should I call again?

[nightshades~]

Its a long story short version is I broke up with my ex three months ago (its a LDR) anyways it was the hardest time in my life after four years
However his nephew promised to help and he talked to my ex and he was able to get us talk again..

after three days of talking my ex was so cold and he said he just cant love anyone anymore and I was really hurt so I told him "I cant be in a relationship if you are only here to make me happy.." anyways he said he is sick (he is always sick ) and he cant concentrate so we will talk later.

I sent him an email that I'm travelling for couple days and I need to forget about all the mess because obviously the old us will never come back..

After that he disappeared totally, no emails..no messenger ..nothing

I called once and his mom told me that he was picking grocery and if I can call later..

Now 10 days has passed since the last call...

Just I'm really confused should I call again? dont at least I deserve a closure?

[dre760]

It sounds to me like he is trying to move on or he is just indifferent and doesn't care at all.

In your case, hopefully he is trying to move on. There is no better time then now to better yourself and look back at your relationship and see where you went wrong (Do not tell us you did nothing wrong because if you were perfect, he would have never left you, or never told you "I cant love anyone anymore"). Identify the ups and downs you guys had. Once you figure out where you went wrong, you need to work on yourself and change these things about you.

I would not advise calling him again. He knows you called before and has had an entire week to call you back. He wants space and wants time to think about what is actually going on. You have to let him take all the steps to come back to you. Calling and begging and pushing him is only going to push him away further.



By the way, why did you break up with him in the first place?

[LeeLooD]

I know by experience that break ups can be veryyyyyyy VERYYYYYYYY hard and sometimes if you have the slightest hope that you can get back together, is even harder.
It is very clear the fact that he's not interested in trying to make that relationship work again. He's moved on.
Don't call. Don't email him.. just don't try to contact him anymore.
It's been 3 months since the break up and 10 days since the last time you talked to him.. I think its pretty much clear that he doesn't feel the same way about you anymore and as hard as it is.. for you own health.. you have to let him go.

I know at this time you're not ready to "read" this but, someone is out there for you. You just need to be patient and he'll arrive.
Not today, but someday. Now focus on healing your broken heart by distracting yourself doing stuff you never did when you were with him. This helps to forget.
Visit new places, play new games, meet new people.
Call old friends.
Keep your mind away from everything related to him.

It worked for me a 4 years ago when my ex broke up with me, i suffered and kept hope on us, but it never happened.
Now Im married to the best man alive.. and im happy. U'll get there sometime. I promise.

[cmacattack1]

3 months isn't even that long of a time compared to 4 years of a relationship. You may want to talk things out, work things out, get some closure but he doesn't care too. He is still hurt, his feelings are still involved and nothing good is going to come of that. He is dealing with his hurt and problems like a child. If you keep pushing for it, he is just going to be defensive and pull away more.

Like dre said, now would be a good time to look at what was going on with your relationship and achieving an understanding of what and how things came to this will significantly help you out. You won't have all the answers because he will have most of them, and you tried but he isn't responding. You have to figure things best out on your own and soldier on through the hurt. He is the only person that can make you feel better but he doesn't want to.

I know your feelings are involved and emotions and it's tough to make sense of everything. If you talk about your relationship in full and honest detail to somebody that isn't biased (i.e. us) maybe we can provide some insight. We don't want you making the same mistakes again do we?

[nightshades~]

I know I did horrible mistakes in my relationship and thats why I never mentioned them because I dont want someone to hear people telling me I'm a bad person because deep inside I know I'm not bad..

here is my story..I've grown up in a very restrictive family, they just dont allow me to travel or leave the country alone and like it or not thats how I was grown.

while my family are very restrictive however we dont have problems with money, I mean my family was always relaxed with money so I took the education I needed and went to uni and started to work and pay for uni fees my self and everything was ok

the opposite happened with the guy I met online who lives thousends miles away..his family are so unsupportive he lives in a family that get drugs and drunk all the time..and he couldnt get the education nor the life he wanted yet he was different from his family...he was different , he never drinks he never uses drug and he has passion for reading and way too honest in everything


anyways what happened is that even though our relationship was online we really loved each other, and spent hours together, I used to help him in math to get GED and taught him web development...he used to help me in my uni essay and you know even though it was online, I never can imagine to love anyone the way I loved him

the problem is his poverty killed our passion..I never paid attention to money because its just a nature in me...I'm generouse to all the people I met and to him I was even more..

once I sent him my own mp3 because I wanted to share part of things i have , later I started to work online so I used to surprise him and send him the books he love , even one valentine I sent him a basket of things, and later on a watch and so many things and I wasnt expecting a thing on return... I just wanted to tell him that I love him regardless to what he is or what his family is doing ..because I really did love him

sometime through the first two years he used to disappear suddenly (which was really painful) and then after two month he would come and say he couldnt pay for the internet, and he doesnt have the money to call or anything and this was one of the worst part in my life...

later on we exchanged every details in our life, phone numbers, passwords, bank accounts and it never hurt me or him because our relationship was much much more than those small details and trust wasnt an issue between us

We knew finally decided that we need to meet, an online relationship wouldnt work and so we decided to save money...we decided for him to come over since my family will never allow me to travel ..and so that was the deal I started to help some with money but he did the big part of it even though the saving was very slow and even unnoticed...

