in life because opportunities open up for both of you and when one person doesn't want to be in a relationship, its not worth putting up with!!!

[Kermy]

Yeah it sure does seem like she just needs somebody to fall back on. You should still be friends with he and let her know you're there but not get too attached. Distant friends if anything. However, I wouldn't cross dating her or being friends with her off your list just yet. Maybe not now or anywhere in the near future but down the road you never know right? Just don't cross her off your list yet, it wouldn't be fair for yourself or her.

But I think in the meantime you should stick it out and just don't see her for a bit. Like maybe at least for 3-5 months? See the way I see it is she is just using you as a friend. When she does find a new bf or something then you can sure bet she won't be calling you out or wanting to "hang out" anymore. Knowing that you are her first for a lot of things she's got some expectations for you to provide her a lot of support probably because she doesn't know who else to turn to? You should give her the support she needs regardless but like I said, not to a point where you get too attached or get played. If hanging out with her will make you feel this way then maybe you guys shouldn't hang out or at least not hang out as often. Maybe, just talk with her on the phone about the problems she's got...etc.

Sometimes people just need somebody there to listen. Not even really wanting to ask for advice, just having somebody to listen to them is more than enough.

Good luck.

[Jenrick285]

Ouch, I'm sorry... Perhaps she's feeling comfortable with you is why. You two were together for quite some time. I would go back to the no contact routine until really feel comfortable around her, and able to take a step back to be sure as to what she wants from you.

Burn me once...Shame on you
Burn me twice.....shame on me.
Burn me thrice .....