English men's approach to women

[elenyae]

Hi everybody !

I'm kinda hopeless here, that's why I'm begging for your help !

This guy comes from GB and was my teacher. He 's come to France ( where I live ) for his studies . We got along rather well when he was my teacher, and I had like a crush on him . So i asked him his mail to keep in touch . We communicated a little bit by mails , and then, we decided to go for a drink. He gave me his phone number so that we could communicate more easily . I appreciated . Then, we met for a drink, BUT he asked me what i was intending, if I wanted him to bring one of his friends, if I would be myself bringing some friends ... It surprised me a little bit, but I didn't wanna be too "overwhelming" or to make him feel uncomfortable, so I called my friends and we spent a great night . We did that again several times in the week, but I grew frustrated of never being really alone with him . I couldn't say if he liked me or not . I mean, he's smiling at me, touches me sometimes, puts his hand on my knee, or in my back, but in a very subtle and quick way, u know, so it's hard to tell what it really means..This week, I decided to ask him out for a pizza,, which he accepted. We were just the two of us, and spoke about intimate things, laughed also, I really felt comfortable. Then, he suggested that we go for a drink, which seemed to mean that he was having a good time with me..But there was no moment when I could say "oh he's going to kiss me there..." no real opportunity you know...But he marched me off , held the door for me, some things like that which are kinda romantic.. Today, he asked me to help him with a letter he has to write in French, so again we were just two, then I took advantage of that to ask him to go eat somewhere, and then to hang out a little, so we spent like maybe 6hours together today. But again, except smiles, nice looks , and a certain proximity when we were sitting next to each other, there's no real clue telling me that he has feelings for me.

And yet, what kind of man does accept so many invitations if he 's not interested in the girl ? We've seen each other every day this week, and we've just hung out together for 2 weeks , so...He must like me a little bit, no ? How do english men react when they like a girl ? What are they expecting ? That we always make the first step ? I'm lost please help me !

[Ameera]

Is he still your teacher? Maybe he doesn't wanna get involved with one of his students. If that's the case I wouldn't take it personally.

[mrtdg82]

Very quick question... how old are you?

[elenyae]

Hey !

No he's not my teacher anymore, and he was more a lecturer than a real teacher anyway. Plus, he's just 3years older than me. I am 20, and rather mature, so I don't really think that's the problem. And i don't think he 's embarassed by his previous position as a teacher, we've always been close, not on a "professional" footing..

I really think there's sth going on between us, but is that friendship or more ? It's hard to tell.. He 's not demonstrative at all, contrary to French men, who find me pretty and often show it without any tact (what I totally dislike) but there, it's too subtle for me. I can't decode his behaviour...

What should I do ? Stop asking him out, and see if he does it instead ?

[mrtdg82]

Depends what part of the UK his from as mad as that sounds....

We are different to other countries though. Far less persistant usually and we treat women very different to our european neighbours.

Cant answer your question really though. Id suggest being blatant with him, im not one for trying to work out if someone likes me, im more of a fan of just outright asking them.

[elenyae]

Yeah, that's what I'll do, eventually if I see that things don't evolve...But that's someone I really care about, and that's rare that I feel like this for a man. So I don't wanna screw things up just because I'm impatient, but, I don't wanna be disappointed either ... So where's the limit ?? He's from Liverpool by the way..

[mrtdg82]

Personally i cant see how being up front can screw things up. As long as you dont blurt out i love you or words to that effect then you are in a no lose situation.

[elenyae]

Yeah of course I'm not gonna make a big declaration cause I'm not feeling this way anyway...But he broke up a few months ago with a very possessive girlfriend who needed to be called 2hours a day, and didn't let him enough space. And I think he may need some time for himself before beginning something new, he may be "marked" by this experience, and think that all girls are the same... And I'm not like that, im very independent, i like my solitude , my friends, so I think I could be right for him. But I don't wanna pressure him since we've just been hanging out for 2 weeks...

