some advice would be great. thinking about her when she's there. don't care when not.

[randomQ]

So here's the deal. I'm 18 and in my first relationship with a girl. (high school doesn't count in my books).

Met her at college. She was in my chemsitry class and we were grouped together for an assignment. We eventually starting talking outside of class and things were ok as friends. I asked her out one Friday night for some drinks at the local bar where all the college kids go and we hit it off. It's been about 2 months now we've been dating. And we like each other very much. We're not sexual, yet, but she keeps hinting towards next week (i'll explain later)

So at first, I couldn't stop thinking about her. I would wake up thinking about her, spend my whole day pretty much with her in my head, and go to sleep thinking about her. I even started having dreams about her. When she told me she felt the same, I was surprised because Wow, she's actually thinking about me. It's new, it's awesome, and things are going great between us.

So when I got to see her, (which happens about 4 times a week through movie dates, dinner dates, or just coming over and hanging out, or me going over to her house and hanging out) I was completely happy.

I really like her and she tells me the same. It's always fun being with her. I have a seriously GREAT TIME with her, whatever we're doing.

Cut to this past week.

I don't know what happened, but I just stopped caring...kind of. It's like my feelings for her just went away. Nothing bad between us happened. Things are the usual between us. Nothing is different, just my feelings. It's odd.

I find myself not thinking about her AT ALL when I'm not with her. When she texts, I take my time answering back. When she calls, I'm usually doing something else and putting a weak effort into talking to her. I don't call her as much, or text her as much. When I do call, it's like I'm forcing myself to do it.

The thing is, when I'm with her....all those feelings come back. Those same feelings of "wow, she's so amazing, I really like this girl. I'm so glad things are working out between us". The second we part ways, I just don't care.

What the hell is wrong with me?

She tells me she likes me and how lucky she is to be with me, and I say the exact same things to her. I feel really bad (of course I don't tell her) when I tell her how beautiful she is, or how lucky I am to be with such an amazing girl, or that I like her...because I feel like I'm cheating her of the truth. Well, half of it.

When we make out, it feels right, there's a definite connection and it just feels right.

I just don't understand why I have such feelings for her when we're together, and when we're not, it's like I don't even care.

I would never cheat on her. I know myself too well to know that I would never hurt her that way.

I've been thinking of breaking up with her because I feel like I shouldn't be doing what I'm doing. It's hard to explain. But at the same time, Valentines day is coming up. I would devastate her if I broke up with her now, especially since I told her I had something planned out (which I still do, of course)

Next week, her parents are out of town for the whole week and she's been hinting at me staying over the night and that it's "definitely gonna be worth my while". I am positive we're gonna have sex while her parents are away.

At the same time, it would be great to be getting laid. I'm a virgin and I can't wait for it to finally happen. But...I don't want it to be done when I'm not quite sure what the **** is exactly going on in my head. I'm gonna feel really guilty if we **** and then I still have these opposite feelings towards her.

I hope you guys can help me figure this out. I'm seriously confused and in need of advice

[Lite]

If you can't be bothered to think about her when she's not around, then it's your hormones and not actual real feelings for her. You should not sleep with her for the sake of losing your virginity, you'll have a lot of time for that in your life and frankly it really isn't worth the risk of having a child with someone you're that blase about. Let alone contracting a disease that will stick with you for life and/or kill you.

It sounds like you already feel guilty, and aren't really up to the task of just breaking up with her.

[randomQ]

one person only?

[Gigabitch]

I would answer, but I'd just say exactly the same thing Lite said, only not as eloquently.

[starbuck]

It doesn't sound like she's right for you, otherwise you wouldn't be so apathetic about her when you're apart.

There are probably some guys here that would tell you just to go ahead and lose your virginity. But honestly, having sex with her could make her MUCH more emotionally attached to you and therefore I would advise against it. It will hurt her more for you to end it after you've had sex.

[Okay]

The infatuation phase faded away... and now there's only hormonal lust? But your conscious is confused perhaps.

[randomQ]

I can't even break up with her now. Just a few days before Valentine's...I'm ****ed.

It's confusing.

I've seen her since I've written this and those feelings are real. I love being with her, she's an awesome person. She makes me feel really good and all that stuff.

It's times like this when she's not around that I feel indifferent towards her.

[lovesjoyajm]

Another reason Valentine's Day is RIDICULOUS. I'm completely serious - how many other days are there that force you to drag out a relationship like this? NONE.

[girl68]

Ohhh so you'd can't bear to dump her before v-day? So you'll just fake your feelings for her. Sleep with her THEN dump her.

GENIOUS idea.

[vashti]

Random, I think you sound like a sweet kid. Seriously. Lots of boys your age wouldn't give any of this a second thought.

Maybe this is all just too much responsibility for you right now? Girlfriends can be very demanding of your time and energy.

[Mish]

I can't live with you
But I can't live without you
I can't let you stay
Ooh but I can't breath if you go away

[randomQ]

Ohhh so you'd can't bear to dump her before v-day? So you'll just fake your feelings for her. Sleep with her THEN dump her.

GENIOUS idea.

1. I'm not faking my feelings when I'm with her.

2. Never said I'd sleep with her.

[Lite]

Another reason Valentine's Day is RIDICULOUS. I'm completely serious - how many other days are there that force you to drag out a relationship like this? NONE.

There's never a good time to dump someone. You just need to do it. If it's not Valentine's day, then it's her birthday, if it's not her birthday it's because you have a camping trip planned for the 4th of july, or her cat died, or it's Christmas or...

You can always find an excuse to not make the hard decisions when you need to. Even if they are all bullsh*t. It is respectable that you don't want to hurt her, but you're going to have to. And, she's young. She'll get the fsck over it.

[randomQ]

She told me she loved me tonight. I kinda hugged her right after without saying it back.


****, I am screwed.

While I do like her when I'm with her, I don't love her.

I was thinking about her earlier in the day before I saw her. Wondering what she would wear, and how I could make conversation with her and felt excited to see her. At least there's some improvement.

[cjm]

Hi,

It seems like you honestly liked her from the beginning and it may have been exciting that someone you liked thought of you the same way...

However, could it be possible that now that you're sure she really likes you (and loves you), it isn't as interesting as it used to be???

How would you feel if she decreased the number of calls or she continued having a social life aside of you (without cheating on you)? would you feel the same, or do you think you'd re-gain as much interest as at the beginning?

If you think that this could be the situation, gently let her know that you both need to continue having a life while getting to know each other...

Also, do you think she has noticed a change in you? do you think that she's been mentioning sleeping with you to keep ypu interested, or because SHE wants to? Because if there's a possibility that she'd sleep with you because she's noticed you're different, things would end up very bad and in the end, the damage will be worse.

Hope that helps