Nice idea, or bad idea?

[AlwaysHers]

So my girlfriend broke up with me a month and a half ago. She said she still cared for me but didn't love me and couldn't go on with the relationship. 3 weeks later she was in a relationship again. I don't know if she realises how much all of that hurt me. And I'm pretty sure nothing will happen between us again. I've had to walk away from the friendship that was left after the break up because I wasn't coping with seeing her happy with another man.
Ok, so in a month she is turning 21 in a month, and I was thinking of posting her a gift (something small she said she wanted a few months ago). Bad idea? I want her to know I still care. But I'm still not ready to just be friends with her. I want to give it to her but I get a feeling it might not be a good idea as maybe I should just leave her in the past completely.. Any comments?

[Fylef]

Tricky. You're a brave man to still be talking to her though, that kind of thing would kill a lot of people.

Personally I'd just send her a birthday text message. I mean most of my friends don't buy me presents, but they do send a text message so by just sending a text message it's not too much and you're not ignoring her. A present might be a bit much, think of her new boyfriend when she opens a present from her ex and she might feel a bit embarassed about it too. But equally you were a couple until very recently and you want to be friends later so it is a tough one. I think I'd give her a present if she was single but because she is with someone else just something more casual like a text message. It's your call though and you know the situation best so just have a think about it.

[Petit Papillon]

No, don't send her anything... Save your pride boy. She won't come back to you anyway, it will be just a pity party. I would say, move on, you will feel better, definately better.

[sookie6]

Not a good idea...

To her: you'll only come accross as desperate or 'too available'
To you: will make it harder to move on, especially if she does not respond to your birthday card

Be your number one for now and avoid any source of grief. You are still vulnerable.

x

[cmacattack1]

Yeah, bad idea. It's not even about pride, it's about how it won't change her mind on her decision to be with somebody else. It won't make you look in a better light either. And it's probably too soon for any kind of contact anyway. You should be more focused on doing things for you then her anyway. She says she doesn't love you and can't go on and you want to get her a gift. It just doesn't add up logically...

[AlwaysHers]

Yes, the love I feel isn't logical, but it's a real feeling.

I wasn't going to send a card, or even put a "from" on the parcel. Just simply send this little something she asked for with no trace it was me but the fact she knows who she told that too. She would figure it out and I dunno how she would feel. I don't want to win her back with gifts. In fact I wouldn't even take her back now, she would have to prove to me she is worth it if she wanted that.
In a way I think I want her to feel bad. By reminding her what she threw away (I always remembered the little things and she was always so surprised and amazed with that). Which is horrible. I can't figure out why I want this "revenge" ...

[Petit Papillon]

Eee, for me it's not a revenge... How you want to make her feel bad giving her something she wanted?? Really, move on. I assure you, she won't feel bad, what she can feel is pity for you. I tell you, keep your pride.

[lahnnabell]

You are contradicting yourself. If you send a birthday gift, card, or message, it should be with the full, honest intent to make her happy. You just stated you wanted her to feel bad for throwing you away. That's what you really want. You want your message to somehow convey the good guy she gave up, and perhaps, just perhaps, she'll call you up and you'll talk for hours about how to work things out.

If she's with another guy already, you are disrespecting him and their relationship by trying to play this little game. Take this time to figure out what may have caused the love in this relationship to dissipate. You guys are still really young and it's not uncommon for one person to feel more invested in a relationship than the other. It sucks, but it happens.

[Doc Durian]

Don't send anything, unless it's a three day old carp with a greeting card.

She'll either get over it, or laugh and talk.

You're Aussie, aren't you? Aussie girls don't mature until well into their 30's. Go overseas and find a sweetheart if you can't wait for that.