slowly building a friendship, but is there anything else?

[thewhiterabbit]

So I've posted about this before a few weeks ago, but at the time we weren't talking as much as we have been the last couple of weeks.

In early February I met a guy at a mutual friend's house. I may have gotten a little too drunk and hit on him a little too much that night(really just talking to him too much and ignoring the other people there. Nothing overtly sexual, but it had people talking nonetheless). He was kind and attentive, but he didn't return my advances, at all. I found out the next day (as I don't remember much of the night) from our mutual friend that he had told her he doesn't "take advantage" of drunk girls is why he didn't return any of my advances. Note that he did not say he would have if I'd been sober, though. So the next day I add him on Myspace with an apologetic message. He responds saying that he understands that I was "just drunk".

We talked on there for a few weeks over IM, but I moved back in with my mom to save up for a car as I haven't had one in a few months after wrecking my car and losing my job in late November. She doesn't have internet here, so I gave him my number "in case he needed someone to remind him why he shouldn't see his ex". He texted me within minutes of getting my number, and we text for several hours every day. He texts first occasionally, but it's normally me that texts him. He usually texts back promptly though, and we have really nice chats. His best friend(who I offended last time we met, so he hates me now even though I've apologized) has told mutual friends that "I'm taking him away from (his friend)" because of how much he texts, so I'm sure he doesn't ususally do it this often. His friend made comments about "nipping it in the bud". When I talked to him about it he said his friend was "being stupid". He flirts on occasion, but that could just be his personality, too.

We talk about intimate details of our past, and we regularly discuss past relationships and his dating habits these days. He doesn't have a steady girlfriend as he is waiting on his ex to make up her mind, but he seems to be dating more and more lately which makes me think he's getting ready to move on from her finally after 8 months.

We live 4 hours away right now, and without a car I can't go visit him. I really like him, though, I'm not sure how he feels. Sometimes it seems like it might be going that direction then others he seems to just enjoy having someone he trusts to talk to. I'll be moving an hour away from him in the next 6 months to go back to school. He talked me into this, and he regularly visits this city.

Does anyone think he might have feelings too? I don't want to stick around if not, as I can't take the being friends with someone I like deal.

I'm just still so unsure about this, and it's been over 4 years since I've even been in a position to date. I need some advice!

[thewhiterabbit]

Eh, I don't guess anyone is going to respond.

Was hoping to get some opinions on this as I REALLY don't know if he likes me or not.

[Chupacabras]

...His friend made comments about "nipping it in the bud".

There's the operative quote right there. He wants to be friends, his friend sees that you're interested in more. What he means by nipping it in the bud is that this guy needs to clarify that he's not interested in you romantically.

Maybe there's something there, but it doesn't read like there is. You can always just ask where you stand.

[thewhiterabbit]

I do need to (wo)man up and talk to him about!

I'm afraid you mistook the quote though. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seemed you thought that his friend told him to nip it in the bud. He actually told another mutual friend that HE(the best friend that hates me) was going to nip it in the bud. As he also mentioned that I was "taking his friend away", I took it that he said it as a means of getting me out of the picture because he's so jealous.


Also if it matters at all, I didn't get to talk to him for a two days because my phone was being replaced, and he commented that he missed me when I replied to a text he sent me during that time. May not mean anything though.

[Chupacabras]

Yeah, I was reading it as the friend thought this guy was stringing you along.

Sounds like you're in a weird state of limbo right now due to living arrangements. It'll be tough getting anything going with that distance between you. As it stands you'd be doing LDR, at least for a little while, and it's very hard to build a relationship that way; is there any way he could visit you?

[girl68]

I don't think he's interested. I think he just enjoys having a female companion he enjoys chatting and texting with. But if you need to know for obvious reasons then just ask him if there's any chance he's feeling you and if you go live near him if something might happen.

[QueenofCorona]

I think he just wants you as a friend, like someone said a female to have around and boost his self esteem and can open up about things he may not talk about with his guy friends. If he were interested you'd KNOW it. He'd be calling, asking you out, visiting you. Not to mention rules of dating 101, he would not be confiding in you about his feelings towards his ex. She'd really probably not be mentioned at all if he were pursuing you.

[thewhiterabbit]

Thanks guys! You're probably right! I kind of new that, I guess. Was just hoping! He's just the first guy since my best friend/"friend with benefits and feelings on my part" and I stopped talking a couple of months ago after 4 years that I could see myself with. It was very devastating for me, but even though the guy in the OP may not be into me at least now I know that I CAN have feelings for someone else, on the positive side!