I've given up

[heartbrkenagain]

I've given up on ever finding love. I want love but love doesn't want me, people always say I'm a great catch. Male friends in relationships, joke, If I wasn't married... I've been told I'm pretty, have a great personality, and I will admit I do have to lose a few pounds ( but I'm no where near obese) so I'm actively working out and going to the gym. I considered becoming a lesbian, but I don't like women in that way ( believe me I've tried). I don't believe in ridiculous standards ( has to be so tall, make this much money etc). I truely suffer from bridesmaid syndrome, so many of my friends have gotten married, even those who thought it would never happen for them. In fact I would encourage them that their time will come. What about my time. I did met a wonderful man recently, but I know he's not interested in me. I'm so tired of putting my heart out there just to be broken again. I pray to become asexual, to just not care, but the more I pray the more I want love. I often think a cruel joke is being played on me. I just wish I didn't care so much, it just hurts so bad, I often wish I had no emotions at all. I cry myself to sleep often, it really hurts, I want to not care anymore ...

[VincenzoG91]

Do you have time to pick up a new hobby? There are certain hobbies that attract a lot of dudes, and many of those guys would be thrilled to find a woman who shared that interest.

[erik]

pardon my curiousity, but what is your age?

[QueenofCorona]

I agree with Vince. Join a gym, take yoga classes, join a co-ed volleyball/softball/dodgeball league. Start going to a church with younger members. If you live in a smaller city its hard. Maybe move to a bigger city, relocate for a change of pace. I was in your shoes. You can survive this. There are people on the other side of the fence wishing they were in your shoes, freedom with no baggage.

[liyulianyanyu]

You should open your heart and accept others' kindness.And you can try to talk about your idea.

[all alone]

Like was said in another thread, dont go out looking for the guy your going to marry and live hapily ever after with. Look for someone you simply enjoying being around, or go out for a cup of coffee. Its a lot of pressure to put on yourself and often time leads to negative effects. Its these type of things that will eventually lead to you finding someone.. its easy to see yourself as the common denominator, but it does take two to tango.

[LailaK]

Don't give up! I'm in the same boat you are. I can't seem to find the right one and when I do he's not interested. I don't cry myself to sleep at night, I just tell myself that the one for me is right around the corner and I just have to live life, enjoy life, and better myself in preparation for something wonderful.

Love will happen. Be happy about that fact.

[sienn]

well it's good to be optimistic, i guess... i've got a cousin who is pretty, comes from a good family and well-established in her career. she is in her 40's now, single and has recently adopted a kid. she wants to get married as her siblings are all married. but some how ... ??

and what makes you think becoming a lesbian will make it easier ?

do you have any idea why "you want love but love doesn't want you" ?

[irrelevant_89]

Also, if you do a little searching around the forums you'll find a lot of threads with similar messages to this one. You're far from being alone in your situation, so don't think it's a joke played on you, like everything in this planet is a conspiracy against your happiness. It's just a matter of being at the right place at the right time, because single guys that would take you on a date? There's probably thousands of them, regardless of who you are.

[sookie6]

I am on the same boat as you OP.

I keep repeating to myself that really it only takes one person...

[Doc Durian]

I've got a female mate at work in a weird predicament and I'm bound by the friendship proviso to tread carefully.

She's 39 with two university attending sons who live on their own. She left their father a decade ago, despite being a devout Roman Catholic of Vietnamese extraction.

She wants true love and has always made that clear about herself over the last year we've become friends.

I've got immense respect for her drive, her work ethic, and her thoughts about life. This is a person who embarked on a leaky boat at the age of 15 on a rumour that her sister had made it to Australia, but was detained for 2 years in Malaysia after nearly dying on the trip (She went from 47 kilos to 32 kilos in the matter of weeks and drank the blood of the dead to stay alive).

This is a woman most guys would fall head over heels for with a great sense of humour, and she's not a bad looking little package either.

What's the problem then, you ask?

She feels the pressure of her age, her life turning out differently than expected, and a sense that she's beyond finding what she so desperately wants and needs.

In comes the friend of the family known to them for 11 months. A fellow 5 years her junior, a student on a limited school/work visa soon set to expire, with a proposition.

To marry her and scratch each others backs.

What started out as a business agreement, he quickly turned into romance. Suddenly, he's with her every waking moment and having some of her friends removed from her life because they're "no good" or "untrustworthy". He professes his undying love to her, and his admiration while kicking out nearly any male friends of her life who have had a key to her house (he changed the locks, immediately, and chided her for her naivety.) He has also suggested that they do a prenuptial agreement to protect her assets and to protect the huge assets he intends to earn once resident in this nation because he would feel vulnerable until he knows it's a devoted relationship.

He washes the dishes, gives her foot massages, does all the little things she so desperately craves.

She knows it's a business arrangement but has recently gotten hung up about their staged wedding party photos. You can see the relief and happiness in her face when she talks about them.

So she asks me what to make of it. As an individual, I see the foul play and manipulation. As an acquaintance and friend, I see that she's given up and into his charms.

I give her the Robert DeNiro "Meet the Fockers" finger/eye/surveillance gesture while telling her, "maybe he loves you deeply... maybe he doesn't. Only you can work that out by watching him, his words, and his actions." and leave it that.

I think she knows what is going on but is so happy about the facade and possible attainment of a real relationship, she's willing to swallow her suspicions and nagging gut feelings.

Be happy that you're not being emotionally fleeced, Heartbrknagain.

Live your life, be strong, and find out what makes you tick and happy.

The rest will legitimately happen.

[JD!]

I used to be like you, heartbrkenagain. I'd given up, resolved myself that I'd never find anyone. However, upon starting back at Uni this year I met a girl who is amazing in all kinds of ways. We quickly became friends but I assumed she'd have no romantic interest in me so I was just myself with her. Now, I'm a huge geek so I was always going on about things like Doctor Who, comics, movies, and so on. No that that was all I'd talk about, but I in NO way hid how passionate I was about those things. I thought she'd see me as most girls do - a cute, geeky guys who is a great friend but nothing more. Well, lo and behold while at her place watching Doctor Who she leaned into me and we help hands for the episode. After the episode we kissed and now we are dating and I couldn't be happier.

Now, my point is be who you are. Not all guys only want sex and boobs, some of us actually care about what kind of person you are and THAT is what we find attractive. I know it can feel like you'll never find anyone, as I said I've been there, but it will happen, and you'll never expect it when it does.

Best of luck to you.

[heartbrkenagain]

Thanks, I love going to the gym (relieves stress). Joined a hiking group, and a community building group, so far.

[heartbrkenagain]

LOL, I live a big city alright, the most populated city in the USA. As far as freedom with no baggage, I'm not afraid of baggage we all have it, just depends on how much we are willing to help carry. Thanks for the advice.

[heartbrkenagain]

Like was said in another thread, dont go out looking for the guy your going to marry and live hapily ever after with. Look for someone you simply enjoying being around, or go out for a cup of coffee. Its a lot of pressure to put on yourself and often time leads to negative effects. Its these type of things that will eventually lead to you finding someone.. its easy to see yourself as the common denominator, but it does take two to tango.

Thank you, I can relate to your username, thanks for talking the time to reply.