Does celibacy mean a break up?

**loveisaplace** · 04-03-10, 09:19 AM

Hi all,

I've been having a problem recently, and it's been awkward for me to bring up with my friends.

After a very intense, very erratic 8month relationship with the 'first love' (we're both in high school), I met a guy a year older than me. He's a senior at a different school, and basically everything any girl could want. He's attractive, kind, sweet, funny, and most of all stable. He's kind of shy, and definitely a sweetheart, and a lot of his friends joked that I was going to break his heart. We've been dating for 6months, and he treats me wonderfully.

However, I have a few emotional problems, and my last relationship scarred me. I know it's terrible, but I cheated on my current boyfriend a few times with my ex. I know that's awful, and many of you should/will judge me for it. I just wanted to let you know the full story.

I am no longer fooling around with the ex. However, recently I have been feeling less and less into sex. In fact, my boyfriend and I have not had sex in over a month. With my ex, it was several times a week - mostly because it was easier to find a place to do so. During the collapse of our relationship, I used sex as a way to stay close to him. Like I said, messed up.

I had sex with my boyfriend a month into our relationship, and at the time I didn't regret it. It was nice - not as insane as the last, but it was comfortable and happy. I'd say that would be the common thread: I am comfortably in love with my boyfriend, he has always been there for me. But not a lot is very exciting - he never has any ideas of what to do, and I always am contributing the interesting parts of the conversations. We never do anything thrilling, and he does not really have the same artistic/creative interests I do. Over and over, I've been told that because I'm an artist I'll be drawn to intensity and creativity. I guess that's the case. I love my boyfriend, but I'm BORED.

I'm not sure if this boredom/guilt has caused me to withdraw sexually. I have no idea what it is. I've tried talking about it, and my friends don't understand, they think I just don't love him anymore. that's not the case, I really do love him, but this problem has made me irritable and I find myself being bitchy via text. i try to stop but I am just so frustrated.

I told him that I was having problems wanting sex, and he said he'd wait til we figured it out. I can tell he's anxious though, and he tells me he misses hookingup. Whenever we kiss I always feel like he's just using it to get farther, even though I know that's not the case. I don't want him to touch me sexually. I love him, and I just want things to go back to the way they were.

Please help me, I'm sorry for the long message.