Don't know what to do?

[lilxcutie53]

Hi, so I am a female that is still a virgin, in college and dating her 2nd boyfriend. My bf and I have been dating for about 7 months, but have been hanging out/talking/fooling around for a year and a half. Recently, not having sex has become a problem in our relationship. My bf is getting frustrated and feels like I don't care about our relationship and that our relationship is not going to grow on an intimate level which will cause problems in the relationship because we are not having sex. A couple of weeks ago we had this disscusion about how I had been thinking about having sex with him, but wasn't ready yet and that I just wanted him to respect that and just let me tell him when I was ready. He told me that he cared about me and had feelings for me and that he respected my thoughts about the situation. After that conversation he didnt really bring up the topic of us having sex until the other day when we had our fight. He said that to him sex is important and that its just not about being physical to him and that when he has sex he puts emotions towards and it means something to him, etc. He said that he doesnt understand why girls dont want to have sex with him and that it makes him feel really insecure and that hes tired of hearing his guy friends make fun of him for not having sex in college and makes him think about how i feel about him and if i even want to have sex with him, etc.
I dont really know what to do, because the only reason I am waiting is because I want to make sure that there is enough data for me to know if we are in a commited relationship or not, before we have sex.
Does not having sex for a guy really **** with their head?
Do guys really need to have sex with their partner to feel a emotional connection? I feel like half of what guys say to their girlfriends about having sex, is complete bullshit. I'm not one of those girls that can be easily manipulated...trust me...

what are your thoughts?

[dewilliams2]

You have made him wait a while but there isn't anything wrong with that. The fact that he has stuck around means he cares for you...trust me I know plenty of places to find a girl that will lift their skirt after introductions are made...some before...of course you also leave with something that burns so I don't advise those ladies.

I could see where he might feel like you are not attracted to him in that way or you don't trust him.

Its up to you what you want to do...don't let him pressure you if you don't want to....but in the same sense sex is an important part of any relationship so its totally your call.

[wezzel98765]

Sounds quite a difficult one to decide on to be honest :/

Sounds as though he likes to have sex, which, most people do... however I think he is wanting it for the right reasons. He has said that he wants to do it because he wants it for a more "emotional" connection.

However, if you don't feel ready yet, I don't see why you should rush in to things yet. Maybe you'll find that you need to have a nice romantic night in and be calm and see where it goes.

[CAM]

I've dated you. Well, not you but your type of girl. It wasn't that she kept me waiting that bothered me. It was the fact that she'd get off but I wasn't allowed to. Example: heavy petting in the car for hours. Great. No problem. Lots of fun kissing and such. Then, she be straddling me (clothed) and start grinding on my hard on (in my pants). If I so much as dared grind back, she'd have a fit. How dare I try to push her too far. Blah, blah, blah.

What???? How can be going too far? We're still dressed, honey!!!

Anyway, my point is that in your "fooling around" with him, make sure that you aren't using virginity to control the situation and becoming a selfish (and clothed) lover. Get my point?

[lilxcutie53]

Anyway, my point is that in your "fooling around" with him, make sure that you aren't using virginity to control the situation and becoming a selfish (and clothed) lover. Get my point?

haha I see what you mean, but its not that. We grind and stuff, but were fully naked. I mean i make sure that he is careful and to watch where he puts it and what not.
I'm just not ready to be that emotionally involved yet...having sex is too vulnerable for me to do at this point, but he doesnt understand that and thinks i'm being the selfish one... In reality...I see his point..how that would make one look selfish, but for a relationship, the situation should not be treated this way.

[Illusional]

f*ck that... i have a friend who isn't. he probably was pounding the shit out of his ex's because he's a male. well his current gf is a virgin and he's been with her for 2 years...YES, 2 DAMN YEARS. if he has that much will power that he can still be with her and they do probably everything else but sex, then make your bf wait. honestly, if a guy is really into a girl, then it shouldn't be a problem. i dunno if i could wait two years for a girl to give it up to me, but if my friend can do it, then your bf should be able to. hahaha...

chastity belt time!!

raverboy

[all alone]

So the problem isn't physical intimacy, your just scared of being hurt in the end. Vulnerability is actually one of the most underrated features needed for a healthy relationship. I understand how it is hard to put yourself in a position to be hurt, and a lot of people have problems coming to terms with that. However maybe you should also consider the alternative. How would you feel if you lost your bf?.. Are you sure that you are so impervious to pain that if he left right now, it wouldn't mean anything to you?.. or are you already in far enough that he has had a slight impact on you.

[lilxcutie53]

Vulnerability is actually one of the most underrated features needed for a healthy relationship. I understand how it is hard to put yourself in a position to be hurt, and a lot of people have problems coming to terms with that. How would you feel if you lost your bf?.. Are you sure that you are so impervious to pain that if he left right now, it wouldn't mean anything to you?.. or are you already in far enough that he has had a slight impact on you.

