Im puzzled

**Zanderini** · 06-02-10, 12:43 AM

Around november for no reason apparently my ex decided to breakup with me. Whad been togetrher for 1.5 years and were very close i had done so many things to help her out beyond what i shouldve. She decided we should be friends. Anyways i go along with it everything is fine we still talk a lot. I came home for winter break and saw her once and she said we'd have to hang out commented on my new car and how good it was too see me hugged me etc... Then everytime i tried to hang out i got bailed on. Whenever i had issues i would talk to her and she seemed fine. And then she decided we shoudlnt be friends and end contact. Even after that we remained friends. I hadnt seen her in 2 weeks at least and when i ran into her she was very nice and complementing. All the times i saw her it was normal. Then she just quit all contact with me. I asked what her issue was and she wouldnt tell me even what i did wrong except that we need to quit talking to each other and it would be beneficial and that we shouldnt be friends. So i listened to her no contact. I had to get some stuff from her place recently so i went over everything was fine normal smalltalk and stuff. I decided to apologize for whatever i might havew done and she accepted the apology and said she never wabts me involved in her life in any way ever again and told me to figure out why on my own. Now im very confused about why she would do this and if there is any hope of being a friend again . Note i dont want to be back in a relationship with her at all

**Gigabitch** · 06-02-10, 12:54 AM

It probably has nothing whatsoever to do with you. Or maybe it's all your fault. Either way, it doesn't matter at all. It's time for you to take charge of the next step for you and decide that YOU don't want to be friends with someone that jerks you around like that.

I hope you got all your stuff back. If she contacts you, tell her you think it would be best if you just didn't have any contact. Hang up on her and move on with your life.

**Zanderini** · 06-02-10, 12:57 AM

why would it have nothing to do with me. I believe i got all my stuff back i hope i did. The only thing she said is i was too needy and called too much. She said she doesnt want to be friends even though just a few weeks before she was hugging me and commenting on how great it was to see me

**Gigabitch** · 06-02-10, 01:06 AM

Again with the "why".

Stop asking why, Zanderini, and leave this behind you.

**hoggy522** · 06-02-10, 02:25 AM

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

Again with the "why".

Stop asking why, Zanderini, and leave this behind you.

I agree with you.

I was like that, always asking "why"....It gets you no where and keeps you in the same place. If you are wanting to stay friends with her then stick to No contact for as long as you can and when she feel ready to be friends with you i am sure she will be in touch, just dont let her mess you around like that. Good luck!!!

**cmacattack1** · 06-02-10, 09:57 AM

I don't blame him for wanting to know. When we get dumped we feel like a complete failure and we always want to fix what went wrong with us. You are taking this awfully well for somebody that just got the floor pulled out from under him. Dare I say you are being a doormat? Letting her say we should be friends, going along with it, letting her pull no contact and breaking it, keeping you constantly wondering? It's not right, it's not what friends do, and you don't need that. I'm guessing that she was trying to be nice by keeping you around as a friend, and she's getting sick of it because when she dumped you, she wanted rid of you, and you are still around. Hence the no contact spurts.

Is her "friendship" that important to you? It just sounds like you are going with the flow. What's your opinion of this? What do you want?

**Zanderini** · 06-02-10, 10:30 AM

Honestly i do want to be friends with her and value her friendship. She is the type of person i woulve been friends with and been happy without having a relationship. We share so much in common that it wouldnt make since not to be friends. Im not looking to have her back in a relationship. All i want is her to be straighforward with me and tell me exactley what is going on.
Notes:
-She is bi-polar
-Went through lots of ups and downs due to it
-Had to go way beyond the reposibilities of a bf to help her
-She left from college and went home for a bit after having some issues i helped her through and then once it was all better she broke it off with me over the phone

**IncognitoSir** · 06-02-10, 11:12 AM

Originally Posted by Zanderini

Honestly i do want to be friends with her and value her friendship. She is the type of person i woulve been friends with and been happy without having a relationship. We share so much in common that it wouldnt make since not to be friends. Im not looking to have her back in a relationship. All i want is her to be straighforward with me and tell me exactley what is going on.
Notes:
-She is bi-polar
-Went through lots of ups and downs due to it
-Had to go way beyond the reposibilities of a bf to help her
-She left from college and went home for a bit after having some issues i helped her through and then once it was all better she broke it off with me over the phone

Maybe you'd like to be friends with the person she once was or was putting on to be, but you dont want a friend like her.........the real her. thought the same thing after I broke up with my gf, "i wanna still be friends". The truth is, I just didnt wanna ket her go, plain and simple. Even after she did me sooo wrong I couldnt let go and this is the same thing thats happening to you. Don't let her manipulate you into believe you're the "reason" behind the breakup. She has some serious issues and she's playing mind games with you. Move on with your life bro, you deserve better my man.

**Zanderini** · 06-02-10, 11:20 AM

agree she has serious issues and she even said the breakup was nothing to do with me that it had to do with her. I know enough that i am not letting her bullshit me. Im just curoius if all hope is lost on making contact with her again. Whats a good way to initiate contact with her if she is the one wanting the no communication?

**cmacattack1** · 06-02-10, 02:22 PM

I think you just answered your own question. How do I contact somebody that wants NO communication?

If she doesn't want it, you don't. I know you think it makes sense to be friends and all, but even if she says she wants that, her actions are telling you otherwise.

You have to leave her alone.

**Zanderini** · 08-02-10, 02:45 AM

with that in mind is there any way to nicely reach out to her? I feel it is at least worth a try. What would be the best way to create contact with her in a friendly way?

**Zanderini** · 08-02-10, 04:36 AM

bump anyone?

**chrisy** · 08-02-10, 08:37 AM

You need to move on with your life. Why are you holding on?

**Zanderini** · 08-02-10, 11:47 AM

i pretty much have moved on with my life. Havnet been trying to contact her. Ive been doing my own thing and staying busy being around other people going to the gym surfing and such. But i am just pushing to have a friendship and not looking for more than that with her. I am holding because she is someone that i feel i have a lot in common with and is /was beneficial to my life.

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