How do you revive something that has died inside you?

[bittersweetlady]

I'm in a relationship of now five years. It's been rocky for quite some time but always in a manner that was seemingly "managable". Over the past year and a half there's been physical abuse (during my pregnancy as well), lack of respect, neglect and infedelity. The last huge fight we had I got beat down, literally, and found out about a few sexual indescretions. We are traditionally married but hadn't made it to the traditional white wedding and had it down on paper. He says he's sorry, doesnt know what he was thinking, is gonna change etc. Everything I've heard way too many times before. Right now his actions seem to be pushing me further and further away. I love him, this I know. But I don't really think I still want to be with him. Our families are pushing me to hold on for the babies sake. Quite frankly I dont feel thats reason enough. If I'm to give this a go. How do i get into it? how do I not just give up and let go? Either way i need to do something. Counselling is tricky at the moment given the fact that finances are terrible right now. So what do i do? what do WE do???

[james711]

Sorry to hear about what you have to go through. I guess everyone has a limit to his/her patience. If you felt that you are not longer happy and had enough, you should start planning for the future and leave this relationship. In my opinion if a relationship is not healthy to you, you should always seek help in family counseling or talk to your family members for advices. Check your local listing, some counseling might be free.
Take good care.

[Gigabitch]

If you have a family that is pushing you to stay with someone who physically abused you while you were pregnant, they're not really on your side. Either they don't know the whole story or they're okay with that kind of thing. I understand where you're coming from- my family is like that too, especially my mother.

You're not going to get any support from me about how to stick with this toxic circumstance. I think you should get out. Staying with someone who hits you is tacit acceptance of it.

[vashti]

I agree with Giga. Your family sucks. By staying with a man who physically abuses you, you will teach your daughters to accept it, and teach your sons to deliver abuse. get out of there.

[cmacattack1]

Rocky is an understatement. You need to remove yourself from this situation as soon as possible and for as long as you can. No matter what you said or what you did, you did not deserve to be cheated on, beaten, and completely taken for granted. Raising a family on your own and in poor finances will be happier long term than being with a man who does this and reduces your self esteem and self worth to nothing. And think of the impact it will have on your family. If you don't have two happy, well working parents it will have psychological effects on them that you cannot even fathom.

It won't be easy but you first step is moving out and away from him. Now. He will never change if he always has you in the aftermath. You have given him so many chances and he hasn't learned from any of them. Why would he now?

[SirWagginston]

I understand that you and your family want to put the baby first, but think about it logically, for a moment. Your partner hits you while pregnant. That's not good for the baby. Depending on how severely he beats you and how often, he could cause long-term damage to your future son or daughter. Even if your child is born with absolutely no complications, do you really think that abuse will just stop? If he abuses you in front of the child, it will cause him or her to develop psychological problems. Or worse, he might abuse the child.

You have absolutely no reason to stay. You need to get out of there, not only for you, but for the baby, as well.