Am I too clingy?

[choover323]

This is my first thread, I'm 21, but I'm really confused because I was best friends with this girl for 2 years. I liked her the whole time but never made a move. Sure enough I finally made a move and we have been dating for over 6 months. We don't sleep together because we both are virgins and are going to wait for marriage. She has been in 2 relationships both lasting over a year. This is my first. We say we love each other because we do. But she has been studying in London for the past 3 months, and returns in April.

But basically I feel I'm way to clingy because I think about her ALL the time and sometimes I call her to just say I love you, I don't call her a lot like not even once a day because we sometimes we don't talk for a whole day or more. I get worried that she will break up for no real reason, I just don't want things to end and I know I would never break up with her because I'd love to marry her some day like years from now, because I think shes perfect. Keep in mind we have only dated 6 months and I'm already thinking about getting married to her. Am I too clingy? If so I need to change and how do I do that?

[QueenofCorona]

As long as she seems happy to hear from you when you call, I don't see an issue with it. Its hard to read a person though when they are in another country so I could try to be aware of hints, if she says she has a lot going on in a week with homework be aware of that and probably not call her as much. Maybe shoot her an email before bedtime saying you are thinking of her and hope she's doing ok. I don't think you are being too clingy. Like I said, when she comes back you'll want to spent time with her but keep in mind that relationships need for both parties to have their own lives.

[yaganon]

I'm like you, a one girl man. I don't know anyone else like me, really. Most of my friends all look for hook ups and want to get laid. One, in particular, has a girlfriend (long term relationship, I think) and makes it no secret that he frequently cheats on her behind her back. I've always thought I'm a creepy clingy guy too. Now, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I mean if anything, the ones who are wrong are the ones who think with their dicks all the time.

Not that I have a lot of experience with relationships at all, I think you should just call her and talk to her about it. Know where you guys are.

[choover323]

As long as she seems happy to hear from you when you call, I don't see an issue with it.

It is hard to read her, and she can become very moody. But sometimes I feel as if she doesn't like when I randomly call her or e-mail her saying "Hey babe, I love you and hope your having a great day " Maybe she likes it but sometimes she says "I wish you would spend as much time as you think about me and and put that time to studying." Thanks other times she says "awe thanks babe, your sweet."

[1337lizard]

That's weird, most girls would be overjoyed to have a guy who would call just to say hey, I love you and I'm thinking about you. Sounds to me like you're crazy about her and that's great. You guys aren't talking fourteen hours a day on the phone so I don't see a problem here from your end. The only problem I currently see is that she's a little callous towards you when you're being sweet towards her.

Let me put it in perspective here. Imagine we're looking in at you and your girlfriend from a glossy window and a curtain is blocking most of the view. We can't see very much of what's going on, but I'm noticing that something is off. I don't think you're clingy, I think you're head over heels for a girl you really like. But I'm not getting that same sense from her if she's acting so coldly towards you when you're showing her how much you care.

[choover323]

That's weird, most girls would be overjoyed to have a guy who would call just to say hey, I love you and I'm thinking about you. Sounds to me like you're crazy about her and that's great. You guys aren't talking fourteen hours a day on the phone so I don't see a problem here from your end. The only problem I currently see is that she's a little callous towards you when you're being sweet towards her.

Let me put it in perspective here. Imagine we're looking in at you and your girlfriend from a glossy window and a curtain is blocking most of the view. We can't see very much of what's going on, but I'm noticing that something is off. I don't think you're clingy, I think you're head over heels for a girl you really like. But I'm not getting that same sense from her if she's acting so coldly towards you when you're showing her how much you care.

Thats the same way I feel, that she doesn't love me as much I love her. Although she calls me once a day and she calls me and I answer, and I only call her like once a week because it cost me too much money. But any who I don't think she loves me as much as I love her. Although she has told me she loved me more than she's ever meet, which meant a lot to me, but she said that at the beginning of her in London. She hasn't said anything sweet in a while and I think the love is starting to shrink. She is having parent problems but idk maybe I'm just being selfish?

[1337lizard]

You should make more of an effort to contact her yourself. I understand it's expensive, but maybe you could try an alternative like skype? Free live video chat is also a little more personal than just a phone call.

And this is just a theory, but it's possible that she is pulling away if she thinks you aren't as interested in her as she is in you. And that could be because she's doing the majority of initiating the calls. But I find it funny that when you put forth the effort she slams you for it...hmmm...tricky situation. But since I'm just sitting here through a computer and can't diagnose this properly, let's try a simple treatment - more communication. Ask her to do a skype date and see how things go. Or even set up a time for a phone date. Then you initiate the call so she sees you're putting forth the effort for it.

Based on what you've been telling me I'm not sure that's it, but just to make sure things aren't being lost in communication you should give this a shot. If nothing else you'll get to see your beloved on screen for awhile.

[choover323]

You should make more of an effort to contact her yourself. I understand it's expensive, but maybe you could try an alternative like skype? Free live video chat is also a little more personal than just a phone call.

And this is just a theory, but it's possible that she is pulling away if she thinks you aren't as interested in her as she is in you. And that could be because she's doing the majority of initiating the calls. But I find it funny that when you put forth the effort she slams you for it...hmmm...tricky situation. But since I'm just sitting here through a computer and can't diagnose this properly, let's try a simple treatment - more communication. Ask her to do a skype date and see how things go. Or even set up a time for a phone date. Then you initiate the call so she sees you're putting forth the effort for it.

Based on what you've been telling me I'm not sure that's it, but just to make sure things aren't being lost in communication you should give this a shot. If nothing else you'll get to see your beloved on screen for awhile.

We used to skype all the time. Like almost everyday, and I suggested a diner skype date and we did it but she got fussy because she was hungry and was in a bad mood the whole time. Last time we skyped was like 2 weeks ago. I asked her today if she was busy this week and she said " Ya, I have a lot of homework to catch up on." Because she just went on a class trip.

[lahnnabell]

I am in a similar boat. My boyfriend is completing an immersion program in Guadalajara. He left at the start of January and will be back May 1st.

There is added stress when you are in unfamiliar territory. Couple that with other responsibilities like budgeting (essential for any traveler) and school work and/or classes and some weeks can be downright frustrating. She has to be her own No. 1 priority right now.

There are some days when my boyfriend just seems out of it. I Skyped with him recently and he wasn't smiling much, but insisted he was doing fine. His reluctance to talk made me anxious, but he told me I didn't have to worry about anything. We talked a little bit about how he was feeling lethargic, and I know that he tends to internalize any anxiety he's feeling. I'm giving him space to chill. The last thing he needs to worry about is me worrying over the relationship. I understand that I'm helping him by spending time taking care of myself.