how to get over death?

[LoveHurts09]

my gf had cancer and a few days ago she gave up the fight, she was only 22, why does this happen to some1 so loving and happy and so young?
the only good part (if u can have anything good about fighting cancer) is that i know she died happy and we had time to atleast know it was possible but i cant accept that she's not there, i know it's normal to feel this but i dont know how to move forward.... should i be looking to move forward so soon? will this just cause me to have issues if i pressure myself too much?

im also 22 and we were together for about 16months but we loved each other completely, i just need to write this to help myself, just to get it out there i guess.

any advice on the best way to dull the pain?

[vashti]

Aww, jeez. So sad.

Listen my friend, the only thing that will happen if you try to dull the pain is that you will prolong your grieving process. It is *appropriate* for you to feel pain when painful things happen. Don't try to squash a healthy reaction.

I suggest you look into some grief counseling, and don't date for a while. You aren't ready, hun.

[skn1f123]

Vashti is right, you shouldn't try to dull your pain. You have to let it out and let your grief run it's course. My brother was killed 10 years ago and i don't think you ever really stop grieving, it just gets less painful. I'm very sorry for your loss and i hope you feel in a better place soon.

[irrelevant_89]

very sad indeed. Well... IMO get "over" the death of a loved one is not to stop feeling the pain, as the others above me said... it's not wishing it had been yourself. No matter how tragic this kinda stuff is, it still reminds us we're lucky to be alive.

[Lite]

Why does it happen? Because there's nothing anywhere that states that life is fair.

I'm truly sorry for your loss, but one of the things I've always hated about watching those I love suffer extended deaths is that you can't actually mourn the person and move on until after you die. So, it wears you down a lot in the process.

You might also check out the book: [URL="http://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1265945155&sr=8-1"]How to Survive the Loss of a Love[/URL]

But, grieving, time, reflection, and generally reminding yourself that life doesn't stop for you when someone you love dies. You still need to go through the motions of caring for yourself.

[VincenzoG91]

It's normal to feel grief, and that grief will come back at odd times to trouble you, but it will get easier to handle as time goes by.

She would have wanted you to be happy. Nothing you can do will bring her back, but you can honor her memory by carrying on and living a good life.

[QueenofCorona]

I agree with what everyone else said, its ok to feel the emotions. Sadness, despair, anger. Its all part of the process.

One of my friends was killed 2 weeks ago today in a snowmobile accident. Nicest guy ever. Just so hard to understand why him? I keep thinking how horrible it is that a guy who was so nice to EVERYONE is gone. He is gone but how he made people feel doesn't need to be gone I got to thinking. I kind of want to take his death as a reminder to check my own attitude and try to be more like him, keep his spirit alive.

Is there a way to keep your girlfriends spirit alive? What did she like to do? What kind of person was she? There are ways to keep her spirit alive even though her body is no longer with you, she's still here.

[LoveHurts09]

thanks for all ur replies, i know its normal to grieve and i dont know if i want to stop feeling this pain but if i continue feeling this i know i wont really move on.
im trying to be normal but to be normal i feel i have to block it out or try to reject it, that's not good.
it might not seem like a long time to some but we were planning our future despite the struggle and thats the hardest part, trying to accept that i can never see her happy again.

its hard to keep her spirit alive, she was also incredibly nice and caring, i cant feel those things now, but maybe in time i can.

for now i'll continue to take 1 day at a time and hope it's enough to dull the loss and become easier to remember the good times.