My ex pulls out a diamond. What do I do?

[butterfly-kiss]

I need some advice.

My ex boyfriend and I dated for 2 years. I wanted to marry this man so badly. We discussed marriage but he never bought a ring.

He broke up when me in August because we were both fighting and being unreasonable with each other. He called me a week or so later, and owned up to his mistake, fully apologized for everything. I was happy he did this; I did keep a little distance from him.
He did make some mistakes, and was not always active in my everyday activities. He did not attend my master’s degree graduation. We got in a fight on New Year’s Eve 2008, and he did not kiss me at midnight. He asked me to move in with him after 1 year of dating. I said no, he somewhat held me still living at home with my parents over my head at 30 years old. Sometimes I felt his mom, and sister were more of a first in his life then I was.

We began to talk again, and he asked me out for dinner a few weeks later. We had a great time and shared a kiss at the end. We did this for a few months. I did not see it going anywhere. I never gave him and ultimatum. I wanted him to come to me, and make full amends with me, and buy me a ring. He needs to make up his mind. He did tell me I am the one he wants to marry.

I went to go see him on Christmas Eve. I bought him an expensive gift. I was really hoping he would propose to me. Well he did not. He did get me my second choice an awesome camera I really wanted.
I broke up with him right after that. Then I really confused him because I had sex with him, I am the one who asked for the sex too. It is something we have not done in months. After that I left, and told him not to call me, text me or have any communication with me. He had the most blank look on his face, and the first time I ever say him confused.

I did text continue to text him, and call him, he usually responded with light responses. After 3 weeks he sent me an email telling me that he cleaned out a room, found several shirts of mine there. It was reasonable so I went to get them.

He was friendly we talked some, and he asked me a few questions, and was slightly clingy. All he asked for was a hug goodbye. I did not feel uncomfortable in any way. I have been texting him, and calling him 2x or so a week. He usually responded.

Well the other day we were texting, and he asked me if he could see me in person to ask me something. I have not seen him in 6 weeks. Well we met, and he pulls out a 2 carat loose diamond (beautiful 2 carat princess cut colorless) , and tells me he loves me, and wants to work this out. He did not ask me to marry him, but told me his intentions were to work together even go to counseling if needed. He told me he wanted to marry me, and this is the only we he could show me he is serious. He said if everything goes well, we will shop for a setting, and put this diamond on my finger. I even saw tears coming from his eyes. He has never showed much emotion, and I never once saw him cry. Why today? I was overwhelmed I started to cry, but then felt angry why he had to play the game of waiting 2 more months. I was ever so slowly trying to move on.

I wanted some answers, and clarification from him. He asked me why I got my dad involved us breaking up. My dad did get harsh with him, and actually walked in his front door, and gave him a piece of his mind. He also said I sent him mixed signals by telling him I miss him, sent him love songs, and told him the dreams I had about us when I told him not to contact me. He also told me he has seen a few selfish, and one sided behaviors in me. I admit I do miss him, and love him.

He told me he is sorry he took longer it is a big decision, and he wanted to make the right decision. I highly doubt he did this out of desperation. He has a business man, and responsible with money. I don’t know how much this diamond was, but based on the grading papers, and looking at prices online it had to be very expensive. He just does not pull out that kind of money for nothing, or would be play games with that amount of money. I told him I need a month to think about it, I have so any thoughts going through my head.

He asked me not to contact him until I decide what I want. The only exception is if something important happens I feel he should know about. We quickly discussed our fears. My fear is that another woman will stay the night at the house we picked out. He told me that you don’t buy a diamond with marriage in mind and have other women stay the night. He said his fear is if 30 days of not talking will be absence makes the heart grow fonder, or out of sight out of mind for me

Am I being unreasonable with him? He took his time, so why can’t I?

[Perryville]

BK, this is a kind of back-ass proposal, but you and him aren't in competition here. If it feels right, do it, if not , let him know why you are taking so long.

[lhn]

You're annoyed at him, as far as you're concerned, for taking too long. And now you want to put him through the same thing?
A little childish tbh.
You say you want to marry him and still love him. So why waste anymore time? You don't need to use this time to get back at him. Use it to be happy, to move on and to let each other know you love one another and want to make things work.

If you decide the timing is now wrong, or you feel pressured/worried, then hold back and explain the reasons. You're both adults for christs sakes.

You have got what you wanted. He has come back and shown he wants to give things a try. Most of use don't get secod chances. Don't waste yours.

Goodluck.

[Gigabitch]

Do you really, really want to marry this guy?

[vashti]

Why did he skip your graduation?

I kind of agree with lhn... it sounds like you are being punitive by asking for more time.... why do you need more time? You already said you wanted him.

On the other hand, he still hasn't asked you to marry him. How old are you guys? Maybe you are too young to get married, and that is why he is dragging his feet?