But what I'm wondering is : is it possible for a guy to hang out, have dinner, and drinks with a pretty girl, just being alone with her, and do that just out of sympathy or kindness ? Or wen a guy accepts so many invitations, does that mean that he's a little interested ?

[Charlie Boy II]

No a guy wouldn't spend that much time with a girl if he wasn't interested. He must be intimidated by your sexy Frenchness.

[sookie6]

Ok my take...but please British guys on here do not take offense...

In the Uk from what I've noticed compared to France:

-women are more proactive than men. They usually make the obvious move that will make things happen. British men even when they're extremely good looking are not so confident with women as opposed to French men who act cocky even when they're fugly (sorry it's just in their genes they can't help it and I've only ever noticed this by comparing with British and Australian guys...)

-in the UK things happen usually when you go out for a few drinks. Most times if you ask couples how they got together they'd tell you 'I was drunk'...which does not mean they were not sincere at the time just that they needed a little confidence booster.

-British men absolutely loooove French women and their accent. It 's a great turn on to them. So chances are he really likes you.

-British people are more casual than us in France when they start a relationship. They make a clear distinction from 'seeing someone' to 'having a bfriend/fgriend' so do not be too full on from if you succeed in crossin over the friends zone.

Just my 2 cents keeping in mind that each situation is different and it's never good to label people according to their nationality...but you can't help noticing patterns!!!!

[Charlie Boy II]

It's my dream to have a hot french wife one day.

[elenyae]

Thanks guys for your answers !

Sookie, your post was really helpful, thanks for taking the time ..Have you ever dated a British man ?

I find it weird though, cause he doesn't seem that intimidated with me, his behaviour seems pretty relaxed, he sometimes sings, he is not making everything to please me you see ( I wouldn't want that in fact). So, it troubles me cause usually I'm good at seeing if a man is attracted, maybe because they are not very discreet in France Here, I really am afraid that he just sees me as a buddy, but usually, I'm not the kind of girl (without boasting but I realised it thanks to experiences with male friends) that you hang out with as a buddy. And even if I was just a buddy, would he want to see me every day in a week ?! That's contradictory..

The thing is, I'm not very good at making first steps, I'm not the hot enterprising French woman you may think of. I like when things go slowly too, but I need to know if I'm not walking on a wrong path, you see..Imagining that it's gonna lead me somewhere, when not ! And I can't be always the one dragging him out, even if he's always enthusiastic about it. For ex, yesterday, I told him "hey i can come and see u after my class" and he added "yeah and maybe we could have a drink after", so can this be regarded as a English first step too ?

Please, some English men, help !!

[sookie6]

Yes hopefully a few English men will step in and help

My advice though would be to make a move and clear the air ASAP.

You don't want this to drag on for ages...you'll get attached and then if things don't work out as you wish you will hurt big time!

So make a subtle but clear move: get closer physically, hug him, hold his hands., give him a big greeting kiss..if he gets scared you will notice him back off...and then you'll have your answer..

If you are more confident with words then tell him you starting to feel more than friendship for him but men don't like words!!!it scares the hell out of them!!!!

Bonne chance!

[elenyae]

Yeah you're totally right. I feel that I'm already attached to him, and this is obviously gonna get worse...
So yeah, I'll have to summon up my courage and do something more intimate, to make him understand what I'm intending...
But I think he wouldn't be that scared by words, he obviously likes to talk about private things, feelings and all that...He's not just into football and beer, he's sensible and into psychology. So maybe, I could say sth like "I have feelings for you, and I'd like to know if you feel the same or not" or add "there's no pressure, just tell me so that I am fixed.." What do you think ?

And is it not too early, I mean just 5 "dates" and just 2 alone with him to tell him I like him ?? What's the good moment ?

Merci chère compatriote !!

[mrtdg82]

Tell you what sookie6 that analysis of british men it pretty good, im impressed!