Later one we concentrated so much on saving..and coming over that we forgot the main thing of our life which is our relationship...he got so busy..I got so busy...we would barely talk even when we talk we would be dead tired...we would only fight and then each one would leave angry...

My mom knew about us and made a big fight with me...she threatened me to make my life hell if I keep on with this guy...and she cried and she knew I was stubborn enough to continue..and I told that to him which made him more stress...later on we kept talking but all what we did was casual talk...I come home dead tired from work..he goes to work after I come...and we never talk or even worse we talk of fears of the future...something got completely lost and I felt it...and he felt it too

my biggest mistake...

my biggest mistake is that I saw a guy at work who really loved me and started to show so much attention..and like when we talked at first we had the same intrest on everything..and later on he was really intrested that he started to do alot of things to get my attention (which was the first guy that loves me in my own area) ..you know he was very sneaky like he would go with mind games , like putting my favorite drink on my office desk when I first come...giving flowers to all the girls in the room so I get one..and even more and more..

I never hid on my beloved i told him every details, I told him I'm confused and I told him I have feeling for that rich guy . which hurt him so bad...he tried , he tried to take me to his side but all what I did was to get depressed...I lost both...I made the rich guy go crazy about my confusion and think I'm playing on him and so he turned into a bad ass person...and at the same time..my ex lost all the money we saved...his family were broken and he paid all the 4 thousends dollar we spent two years saving on his family bills...everything ended that time..

He hated his family...and we broke up (I left because we were extremly bad with each other)...later on...we stopped talking at all...I tried to talk to him again he refused...then later he said he forgives me but he cant forgive himself for wasting four years of my life....and later on he said he cant love anyone anymore...and later on he wants me to be happy....and later on he dissappears....

when we were in the last year our relationship was dead...when finally we broke up and got seperated I felt so bad...I felt sad that he lost the money in his family...I felt bad that I got confused on our relationship...I felt sad..and lonely and all those

with him I learnt to love, to be myself and to shine....without him I cant even smile nor be happy...without him I'm just the sad old me the person who can never sleep without crying..

I feel sad, but most often I feel bitter because Its my fault..its my mistake...I sometimes think I can work hard enough and save the money alone and send it to him....

I'm not a needy person...I'm a person in love and a person that needs to say I'm sorry for the pain I caused this guy because I might be crazy..I might be lonely...I might be anything but not someone who intentionally hurt the ones she love...thats not me...that is the thing I will never be


long...so long...and sorry for that

[cmacattack1]

No need to apologize.

I think the bottom line for you is that while we are "taught" that love can conquer all, in reality it cannot. Love cannot beat the feeling of loneliness everyday, and can't afford to just disappear off the face of the earth for months at a time. You aren't a bad person for liking somebody that you could see and interact with in your area, because it's much more real in person than it is over the internet. There is no substitution for the kind of feeling you get from being intimate and being in the arms of somebody else.

I think another thing that we are taught is that when we put all of our effort into something, we are able to succeed at anything in life. And this holds very true for things in our lives involving us, whether its pursuing a career, or getting better at a sport, etc. However, it doesn't translate over to our relationships because you are working with somebody that is different from you and with their own identity, priorities, thoughts and feelings. Even when you give something your full effort, that's only half the equation. I'm sure my ex would be the first to support the theory that she gave everything her effort and it didn't get her what she wanted in the end because I wasn't willing to reciprocate that effort. His priority is helping out his family with the money he saved for you and while it's very possible you guys could have worked out at a different time and a different place in life, it's not working out now.

So you decided to end things and pursue something for you. I know that's the definition of selfish but it's a very disheartening feeling to devote time, energy, money, and so on to something if you aren't getting what you want. People that put relationships above everything else in their life are just setting themselves up for failure. Especially in the times of your teens and twenties where you are trying to find your own identity and are very inexperienced, the chances of it working out are very small. And when you devote so much to something and it still fails, when it's your top priority what are you left with in the end? Nothing but hurt, anger, resentment, you name it.

I'm sure this individual had an impact on your life that you won't soon forget. And if it's been a positive impact, you will always have them to thank.