no relationship = no sex

[MetalPhoenix]

Hi again

I've been having this discussion on another forum and I can't seem to get my point across (no one gets me), so I'd like your ideas on this:

I have decided that I don't want a relationship. I want to stay single (for know, could change. someday).

And in my humble opinion, sex is something for in a relationship. I don't believe in things like one-night-stands or "sex, just for the sex"...whatever you want to call it. If you do this, fine, go nuts. But for me sex is something special that should be between people who have deep feelings towards eachother (relationship). And who've known eachother longer than 5 hours

But on the other forum no-one seems to understand this idea. Is it really that weird?

They've been joking about hiring "professional help" for me or take me to certain bars where they serve more than drinks. The "joke" is basically to get me laid.

I can't seem to convince them that I don't want sex BECAUSE I don't want a relationship.

I am curious and would like to have sex (someday) but because I want to be single, no sex is an acceptable loss.


So my question is really: Am I really so unique in thinking that sex should be special and between people in a relationship?





(Should the outcome of this be that I'm completely weird, I'm not going to change. I just want to know where I stand. I have rather weird opinions about other topics, so it wouldn't surprise me )

[vashti]

What kind of forum were you posting in? It might be a factor in the kind of response you got.

Anyway, I don't think you are weird, unless you end up being single for 15 years or something... meaningful sex is better than casual sex.

But casual sex might be better than none at all, at least for a lot of people.

[Mish]

I have decided that I don't want a relationship. I want to stay single (for know, could change. someday).

And in my humble opinion, sex is something for in a relationship. I don't believe in things like one-night-stands or "sex, just for the sex"...whatever you want to call it. If you do this, fine, go nuts. But for me sex is something special that should be between people who have deep feelings towards eachother (relationship). And who've known eachother longer than 5 hours

But on the other forum no-one seems to understand this idea. Is it really that weird?

It's not weird at all. I think the people who said that to you are weird.

Unfortunately I've noticed that sex for some people has become like some sort of currency. As in, the more they have it = the richer they are. So they try to "maximize their profits" by sleeping with as many people as possible to prove how great they are. Personally I think it's very disturbing and people who think this way need help.

[girl68]

Revscene? Tell them to hire away. Spend the evening talking to her about feelings. Then tell your friends how much you enjoyed said talk.

[QueenofCorona]

No shame, I did that too. One night stands made me feel kind of cheap and just weren't for me. Forget that noise that others told you.Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one. You know who you are and thats all that matters.

[MetalPhoenix]

No so strange after all, then

What kind of forum were you posting in? It might be a factor in the kind of response you got.

Anyway, I don't think you are weird, unless you end up being single for 15 years or something... meaningful sex is better than casual sex.

But casual sex might be better than none at all, at least for a lot of people.

It was on a forum with a lot of friends, so the joking was inevitable.
Oh...and I'm single for 24 years now

It's not weird at all. I think the people who said that to you are weird.

Unfortunately I've noticed that sex for some people has become like some sort of currency. As in, the more they have it = the richer they are. So they try to "maximize their profits" by sleeping with as many people as possible to prove how great they are. Personally I think it's very disturbing and people who think this way need help.

A collegue of mine is "proud" to be with a different girl every couple of weeks. When I call him a slut, he tends to agree and laugh about it. So in your story he is one rich bastard. I don't think he needs help, but it goes against a lot I believe in

Revscene? Tell them to hire away. Spend the evening talking to her about feelings. Then tell your friends how much you enjoyed said talk.

No, they were joking about getting me to a prostitute. But as you (hopefully) can tell: No way I'm gonna go there. I'd rather die a virgin

No shame, I did that too. One night stands made me feel kind of cheap and just weren't for me. Forget that noise that others told you.Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one. You know who you are and thats all that matters.

I don't listen to them and I'm going to stick to my own opinions. I just wanted to know if my point of view was old-fashioned or naive

[Petit Papillon]

Wait... Are you still a virgin? Have you ever had a gf?

[MetalPhoenix]

Yes, I'm a virgin

I've been close with someone for a couple of weeks. It never really was a relationship, but we were very close. Unfortunately it ended after about 6 weeks.

