Why do I do this?

[prettylilmess]

It seems no matter what I do, I always get dumped because of my stupid actions. I don't mean like cheating, stealing or snooping. It is more like what happen last night. I went out with a friend of my for a few drinks, few drinks turn into a lot of drinks and I get rather drunk. In my drunken state I decided I needed to go back to my boyfriends place because I wanted to see him right now. Well, my friend winds up comming back with me and I just was going to put her on the couch but it was occupied by my boyfriend's room mates friend so instead I put her on teh huge sumo bean bag. She decided to be loud while everyone was sleeping and got sick all over the bathroom (which I cleaned up) I put her clothes in the wash since they had puke all over them and some how a shoe in the dryer. Well, I put her to bed and go to bed with my boyfriend, who is now up and fuming at me. He had tobe at work by seven and for some reason didn't go to bed until midnight, though I did not get in till 4 AM. I pass out and he goes to work a few hours later. The roommates are pissed and are complaining to him. I rather wish they talked to me instead of complaining to him but not much I can do about it. He is even more pissed off, saying now that I need to leave his key on the desk and that I betrayed his trust. I agree to leave the key but I told him i felt as though he was being a bit unfair. I mean I have delt with him more times with him plastered drunk doing really dumb things than he has with me and his roommates are always up being loud when he is trying to sleep, making a mess that he winds up cleaning himself. I did apologize because it was not right of me just have her over without being invited by them but she was a friend i knew for a while so it was not like she was a complete stranger and this was the first (and last) time I have ever done something like that. I think about all the times he has betrayed my trust by telling people things that were only our personal affair but I never but him through this much hell for it. I have a feeling that we are going tobreak up but I am not entirely sure if its a bad thing. I mean thinking about it makes my stomach turn but I don't want tobe drag through the mud every time i make a mistake. I just dont understand.

[cmacattack1]

It sounds like you mean well and have the best intentions. I am a person that has the best intentions as well but that's not always enough and has gotten me into some serious situations. I can sympathize.

It seems that he is angry at the moment and it's getting reinforced by his roommates being upset about the incident. He probably needs some time to cool off but eventually it needs to be sat down and talked about. You should also consider talking to the roommates and making it clear that it wasn't your intention and that you are sorry for those things. They can't be mad at that, can they?

This shouldn't spell the end of your relationship if you both want this. If the relationship were to end, it would or should be over more than just this incident. Has there been any other trouble going on otherwise and this is just another thing to add to the laundry list? If not, than I wouldn't be too worried.

[prettylilmess]

I was going to apologize to the roommates once everyone cools off so I will give a few days. I am trying to give my bf space by not contacting him until he contacts me but I just feel that he can get away with whatever and it be ok but i made one harmless mistake and its all over. That just bothers me a little.

[cmacattack1]

Right, you feel like you are on two different standards. Yet if you bring it up, you will just piss them off more by digging up old dirt ya know. It seems that part of his problem is that he is not very self aware of his actions and their consequences before. I mean you took him back and try to put it behind you right? Everybody makes mistakes but if they don't understand what their actions do, they are probably going to continue to do them over and over again. You don't want that to happen but at the same time you can't hope he is going to magically transform and change on his own either.

I was a selfish guy, drank way too much and gave my ex the bare minimum, sometimes not even that. I lost her and now would do anything back and it has really changed me and given me a new perspective on life. Unfortunately I had to learn the hard way. I don't want this to happen to anybody. Communication is important and you really need to talk this one out, and I just get afraid when I hear people say that they will give them a few days no contact. If it's important to you, you want to come to the best possible solution as quickly as possible right instead of ignoring it, right?

[prettylilmess]

He said he needed space so that means to me "dont contact me until i contact you first"

[cmacattack1]

Right, by all means give him some space and time. I just hope he wants to think about it apart and come up with some solutions instead of trying to distract himself with other things and ignore it. I would always ignore stuff and it just built up resentment and allowed me to make the same mistakes over and over. I guess you'll see how he decides it.

[prettylilmess]

He still is not talking to me and now is making post that he is a victim on facebook. Saying how sad he is and that he is on round two of cleaning the bathroom though I made sure every thing was cleaned up and scrubbed. I don't think he is hurt at all, he just wants to be a child and trying to guilt me into whatever it is he wants. This hurts so badly...

[cmacattack1]

You are right, it is really childish and not a good sign if he doesn't want to talk to you or forgive you for it. It's a form of emotional abuse to withhold from your partner how you feel and punish them with silence, I can see why you would be so hurt.

You can't make him do anything he doesn't want to. When he does talk to you, I think you have a lot to say to him. Kind of educate himself on what he is doing to you and your relationship in a calm, peaceful manner. Hopefully he listens.

[VincenzoG91]

If my girlfriend showed up drunk at 4 AM on a weeknight with a puking friend, I would be pissed, too. You mentioned that this is something that he would normally do, and that you haven't done anything like this before. Well, both of you need to grow up and take responsibility for your actions. Apologies are nice, but not nearly as good as avoiding stupidity in the first place. Two wrongs don't make a right, and a whole bunch of wrongs are just misery for everybody involved.

[vashti]

I agree with Vincenzo, and want to add that i doubt I would trust a drunk girl to know whether or not she cleaned a bathroom adequately after her friend was puking all over it.

Just disgusting....

you should consider giving up the booze. You don't sound like you know how to handle it well at all.

[prettylilmess]

First of all, I did take responsibility for it. I cleaned up all the mess, apologized to all the roommates who are over it and they don't know why my bf is over reacting. I took her back with me because she was so messed up that she would have asphyxiated on her own vomit. I did not get sick at all. This was the first time i have ever done this to anybody...not just my bf. I have known this girl for a while so I knew she wouldn't steal or anything. What if you guys were so messed up for whatever reason and people just decided to leave you there because they just didn't want to deal with you. I guess that wouldn't happen because you are so perfect right, you never make mistakes? It doesn't even have to be booze, it could be anything. I think you guys are rather cruel and self righteous. I am not saying what I did was right by any means but I can't just leave people in such a vulnerable state.

[prettylilmess]

Oh, I cleaned it when I was sober again, so I cleaned the bathroom twice.

[vashti]

If you wanted to play Florence Nightengale, why didn't you take her drunkenness to your OWN place?