I feel so lonely without her, and it's not getting better..

**soulsurvivor23** · 05-03-10, 12:52 PM

You're right, but i'm kind of learning on the fly. The good news for me is that this experience as hard as it has been, is teaching me something new everyday. And i'm thankful for it, from some of the things I've read on here it could be a lot worse. I'm only 22 so I have my whole life ahead of me and I believe the right person will come around one day. It wasn't right for me to stick around for a whole year plus hoping her and her bf would break up. And a bad decision on my part, one that I won't make again.

**lhn** · 05-03-10, 05:46 PM

Well said, well said.

**soulsurvivor23** · 07-03-10, 03:14 AM

It definitely still hurts.. and i'm still feeling it. Especially with the weather getting nice out which gives me a lot of memories. It was almost exactly one year ago when I first told her I love her. I remember the place, the location, time, all of that... But, everytime I want to get sad I remind myself that she has a bf. There's no feeling sorry for her and she's definitely not feeling sorry for me. So i'm trying to pick myself up, dust it off and keep moving. I'd say just like gigabitch said slowly but surely I am feeling a bit better everyday even without noticing. I've been putting my focus on positive things like going to the gym each morning. I'm still only at about 20-25% right now but it's a far cry from what I was when it first happened.

**The Blue Prince** · 07-03-10, 04:43 AM

You're only 22 so I understand this is fairly new for you. For me it seems to hurt until I meet someone new, then it quickly disappears. They say not to rush back in, and don't fall into love on the rebound, but most people do it.

The Blue Prince has spoken

**soulsurvivor23** · 07-03-10, 05:48 AM

Actually this really did happen to me. About a week after she and I stopped talking one of my ex's that I had broken up with 2 or 3 years ago contacted me saying she wants to go out on a date with me. I found myself clinging to her, even to the point of telling her I love her and want to be with her. We went on that date, we talked, we kissed.... But the whole entire date I found that she wasn't really in my mind. Even while kissing her the other girl was still the person I was thinking about. I realized this immediately and I told her when I got back home. She got really pissed, told me I was playing with her emotions, etc etc... And I guess in a way I was, unintentionally. She just happened to come around at the wrong time when I was really desperate for someone to be there in that place. So now i'm just taking time to be by myself and get myself right. I was used as the rebound guy and I know how much it hurts so therefore i'm not going to do that to any girl. I'll get myself back out there when i'm ready.

As for how I feel, yeah i'm not gonna lie, there are times it feels like the end of the world. She was the first only girl I ever told that i'm in love with and the first and only that has said it to me.. And now it feels like that whole moment is tainted because she didn't really love me. She was just using me to get over her ex and then the minute he asked for her back she jumped ship and went back to him. It's hard to imagine myself starting over from scratch with an entirely new girl after investing so much time, money, so much emotionally energy into this one. It's really hard, and i'm trying my best to think positiive. But today is one of those bad days.

**lhn** · 07-03-10, 05:32 PM

Originally Posted by soulsurvivor23

It's hard to imagine myself starting over from scratch with an entirely new girl after investing so much time, money, so much emotionally energy into this one. It's really hard, and i'm trying my best to think positiive. But today is one of those bad days.

God, tell me about it!
For my ex it seems so easy to bounce around, man after man, soaking up the honeymoon periods.
I literally feel so drab when i think of starting up something new with someone. It should be a time of excitement but instead I just think, 'ugh'. Just trying to remind myself of how awesome it is to be in love.

**soulsurvivor23** · 08-03-10, 12:36 AM

Yeah I understand you lhn. It sucks... I think the hardest part of my particular situation is that I live like 5-10 mins away from her and her bf lives like 4-5 hours away. I've never seen him. As strange as this may sound, seeing them together would hurt terribly but at the same time it'd be a shock to the system and it'd help me move on. Right now if I wanted to, things could be just like they were before. Talking to her every night, kissing her, holding hands, going on dates, etc.. Pretty much everything but being able to call her my gf. I could do all of that and she'd let me but everyday I have to remind myself that I was selling myself short. I never thought i'd find myself in a situation where I enjoy the physical because I love someone and that I don't want just friends with benefits but rather a relationship. Now I know how girls feel when a guy just wants to have them there without a committment and they are in love with the guy. It's really a miserable feeling and one that I remind myself of everytime i'm tempted to give her a call.

