He left me during a fight and ended the relationship-pls help!!!

[dragonqueen]

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[lavnder]

Wow! Leaving during a fight is not good. It kinda seems as though you guys both got really angry and things got out of hand. Perhaps he will realize he blew things out of proportion. It seems like you guys had a stressful relationship because he works in another town. Maybe you guys were hanging out TOO much? Sometimes couples start getting into a pattern of always hanging out just like in the beginning of the relationship and then little things start to irritate them. Maybe seeing less of each other would allow you two to see how much you appreciate each other. This is kinda what happened to me, but maybe it's different for you. Taking time and space might be good for both of you to re evaluate what you liked about each other and the relationship. I would suggest waiting until things cool off and you start to feel like you're able to think more clearly then try to talk.

[dragonqueen]

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[cmacattack1]

Well there has obviously been some stuff building up for a while. I know you are confused seeing as how everything was great for Valentine's Day. That day, for some it's more of a forced show of affection. I wouldn't evaluate the relationship based on that. Even during some of our horrible, horrible relationships, we all have good times that we look back on.

Him running from his problems and issues isn't good. I was like that and I understand now that it makes things a million times worse. He's shown that throughout your relationship with him and if he wants to have a grown up, adult relationship, he is going to have to learn to take his problems head on and talk about it. You can't make him though. He has to want to. And trying to talk him back into a relationship doesn't seem feasible at the moment.

Figure out if this is something you really want. Is this something worth fighting for? Do you care anymore at this point? You have to organize constructive ways to make your relationship better instead of what you were doing before which is sweeping the problems under the rug. Use this time to go through the relationship and see things that you did wrong along with him. In the meantime, if he doesn't want to see you or talk to you, you have to let him be. Trying to corner him for closure is going to make things worse, especially with you both having a full head of emotional steam.

Relax, take a few deep breaths. This is not the end of the world for either of you. No matter how it turns out, you will be okay. And you will hear from him again. I guarentee it.

[dragonqueen]

hmmmmmmmmmmmm

[Roymax]

dragonqueen, some people when they're angry tend to close up. This kind of reaction in their personality may have evolved over time stemming from past unresolved issues occurring either before or during the relationship that were swept under the rug. It then becomes increasingly difficult to communicate with someone in that kind of a situation. If you want him to open up do not over react by automatically assume, criticize or lash out at him if he is telling you the truth. You don't want them to be afraid of telling you the truth. Truth as in their true feelings. Honesty is an important trait you want to preserve in a relationship.

When you have a disagreement with him do not let your emotions get the best of you by simply over reacting to something he just said. It will only make the fire bigger in size and out of control. Sometimes people say and do things to the other person that they really didn't mean to do. What you guys should do is sit alone at the table each day without any distractions and talk about issues with an open mind. It takes two to agree with this. No need for name calling or doing anything stupid. It's counter productive really. Talk about your feelings regarding any concerning issues that you two may have. Only one person speaking at a time while the other person shuts their trap (mouth) while listening. Two people talking over each ain't gonna cut it resulting in another non-productive argument. I don't care how offensive it is both of you need to listen to each other while letting the other person give their side of the story. When you both are done come up with a compromise and ask what you two are willing to agree on to help resolve the matter. There may be some things you or him may not like in the agreement but that's part of what you do in a real loving relationship. It's not always about the other person.

Two more tips to keep in mind:

- A real man doesn't hit a woman (unless to restrain her from actually attempting to kill someone with a weapon)
- Do not go to bed angry at each other (do not let resentment build in the bedroom)

[dragonqueen]

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[Doc Durian]

dragonqueen... I won't comment on what you should or shouldn't do in this situation but I will say this.

Whatever thing your bf found disrespectful was important to him. I've had things thrown at me before from people who were supposed to have cared about me to never do anything like that.

It's an act of aggression.

And for him to hear, "don't touch me or I'll call the cops" right after pretty much sums up two of my own personal scenarios.

I left those relationships because they discounted how I felt, acted aggressively, then threatened me after I challenged them (for the record, I've never struck a woman before and don't expect to be in the situation to ever strike a woman, unless you consider war/etc...).

Granted, I didn't need my mother's help... but my father wasn't there helping along either.

Him leaving was the act of a gentleman. Had you been a man, he probably wouldn't have been a gentleman.

Consider

[Gigabitch]

I think he's a lazy wanker. Why is it always you that has to do the making up? He scrapped your relationship because you had a fight. I'm with your dad. He's a big baby.

[dragonqueen]

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[dragonqueen]

blaaaaaaaaaaaah

[Doc Durian]

Hello people,

well i know that everyone has a little different view about my story which is cool with me and i appreciate any answer.

I think and know that every relationship has its problems , but if a man is taking my space away and scares me somehow then i need to show him the STOP or else ill end up like a fool.
However i think it isnt easy to talk when you full of anger etc. but a gentleman wouldnt quit a relationship just because of a conflict that ran out of both hands.
i was not mean to him when he packed his stuff and even if i suffered i tried to tell him with a calm voice to stay and talk sooner or later because i know his psyche when he runs away.

Only a woman that experienced something similar like this can tell me that its not okay to threat a woman with his physic....even if he didnt raise his hand or whatever-thats not cool.
The ridiculous part is that day after or two days after he still didnt realize that he scared me-actually he even made it look like i was wrong from protecting myself by taking the phone into my hand.

Even if he said to my father that he wouldnt hit me -it is still not alright and he has to handle his aggression issues sooner or later with or without me in his life.

i love him so i would help him with it and i would even try to change some things about me but hey he didnt even contact me-so what can i do.....nothing much!!!

I ve told him during that fight that people who treated him not so good in his life get great treatment from him and attention somehow -and me i get some harsh words at the end because once or twice i said something he didnt like?comon now...

I know that every woman can drive a man crazy but when it comes to anger and agression i kind of cant deal with it like nothing happened.


The last times i didnt hear from him and it was me reaching out his hand so this time i can only hope that he will realize what we had and how special it is.

We all make mistakes including myself,but running away WONT help and since i dont hear from him i somehow prepare myself that its over even if i wish to be with him and talk things out

You're implying one thing, yet you're actually saying something all together different to me.

1. You've grabbed a phone and threatened to call the police after you acted violently towards him.

Why? Has he ever hit you or acted violently towards you before?

2. He squared off with you... faced you eye to eye like two human beings.

Why is that scary? You just threw shit at him and then started crying. What is he supposed to do? Look away? Walk away? Discount what just happened to him?

3. While you've explained how you've felt during all this...

...why did you act angrily towards him (throwing clothes at him) and then immediately chide him for being angry about it?

4. His whole issue was "disrespect" which he perceived to be coming from him.

Instead of talking things through like you suggested... you initially threw shit at him. What is he supposed to think if he genuinely thinks you've been disrespecting him and his feelings and watches you violate your own advice after the fact? He may be thinking that there are two standards to the relationship.... yours, and to a lesser extent....his.... when you permit it.

This "only a woman who has experienced this sort of thing would understand..." excuse doesn't fly.

Neither relationship involved man nor woman should ever engage in aggressive or violent behaviours with one another and THERE ARE NOT TWO DIFFERENT JUDGEMENT CRITERIAS because one person is larger than the other. We're in modern times. We're equal, remember??

He, as you said to your own father, didn't bash you. He left.

If he's a coward for that, then all cheek slapped gentlemen of history were cowards.

[dragonqueen]

uhmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[Cbrider]

There's a missing back story here.

[dragonqueen]

byeeeeeeeeeeee