Dealing with a chronic liar. Please help!

[1337lizard]

I'm in a bit of a bind here. My girlfriend keeps making promises and breaking them or straight up lying to me. Last night she told me she was at her place and wasn't. We talked this morning and worked it out. I was extremely upset but she had promised me to try to stop lying and I told her that I would be more chill.

Well tonight she tells me she is going over to some friends for a couple hours and that she wants to come back and spend the night with me. She said she would be back in two hours tops and if plans changed then she would let me know. Well it's two and half hours later and she is no longer responding to me through phone. She's either ignoring me or she has fallen asleep or something, I don't know. But this is the second time in two nights, and I'm getting tired of the lies. It's been constantly like this where she lies to me about where she's going, who she's with, what her plans are, when she'll be back, etc.

Can anyone give me some advice? I'm trying to trust her but this is just a constant erosion of trust. How do I get her to be more honest with me?

[AustinGuy]

I'd be out. I don't deal with that bullshyt. It's just becomes more problematic as time goes on. What real reason does she have to lie to you? As long as you aren't smothering her by giving her crap for going out with friends, or having some time to herself, she should have no reason for lying.

[doppelgaenger]

Look, this is bullshit. Do you have time for bullshit in your busy schedule? I know I wouldn't.

[qwertz]

Well i guess the first question you need answering is why does she feel the need to lie? Does she feel pressured by you?
Believe me, im not taking her side, if she is lying just for the sake of it then i would walk away, my ex was a compulsive liar, he lied about anything and everything, without reason to. If she is lying simply to make things easier for herself then you are fighting as losing battle, she will probably tell you she wont lie, then it will be all good for a while until you find out about another lie and the trust is destroyed again.
Its a vicious circle that really isnt worth it.

[sookie6]

I am afraid you don't deal with a chronic liar...you just move on...

[QueenofCorona]

I agree with the others. What's she trying to hide? Not only that but she doesn't respect you enough to tell you the truth. Peace out. Let her be someone's else sack of shit.

[1337lizard]

I was actually kind of hoping you all might have some insights as to why she's lying so much. She fed me some BS about feeling less guilty when she lies to me when I tried to talk to her about it yesterday. It looks to me like she's probably just lying to make things easier for herself now that you mention it though.

[sookie6]

You'd like us to explain why she is lying. But the truth is there is never a good reason to lie about such menial things.

I think she suffers from a natural compulsion to lie. She might be so used to getting out of trouble with lies that she forgot how to tell the truth.

I am sure everyone would agree on here that NOONE LIKES A LIAR.

In any culture or civilisation they are not given the time of the day.

If she is a compulsive liar anything she attempts in life is doomed:

work, love, friendship...etc

[chocolateorange]

She feels less guilty lying to you? What does she feel more guilty about is what I'd be asking myself in your position. If the reason she lies is to clear her conscious from what she's actually doing - that's not a good sign. Girls that lie are up to no good. She doesn't want you to know what's shes actually doing because she knows you wouldn't like it. One of the most important components in a relationship is trust - and obviously you can't trust this girl.

[QueenofCorona]

Is she cheating on you?
Is she trying to hide behaviors that you might frown upon....partying, hanging out with people you don't want her with, etc?

Thats the only thing I can think of.

The thing is that lying is so much more work than just telling the truth. You have to remember to keep all your stories straight when lying. Too much work, imo.

[1337lizard]

Does anyone know if there are any decent strategies for making her realize what she's doing and how destructive it is? She's too immature to look at it from a third person perspective. Every time I ask her to try she immediately just responds with an answer favorable to her own point of view without any thought.

I do love this girl, so I feel that if I end up ending things with her I want to at least get her on the right track so she can have a meaningful relationship down the road.

[doppelgaenger]

You're asking how to do a parent's job. Are you her daddy or her boyfriend? Dude, she's not your responsibility. You need to start thinking in terms of what is best for you.

[1337lizard]

I respectfully disagree with that statement. Wanting to help those you love is natural and being her boyfriend makes no difference with that.

[QueenofCorona]

I do have to agree with dopple though. You shouldn't have to teach or train her to have the common respect for you that you have for her. Its not like she's forgetting to lock the front door at night. She's choosing to lie to you.

[1337lizard]

fair enough. I guess I'm just the kind of guy that can't hold a grudge lol. Believe me, I've tried. I usually end up getting hungry and that distracts me.