Need advice to change pattern

[cjm]

Hi,

After thinking a lot, I've realized that I unconsciously (and sometimes consciously) do things that ruin potential relationships.... For many years it didn't bother me and I just went along with casual flicks, but now I think I'd like to actually try what it's like to be in a relationship.

However, I've noticed that for some reason I still end up in very short-term "relationships" and I need advice on what you think I could do to change the pattern!

Think of it as relationships for dummies lol (but true)

Thanks

[lonelyhamster]

That's a very vague question... What patterns do you want to break out of?

Do something new. Try something you haven't done before.

[Lite]

You want advice on how to do this? It's called go see a therapist.

If you're purposely sabotaging relationships, more than likely you really are in need of professional help and guidance. There's no shame in going, no magic pill to make you better. You need to sit down with someone and have an honest heartfelt conversation with yourself about why you are doing this to yourself. Along with that they can provide you with exercises (emotional/mental), guidance, point out flaws in your logic, and help you generally be a better you. It might not be cheap, but if this is something that is truly important to you how can you think of spending money to better yourself as too expensive?

[4dvz]

As lonelyhamster said, you should describe your pattern/s that you want to change.

I have somewhat similar situation going on in my head, I need to change my own patterns in relationships. My problem is that I`m way too kind, even after 1,5 years (As in my current relationship) I still treat her the same way I used to during our first months, I put her above everything else in my life and when there is a fight coming up, my primary objective is to prevent and suppress it, rather than expressing my toughts.

In the beginning they always value my kindness, and respect me for treating them better than they deserve. But as time goes by, they start taking me for granted and don`t respect me anymore. They may love me, but due to the fact that I`m always mr. perfect, I never make them question my commitment to them and always give them what they want, they get bored or as I said, they take me for granted. This has happened in my every relationship so far.

I need to make myself less kind, I need to be able to act cold and say things that I think are not to be said to the one you love. But they do it all the time, as I need to do too, in order to stay at the same line. If I let them feel that they are higher beings than myself, they will lose their attraction towards me. Or then I just need to find a woman who in the long run is not capable of acting cold, or hurting the feelings of the one she loves. But I doubt it`s just impossible.

Anyways sorry about going into my own problems in your thread, your post just resembled my toughts. I`d be glad to talk about your patterns too if you`d describe them a bit.

[cjm]

Hi everybody,

Thank you for your reply. I understand that I'm not giving a lot of information, but as I mentioned, I still don't know well what it is that I do...

So I guess that some therapy might be the best option....hopefully I'll be able to receive some guidance.

For the person in the last post, I don't mind you sharing your own experience, I think we can all learn from others

[NeoSeminole]

try to identify any patterns in your relationships. Do you attract the same type of girls? Do you treat every girl the same? How do your relationships usually end?