**Doc Durian** · 08-03-10, 01:22 AM

Originally Posted by IndiReloaded

You shouldn't have lied, IMO. You aren't pulling for them, you know they probably won't make it. Why add to her confusion and make her think you are encouraging their bad relationship? You kept your cool and refused to engage her emotionally, which is good, but I think you would have been even happier with something more like:

'Sorry you are unhappy and confused (mirror her feelings). I know that you will sort things out. I wish you all the best.' Endit.

The word, "pulling" has numerous meanings in that context. He may or may not have considered those but it still doesn't detract from him by suggesting that he would derive happiness from a focal point where another pair discovered it, IMO.

He could simultaneously be happy that she's moving on yet personally feeling want for her despite it.

Every Ex keeps a little piece of my heart. I'm sure I am not alone in this aspect.

**soulsurvivor23** · 08-03-10, 02:32 AM

^^ I guess in a way you could be right although I won't claim that my comments to her were completely genuine. But in thinking about it, deep down inside I know a part of me does want her to be happy with someone. I just kind of resent the fact that the someone who's there right now isn't me.

**cmacattack1** · 08-03-10, 07:46 AM

I think your story made me realize something and another step towards accepting that I will most likely not have my ex back. When you are gone, and you are moved on, there is no really coming back. Makes me wonder why I'm still grieving this and it's not really getting me to where I need to be.

I thought it was very mature for what you did when you went on that date and don't beat yourself up for it too much (although it could probably have been executed better). She was the one that wanted to pursue it and you were honest about how you felt it when you felt it. I think that shows how much you grew as a person. I wish I had this epiphany when I turned 22, I would probably still be with my girlfriend today and not proving her that I am an immature asshole like every other guy.

**soulsurvivor23** · 08-03-10, 11:43 AM

^What happened with you cmacattack?

Anyways, as an update I saw her today and it wasn't quite as hard as last time although still difficult. It's really hard for me to keep it in my mind that she has someone. I see her looking all lonely and I just feel like running over giving her a hug and telling her that I still love her. But at the same time as you said, what i've had to realize is that this isn't supposed to be some type of temporary process. The goal is to get over her, and the intention isn't to ever go back. She has a bf who loves her, i'm saying it and writing it to remind myself of that fact. They are in love and she just wants me on the side. I'm way too good to be someone's backup guy.

And as for the thing with the date, I mean I know i'm still young but 3-4 years ago I would've gone on that same date.. Then I would've probably continued to tell her I love her to make sure that I consistently get that physical no matter whether I felt connected to the girl or not. Then when I get tired of it i'd just move on and tell her I don't feel it (or just tell her nothing and not call anymore).

If there's one positive I can say that i'm taking from this, it's that it forced me to take a good, hard look at myself. I was an asshole of a guy. I felt that I was a nice guy on the premise that I had never cheated on a gf (still haven't), and that I haven't abused any emotionally or physically. But there were a lot of things I would do that just weren't right...

So right now I feel like whenever I get back on that horse i'm gonna be a smarter guy, and a better guy for whoever girl who will have me.

**cmacattack1** · 08-03-10, 01:05 PM

I wish the fact that you and me are both better people for our experiences and will be better boyfriends for our next girls would be enough to keep us happy and take away the pain we are in. It's not enough satisfaction. It's an empty victory and not something to get happy and cheer about when we do not have them at the end of the day. It feels like a competition kind of and when both of our exes are with other people and are very happy, it hurts and it at least makes me feel even more like a loser. Can't blame her for doing what makes her happy though right?

I'm lack some serious self esteem and I can definitely relate to dating girls I didn't really like at first because it was definitely an ego boost. I assumed that feelings would just develop but past the honeymoon they never did. I've been very spoiled by the fact that I've had four great, wonderful girls in my life fall in love with me and I was irresponsible with their feelings. I think you are a better person than me, that's for sure.

**soulsurvivor23** · 08-03-10, 01:27 PM

No. Honestly, i'm a better man than nobody. I'm just coming on here to try and build myself back up and gain the confidence to go back out there and find someone new.

**soulsurvivor23** · 09-03-10, 10:32 AM

I'm about to crack so BADLY. I want to contact her so bad just to see how she's doing. Can I do it?

**cmacattack1** · 09-03-10, 10:38 AM

Ask yourself why you are doing it? Is it for you? What are you going to say? What are you hoping that it will accomplish?

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