Interrogation of the Ex

[LouisianaLady29]

When an ex declares all but the purest hatred for you and everything to do with you and says they want nothing else to do with you period (including the child you share) why on Earth would it behoove him to ask anyone who has seen me where I work or anything to do with me? A co worker of mine said she commented to him last night when she saw him while shopping on how lovely our baby is and he should step up. He told her the same old story that he wants nothing to do with me or the baby and his usual set of lies but yet she says he continued to try and pry where we work out of her. I said maybe it was to ask her out or something but she says her fiancee was with her.

Why would an ex ask anything to do with you if they want nothing to do with you? My father says its keeping tabs that even though he doesnt want to man up right now nor be with me that he wants to keep tabs so when all else fails I am a backup. This infuriates me. Im noones backup and neither is my child. What do you guys think? Please help.

[lhn]

I don't think he's keeping u as backup, I think he's just being nosey and has nothing better to do in his shallow life.
Either way, he sounds like a complete fckin failure of a father and thats something I can't stand.

If you're old and clever enough to have sex, then be prepared to accept any consequences that come your way.

Hope you're getting money from him.

Arggghh makes me so angry!!

[LouisianaLady29]

Thank Ihn for your reply, it infuriates me too but at the same time I have to take some of the heat because in the relationship he did display his irresponsibility in other areas of his life that should have led me to realize that maybe I shouldn't put myself in a position where I can become pregnant by this man and he shrugs off responsibility so easily, but yet, he always claimed to want children and had no others before mine so I didn't see him doing that but shouldve listened to my first mind because bailing, like everything else, he did. But I have my baby and I take care of her to the fullest and we have our court date for the child support amount at the end of this month, he got served two wks ago and was not happy so that is that.

I just have been hearing from various people of him being nosy but perhaps you are right Ihn maybe he just wants to be nosy or asked hoping i was working some lame job or something thinking I wont do good without him around. It still just urks me that he even puts my name in his mouth more less questions what I am doing.

[lhn]

Well I can completely understand why you're here asking for advice.
Firstly, don't ever take blame for his irresponsibilities, even in the slightest on something as important as your little girl. I'm not a father but I did grow up without one. I can tell you right now that a real man would never want "nothing to do with" his child. Sure, you can look back now and point out every single detail which should have alerted you to his inadequecies of being a good father BUT it's all just hindsight. Something which you can't change and how simple would life be if we could all tell what was going to happen.
So, don't ever blame yourself for this man's failings. Even if you had been a complete cow during the relationship/breakup it should have no bearing on him wanting to care for your little girl.
Thats what annoys me. Gives hardworking, caring men like me a crappy rep!

Secondly, well done on sorting out the court hearing. You can't force him to care for your little girl but you sure as hell can make him pay his share.

Finally, don't even worry about why he is asking where you work etc etc. He clearly has issues and lacks the maturity to work things out with you and the child you share. Perhaps one day he will grow a pair but tbh, thats really not your problem.

[cmacattack1]

Good stuff man. And I can agree with you that not having a father figure in my life has really left me not very well rounded. It has left me with the fact that when I have a child, I will do my best to be there for him/her though.

As for your child Louisana, you are already at a distinct disadvantage being a single parent and I'm sure you know that it isn't easy. There isn't anything you can do about it though and it sounds like you are doing the best you can. Obviously you still have feelings for this guy, but I think you know the logic that being with him currently isn't the best course of action. I wish there was a way to know if he finally accepted his responsibilities and mistakes as a **** up boyfriend/father, but it doesn't sound like that realization has hit yet.

[LouisianaLady29]

Thank you cma and Ihn for your kind words and valuable opinions. I know I am prob wanting to read too much into why he is asking about my life, but I know deep down I know better if he was TRULY interested he would come find out for himself or make some type of move to try and be in his daughters life. I'm very nervous about court at the end of the month. It will be the first time that we have been in a room together or even the same building for one whole year. I know he is going to call me out of my name or something but I have to be strong and not let it affect me. I keep looking for something I did wrong to provoke all this but other than poor judgment of an individual and their capabilities to love I can think of none. Tonight another friend of mine told me she saw him in passing and he asked her where I work also, I wish he'd stop being nosy but as Ihn said its not really my problem why he does what he does but focus on what he does not and that will give me all the more reason to move on.