Help Me I'm Relapsing!

[SirWagginston]

I thought I was over my last ex. After months of having friends tell me things like, "Dude, she's a bitch, I would have dumped her sooner," I finally started to listen and move on.

Then practically out of nowhere, she shows up in one of my dreams! At my grandparents house! She's in the study, ****ing my former friend!

Now I'm having occasional depressive thoughts about her. They just pop up at inopportune times and ruin my mood. It would help if I could meet another girl who made me feel the same way, but having just moved to this new city, that's not happening very fast. I haven't met many friends, yet, so I get lonely, and that probably aggravates the problem.

If anybody cares, I'm going to start documenting my obsessive thoughts, here, with the hope that it will release them. I'm hoping it will be healthier than my previous method of getting really hammered.

I think a lot my trouble comes from my tendency to assume fault: I always try to figure out what I did wrong in these situations. Even if the fault was more with them, I will worry about how I could have better made her problem clear to her. On the bright side, this constantly improves my quality as a boyfriend, as I'm pretty fair about how I analyze these things. As an experienced sufferer of OCD, I'm aware enough of my thought processes to not let them control my behavior unduly. On the other hand, the effort it takes to do so is straining and I am becoming overwhelmed and sad.

[vashti]

The healing process after a break up is generally a two steps forward, one step back kind of deal.

[Gigabitch]

Think of that dream as a kind of purge. One more little bit of her processed.

[Mish]

Yeh post your thoughts here, venting helps

[SirWagginston]

****, it happened again.

On the bright side, I'm getting way better at realizing how it happens. Just now, my sister texted me for advice about a guy problem she was having. My brain just naturally pieces together the similarities between other circumstances and mine.

Interestingly enough, my emotional response was anger, this time. I know that my ex and former friend talk about me when they're together, and I thought through a lot of what they must end up saying. I remembered the time former friend picked me up from the police station because I (no, I'm not making this up) dressed up like a pirate, and pillaged Sheetz pretending to be Captain Morgan... and offered shots to the security. A big part of her current attraction to him is his perceived maturity. I, too, would be thankful, if I were not informed of the number of lies he told me with a straight face.

When discussing this, they probably take up a tone of pity--about how I'm wasting my intelligence. I know she wants the best for me based on her last few goodbye messages when I told her not to speak to me again. She will tell former friend that my problems were too great for her to deal with. What she won't realize is that I was only wasted enough to do what I did because of the people I was hanging out with. After our fiasco, the athletes and frat kids in my apartment building were the only friends I had left--the only people who cared enough about me to hang out with me every day. Hanging out with them got me in trouble, but it was better than mental breakdown or suicide.

I suspect that as she catches wind of my transition to UBC (a very nice university, especially compared to the one I left), she will feel compelled to contact me and say something to the extent of: I'm glad you got your life together. And I thought about what my response would have to be, and realized it would be: me, too. Now if only you hadn't ruined it so much, just imagine what I could have accomplished! Get lost bitch. And I would feel comfortable with this, because once you realize that former friend is a compulsive liar, it becomes clear exactly how much smarter, tougher, nicer and cooler than him I am.

Now I transition back to sadness, because although just desserts are given in that her mistakes leave her worse off, I know that her relationship with him will work out for a good while longer because of the things she has learned from me. Former friend has the same expectations in a girlfriend I do, and it was because my ex failed to meet those that our problems started to occur. I don't think she will repeat her mistakes, and former friend will live happily ever after with a girl way better than he deserves. Not better than what I could get, I still hope, but better than he deserves. And I do not yet know peace, because I hope they break up.

[SirWagginston]

Anybody who can analyze this dream deserves a medal.

It started out as a zombie apocalypse survival scenario. People running and screaming, trying not to get eaten. The source of the plague was tracked down to an evil super-zombie-creature, who got into an epic battle with... Terry McGinnis, from Batman Beyond. No lie.

New Batman subdues the person, who is then placed in a high-security isolated prison, just for him. The criminal starts to feel bad about what he had done, and takes measures to redeem himself. Then, all of the sudden, I am walking back to my apartment, when I see people from my old university. Even though they should be thousands of miles way, I greet most of them, until my ex and former friend show up behind me, walking together. I ignore them, but they notice and follow me, even into my building. I tell them to go away.

Then, just as suddenly as this transition had occured, it goes back to the zombie scenario. This time, though, I'm the criminal. It seems to be four years since my break-up, and my ex and former friend have just broken up because he cheated on her. They break up on good terms, though, and both come to try to resolve their issues with me. I'm all kinds of pissed and won't have it, but their insistent in trying. Then for some reason we're in Azeroth (from World of Warcraft), and they both come find me to keep trying to make resolutions. They're Horde (the evil faction), though, and I'm the Alliance, so I'm allowed to combat them in PvP. They keep coming to talk to me, and I keep killing them, instead.

Then I woke up sweating and with a massive headache. This made me wonder if my relapse is related to clonidine withdrawal. I was prescribed the drug as a wee toddler for insomnia, but a couple months ago I developed a tolerance to and dependence upon the pills that was interfering with my life, so I was prescribed a new medication, Trazadone. I had heard that Trazadone causes hangovers until you get used to it, but damn--this sucks.

[Mish]

Anybody who can analyze this dream deserves a medal.

How about this. You've walked around with a lot of unresolved feelings of frustration, anger, sadness and pity. So your mind created a scenario where you can dump all of your unresolved feelings while you sleep.



Is the analysis and the meaning as exciting as you expected?

[SirWagginston]

That sounds pretty reasonable. But then, what is Batman doing in there? And what is up with the zombies?

[Mish]

That sounds pretty reasonable. But then, what is Batman doing in there? And what is up with the zombies?

Zombies are one of the most reoccurring themes in people's dreams. It's up there with falling down and flying. It's there because it triggers an emotional response from you. But beyond that it doesn't have any meaning

[SirWagginston]

Feeling significantly better, today. Last night's dream was just about a failed plan to farm tuna fish en mass.

[SirWagginston]

Something reminded me of her again, yesterday. Dreamed about her again, last night. I realized that out of all of the girls I've met since breaking up with my ex, I still liked her, the most. Now my mind has returned to the thought of whether or not an equal or better person exists out there for me.

Will try to drown these thoughts in casual sex, again.

[SirWagginston]

No casual sex since the dream, but I'm feeling better, anyways. I think these things come in waves.

[Rich]

Hope things work out for you m8, sounds like things are getting a bit better?
Thinking of you man

[SirWagginston]

Thanks! They are getting better. The date I have tomorrow is promising. We made a bet on an online Scrabble game, wherein the loser must pay for drinks and yam fries at the pub, and the winner decides the conditions of the date, e.g. what the other should wear. I won the game and decreed that she must behave as a servant, hand-feed me the yam fries, and address me as "master," while using a stereotypical seductive laidyservant voice at all times.

[Rich]

Sounds like it should be a good date,
Hope it goes well m8