I have a man who adores me - so why am I so miserable?

[SecretlySad]

We have been together for 7 years, been living together for about 5. Neither of us are too fussed about the serious stuff yet (marriage, kids etc), we're just enjoying our time together. Although I do love him, over the last year or so I have felt very strongly like there is something huge I have been - and still am - missing out on, and I can't shake the feeling. Is it just the 7 year itch or something more? Should I move on? I feel like I am not being fair to him having these thoughts. My heart doesn't feel 100% in this anymore and I feel terribly restless.
Someone suggested to me that maybe this is more of a best friend/room mate arrangement and I am just very comfortable? Do you think maybe that as well??

[Evangeline5405]

Was with a wonderful man for 6 yrs. We had everything in common. He was very supportive emotionally. Intellectually, we were compatible. We could talk about everything. We talked on the phone at least once every day. We lived next to each other. He seemed my perfect other half... but the only thing is I wasn't sure. I felt we were more best friends than lovers.... and it's true. I was not attracted to him in that way. So you need to ask yourself if this man you love attracts you in every way you need, at least enough for you to stop looking around. That's the key. I was still secretly looking around for what else could be available to me... so something was missing. In the end, it all comes down to what type of woman you are, if you can live with this something that's missing. You might regret this man you are with... but think about what you want and if you can be happy with what you have. If not, move on like I did.

[MVPlaya]

It just sounds to me like you don't really love him but feel tied into your situation and are afraid of the consequences of leaving him. Nothing in your post indicates to me that you love him, you certainly care for him, but those are two separate emotions.

Its not for any of us to say whether you should move on, you have to make that choice yourself. Look at what initially attracted you to him, see if thats still there or if, the more you got to know him, the more it seems all you liked about him wasn't as you expected. See if you feel a spark or can actually vision this being long-term.

Honestly, how long have you felt like this about him? From your post, I would say firmly that you are barely attracted to him (if at all) and certainly don't love him, merely care for him the way we would for friends or people who have been in our lives for a long time. It sounds like you feel loyalty to him, but not romantic affection for him. If its really that way, well, you can't let a situation drag on out of loyalty. What if three years from now you can't take it and decide to leave, and he is mad at you for stringing him along for 10 years of his life?

So ask yourself, do you want this relation to continue, or do you think its run its course?

[Illusional]

probably. i think that you're getting bored because you feel that this relationship isn't gonna go much farther than it has now. both of you are fine in this state, and don't really care much about marriage or kids, but that is probably what is lacking in your future. it's like the kid that never graduates from college because he is too busy playing. if it's not fulfilling, then it's not worth it.

raverboy

[sookie6]

It's either all the above OR you now need a project in common. Something that you will both pour yourself in...my guess...a child...

So think about it before you take any drastic decision...it's easy to get blinded in our days about reall motivations.

You seem to have a perfect partner and yes passion has gone. So what?

As we grow older it's perfectly normal to experience ashift toward companionship (hopefully sex is still in the picture).

You need to think carefully about all this before making a decision. Once you have broken up with someone (even if you 'take a break') it is very difficult to go back together. Things are never the same again/

If you have found someone who will be with you through Thick and Thin, do no under'estimate the relationship.

[DarkNeko]

I feel the same way about my BF. I love him, but there's a big gaping void in our relationship. I think it's just one of those things that happens as a relationship goes on...that "spark" that was there when you first began dating goes away and you feel more like roommates than partners. It usually happens after a few years of marriage, but it can happen sooner for some folks. It's normal to lose a little bit of feeling toward your spouse because your mind will go, "Well, I'm with someone for the long-run. You can relax now - you don't need to put all your heart and soul into this."

If it's very unsettling to you, you could always see if a couples counselor feels there's a problem to be addressed and can likely help you come up with ways of diminishing that emptiness you feel. Sometimes, also, it's simply a matter of wanting someone else to find you desirable. Many ladies think, "Is this the only guy who thinks I'm attractive?" You might not want to BE with someone else, but knowing someone finds you pretty or desirable can lift your spirits.

[Mish]

My heart doesn't feel 100% in this anymore and I feel terribly restless.

Is there anything in particular that makes you feel restless?

[elizabeth412]

It really sounds like you love him as a person, but you are not in love with him. That's evident in your post, I'm afraid. But that's O.K. Pay attention to it.

[Doc Durian]

Sounds like you crave excitement... maybe he's at the same point?

Passion/excitement/romance/ a stirring in the hellfire loins?

Talk to him about your need to spice it up...

He may feel the same.

(Just don't ask a third person into it.... it only blows up in your face, trust me...)

I know a couple who agreed on a quadrant or block of pubs to visit in a night out.... but seperately, without any penalties for yacking with others of the opposite sex, being forthright, or describing their situations.... they almost always go home together like they just hooked up and they've been together for over 11 years with 3 children.