I am kinda confused by what you are saying? If you mean by me losing my bf because i dont want to have sex with him, then he would be a shitty boyfriend and why would I have wanted to have sex with him in the first place? If we broke up yeah I would be sad, but obviously it would be something i'd have to get over.

I'm just still a little untrustworthy of him and i am afraid that if we have sex that one night he might go out and cheat on me. We have for the most part, a pretty good relationship. We hardly argue, we are content with eachother when were trying to negotiate a problem, there were just some things that he did when we first started dating that make me still a bit untrustworthy... I just want to make sure that I know for a fact that he wont cheat & I am just waiting until he opens up more to me about his feelings...

[davidtorres]

well at the end he will cheat on you since hes not getting something from you. he will find that something from another girl. lol

[doppelgaenger]

I am kinda confused by what you are saying? If you mean by me losing my bf because i dont want to have sex with him, then he would be a shitty boyfriend and why would I have wanted to have sex with him in the first place? If we broke up yeah I would be sad, but obviously it would be something i'd have to get over.

I'm just still a little untrustworthy of him and i am afraid that if we have sex that one night he might go out and cheat on me. We have for the most part, a pretty good relationship. We hardly argue, we are content with eachother when were trying to negotiate a problem, there were just some things that he did when we first started dating that make me still a bit untrustworthy... I just want to make sure that I know for a fact that he wont cheat & I am just waiting until he opens up more to me about his feelings...

Has he broken your trust, or are you insecure?

I don't understand why you think he will cheat on you if you sleep with him. You are apparently having everything but vaginal intercourse at this point. You've had him on the hook for 7 months and you haven't reeled him all the way in yet. The thing is, he might just leave you or cheat on you if you don't decide to fulfill his desires. If you give him what he wants, what reason does he have to cheat on you?

[lilxcutie53]

Has he broken your trust, or are you insecure?

I don't understand why you think he will cheat on you if you sleep with him. You are apparently having everything but vaginal intercourse at this point. You've had him on the hook for 7 months and you haven't reeled him all the way in yet. The thing is, he might just leave you or cheat on you if you don't decide to fulfill his desires. If you give him what he wants, what reason does he have to cheat on you?

hmmm....not sure I believe what you say...sorry, but i'm not a naive girl...guys don't leave just because you dont have sex with them...and giving sex would give him mooorre of a reason to cheat because hes already conquered what he wanted...
good try tho

[dewilliams2]

hmmm....not sure I believe what you say...sorry, but i'm not a naive girl...guys don't leave just because you dont have sex with them...and giving sex would give him mooorre of a reason to cheat because hes already conquered what he wanted...
good try tho

Sorry but I think your logic is a little bit backwards.

I'm the kind of guy who won't cheat, I'll stay in my own backyard without a fence...but with that said if there was no reason for me to stay at home then I'm not going to stay...I think he would be more likely to cheat if he feels that part of the relationship is lacking and he can get it somewhere else but if he feels the relationship is complete then he may be like me and more likely to stay around.

Now once again I'm not telling you to have sex...I'm just pointing out that I do believe your logic and insight into the male mind is flawed.

[girl68]

Have you guys said I love you? Do you love him? What exactly are you waiting for? Why do you think he'll cheat? There are many men like williams who aren't cheaters, how after 7 months of dating do you not know this about your guy? Do you have any reason at all to believe he will leave? And the reason you have given thus far is not a reason. Because you are guessing that once a man gets what he wanted he ups and leaves. That is simply not true. Is he the type of guy that sets his mind to something, completes it then never looks back?

[doppelgaenger]

Sorry but I think your logic is a little bit backwards.

I'm the kind of guy who won't cheat, I'll stay in my own backyard without a fence...but with that said if there was no reason for me to stay at home then I'm not going to stay...I think he would be more likely to cheat if he feels that part of the relationship is lacking and he can get it somewhere else but if he feels the relationship is complete then he may be like me and more likely to stay around.

Now once again I'm not telling you to have sex...I'm just pointing out that I do believe your logic and insight into the male mind is flawed.

Um, for one, I'm a guy, and I think your lack of logic and insight on the male mind is flawed. Backwards, indeed.

Guys are pretty straightforward, unlike women apparently. It's simple:
Wants/needs not met >> guy takes action to make sure wants/needs are met.
In your case this is sex. Sure, we'll wait just to prove our commitment to you, but really, you're just being overly cautious. Most men are loyal, faithful creatures.
Your guy wants sex, and it doesn't sound like he wants to wait much longer to get some. It's very likely he'll break up with you and find someone easier, or may as well just cheat on you.

[Coco]

If I were him I would leave your ass and find someone who won't play these childish ass games.
Your boyfriend needs someone who is confident, strong, honest and sexually secure.
You aren't as tough as you make yourself out to be miss I'm-not-naive.