YOU settle the bill on first date. does it sound ok to you?

[teresa_w]

Hi everyone,

I am a newbie in romantic relationship and would be very thankful if someone could give me advice on my situation.

I met this young 25 year old guy who’s a professional the other day on a dating site and we went on a date on Valentine’s Day. Everything went pretty well until the bill came. He asked for the bill and then it came a while later. To show my courtesy, I took out my wallet and handed over my partion to the waiter(half of the bill for $200 [total for $400 for 2 people] as from the menu when the time we ordered the set dinner which we agreed on). He didn’t say anything and do anything except for simply WATCHING! After handing over my cash to the waiter, he went back to the cashier counter but later got back to the guy asking for more because the waiter found out my partion alone ($200) wasn’t enough to cover the whole and the waiter obviously understood I meant to pay for my partion only. When the guy saw the bill came back to him from the waiter, he didn’t say anything and handed over $300 to the waiter. Because it was a Chinese restaurant, we were charged for the tea (so should be well over $200 for each of us) beside the food which I didn’t realize coz I hadn’t been to a Chinese restaurant for ages! Because of this, I gave him $100 and he changed me $50.

The thing that I am not very happy over the whole process is: I, as a girl, was expected to settle the bill all by myself on the first date on Valentine’s Day. Would that be a better gesture for a man to show some generosity by pretending that they’d like to settle the bill by himself, or at least, share the bill? Do you think the guy just used me as a bill settler? I know that it was me who phoned him and asked if he'd like to have a drink, but it was his idea (without asking me in advance before booking a table) to have a dinner in an upscale restaurant!

IT was not the first time I came across with this situation about money.

The other time was with another guy whom I met at work. On the 2nd date, we went into a shop selling spots clothing. He picked a pair of sports trousers and asked me to pay for him with my credit card coz he didn't have enough money.But the thing is , we still weren't that close til that day. We never kissed or slept before. All we had done were just holding hands, going shopping and having meal together for one time. And most importantly, the shop was pretty close to our workplace and he got back there the next day after work. There's no urgent need that he must buy them on that night!

So could someone tell me the answers to the above questions?

Thank you very much!

[vashti]

Did you invite HIM on the date? Or did he ask you?

[teresa_w]

um.... he told me by email it'd be nice to catch up later in a Japanese restaurant and I said his idea was great.
3 days later, I phoned him and ask if he'd like catch up and I suggested to have a drink, but later found out he booked a table (he told me by email) in an upscale Chinese restaurant without asking me.

[vashti]

I wouldn't have paid his portion. I would have let him wash dishes.

You were suckered. Sorry, sweety. Please don't date him again.

Next time, take enough money for a cab so you aren't stuck anywhere without transportation, pay your portion, and leave him there.

For the record, my policy is that whomever does the inviting should pay, but you should always carry enough money to pay your share in case he's a cad.

[teresa_w]

Thanks heaps for your heartfelt response vashti ! Your description of letting him wash dishes is so fascinating btw!

It really doesn't matter to me if it's me or him to pay in the end, but the problem is with the psychology and thinking of a girl you know!
It just doesn't feel right (dunno why to be honest) for me to pay for him on the first date , and given it was Valentine' Day !! And the most terrible thing is: I was EXPECTED to pay for his portion, judged by his inaction to the whole process of bill payment! I wonder what would have happened if I simply handed over my credit card to the waiter or if I told him I forgot my wallet at home or things like that

[Illusional]

yes, cut your losses now while you're not down by much.

raverboy

[teresa_w]

hi raverboy,

thanks for comment! You're a guy aren't you?

what country are you from?

[Illusional]

haha of course i'm a guy. if i were a chick, then i'd call myself ravergirl. as for my country, don't pay any attention to my flag. i'm in hawaii!!!

raverboy

[IndiReloaded]

I know not everyone will agree, but if I was responsible for a $400 bill for a Valentines date with someone I barely knew, I would definitely pay my share. Whether he could afford it or not. That said, there are some wealthy, old-fashioned men who might insist to pay. It would depend on the situation, but I might decide not to offend them by insisting to pay provided I have sincerely offered and been declined, but this was not your situation. A meal for hundreds of dollars is not within most 20-somethings budgets and is usually reserved for special occasions with loved ones.

So, as to the money exchange, I don't see the problem. The bill was $400. Add to that another $100 for the tip (a generous 20+%, but not way off). This brings the total to $500, which you paid 1/2 of. He covered his portion, its not like he stuck you with the entire bill.

Are you saying you would have been okay with sticking the entire $500 bill to him?? Sorry, I don't see what is the problem here.

[Illusional]

the thing is... he wasn't even gonna cover his portion.he pulled out an extra 3 bills after the check came back to their table.

raverboy

[vashti]

Are we talking $500 American money? Because Chinese food usually isn't all that expensive! I assumed we were talking foreign currency here. If we are talking American money, i would have been embarrassed toorder anything so expensive.

[IndiReloaded]

I've been to Chinese restaurants that are that expensive. Plus, it was Valentines Day, I'm not surprised.

EDIT - looks like her flag is Australian. Eating out in Oz is very pricey for a decent restaurant, Vash.

the thing is... he wasn't even gonna cover his portion.he pulled out an extra 3 bills after the check came back to their table.

raverboy

It could be she is communicating her financial status too readily, assuming she has money. Keep those things to yourself, Teresa.

[Illusional]

i could spend 500 bills in a japanese restaurant, but i'd never pay 500 for greasy chinese noodles.

raverboy

[Lulu]

OH MY GOSH! I have NEVER paid that much for a meal! Wow- I'm never moving away from northern Michigan!! My advice- keep first dates more casual (less expensive!!). Who knows if this guy is worth the money (even if you are paying for yourself!).

[vashti]

That's around $440 American. I'm with raver = that's too much for Chinese...

Who chose the restaurant?