So, no: never had a girlfriend. Only came close

[Petit Papillon]

Now I understand why your friends act this way... See, my brother is going to be 27 this year,and he's a virgin too... Belive me, each year is going to be harder and harder to find a girl who will ,hmmm not find it funny that you're still a virgin... Unless you'll find one who belives in 'no sex before marriage' but it's hard nowadays. I mean, it will be hard to find a gf AT ALL, because girls who date guys in your age,mostly expect them to have already some experience... If I were you, I wouldn't make such a decission right now. I think I would be desperate to find a gf...

[sookie6]

I would happily make a trip to Luxembourg and help you with your first time Metal Phoenix as think you are a really good guy and I get the feeling you are very cute...

But I truly believe that someone with such a special heart should wait for the right person...when you make love for the first I hope it will be because you are in love. It will be for the good reasons and stay a beautiful experience in your memory.

Love has happened to even the most sceptical of us so I think it will happen to you too whatever you say now...

[MetalPhoenix]

This is not a decision I made overnight. I realize that it will be next to impossible later on.

BUT: I don't want to go though the misery I've been through before.

I'm not desperate. Ive been hurt enough to not want this crap anymore. So the fact that I probably won't have sex is "an acceptable loss".

[Petit Papillon]

I just tell you what can happen. If you accept it then it's your life and you decide how it's going to be. I'm just saying as now you could still find a girl that would love you in return and experience sex with her ,later the only way to have it will probably be just with a prostitute...
OR maybe not, everything can happen hehe.

[MetalPhoenix]

I would happily make a trip to Luxembourg and help you with your first time Metal Phoenix as think you are a really good guy and I get the feeling you are very cute...

But I truly believe that someone with such a special heart should wait for the right person...when you make love for the first I hope it will be because you are in love. It will be for the good reasons and stay a beautiful experience in your memory.

Love has happened to even the most sceptical of us so I think it will happen to you too whatever you say now...

Haha..thanks, but just to warn you: I'm very stubborn and quite boring. Probably the main reason I'm single. But I like boring. And I don't want that to change. I only write how I feel about certain things. So I think you find me "cute" because of a couple of opinions. Don't get your hopes up too much. I'm not that special

I hate being in love, so I hope I can avoid that feeling.

oh...Luxembourgh is I great country and I love to go there for some really nice roads, but it's not where I live
I'm from the Netherlands. The blue in the Dutch flag is slightly darker

[sookie6]

Haha..thanks, but just to warn you: I'm very stubborn and quite boring. Probably the main reason I'm single. But I like boring. And I don't want that to change. I only write how I feel about certain things. So I think you find me "cute" because of a couple of opinions. Don't get your hopes up too much. I'm not that special

I hate being in love, so I hope I can avoid that feeling.

oh...Luxembourgh is I great country and I love to go there for some really nice roads, but it's not where I live
I'm from the Netherlands. The blue in the Dutch flag is slightly darker

Okay I won't flirt with you again then...but everybody is special to somebody you know...and do not think I am a hopeless romantic because it's not the case...I'm quite the realistic in general...but love or chemistry or the natural need to reproduce will one day barge into your life whether you like or not...

On a side note: I had a bfriend years ago who had very low libido...very sporty and healthy but just not a high sexual drive..so I can easily imagine that there are other men out there whose first preocupation is not to jump girls!!!

[MetalPhoenix]

Okay I won't flirt with you again then...but everybody is special to somebody you know...and do not think I am a hopeless romantic because it's not the case...I'm quite the realistic in general...but love or chemistry or the natural need to reproduce will one day barge into your life whether you like or not...

On a side note: I had a bfriend years ago who had very low libido...very sporty and healthy but just not a high sexual drive..so I can easily imagine that there are other men out there whose first preocupation is not to jump girls!!!

I guess that everyone can find someone who is right for him/her. But I've just decided to no go through any effort to get a girlfriend. I just don't want to be hurt anymore.
I want to have sex, don't get me wrong. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choise. But one split second thought about one of the times I got hurt takes all the doubt away.
I guess the sex drive is there. I just have enough common sense to ignore the more basic instincts