Just what is this Guy About?

[xxazurexx]

2 years worth of history, but I will try to keep it as short as possible.

There is a guy in my life who I met online, 2 years ago. I met him on a chat site and the contact went to daily phone calls and more than once a day phone calls. He constantly pursued and initiated all of the contact.

He is around 2 hours away from me and for several months we'd continued to chat, I did develop feelings for him during that time, but I was aware that if I was to meet him in real life, my feelings could be very different. He on the other hand, claimed to love me and that he knew that I was the 'One'. I'd tell him that it was impossible for him to know just exactly what his feelings for me were and until we met.....

Anyway we did eventually meet and of course he was everything I was expecting. Im unsure what I was to him though ....lol.
But anyway, it went really well, we got along brilliantly and we spent four hours together.

After this, he continued to contact me and as regularly as before. He'd say that he couldnt wait to see me again, how the distance between us got him down, mentioned my moving down there to be near him, etc....
He talked the talk basically, but he wasn't walking the walk. He wasn't making much of an effort to come back and see me and when I mentioned this to him, he'd say that financially he was in a bad place. OK, fair enough and I told him I understood. I was in a fairly happy place anyway and because his contact was as consistent and as regular as ever, despite the fact I wasnt seeing him as often as I liked.....

Four months after our first meeting, he did come back to see me again. Things went well and we spent a day together.
A few days after this meeting, we'd had an argument and didnt speak for 2 months. But then he'd called me and we began to speak again.

THIS WAS A YEAR AGO!!......and I havnt seen him since. However and during this past year, his contact and calls have been and are still as consistent and regular, as they were when we first met 2 years ago. There is not a day goes by when this guy does not text or phone me and this is what I'm not understanding about him. Why continue to text and call me, when it became fairly obvious to me and a long time ago, that he doesnt want a relationship with me, to be committed to me?

My confusion over what I am and what I mean to him, has led to me trying on many, many occasions, to cut him out of my life and because I find it hard to be 'friends' with him. But a few days later, my phone will ring and ring and ring and so I always end up picking up and talking to him again....and it's back to square one.

I have brought up the subject of just what exactly I am to him and was met with many excuses..... that he isnt financially secure enough for a relationship, that he doesn't want a full time relationship and that sometimes people from different 'cultures' with different lifestyles, relgions, are best off just being friends. We are in fact, worlds apart in all those things...HOWEVER, doesn't love conquer all??...or supposed to anyway.
I have never pressured him to be in a relationship with me and in fact on this occasion, told him that I wasn't looking for a full term committment myself. That it would be just nice to see him, every once in a while.

After this, I'd told him that I couldn't be friends anymore and to quit calling me. He was angry, but said that if that was what I wanted, he couldn't persuade me otherwise. Two days later he was ringing me again, but for 3 months I managed not to take his calls.

Then a month ago, he calls again on a witheld number and I pick up....so of course, we are back at square one again.
I think I end up caving and because he is really a nice guy, we get along so well...he's really sweet.

I don't buy that I may be an ego boost for him and because Im not the one initiating or chasing him. 99% of all contact, is initiated by him - if anyone would be getting the ego boost, it would be me.

I'm also not the 'booty call' and because physically, I havn't seen him for a year....lol

I'm just not understanding why he seems so desperate to keep me in his life and he's gone and goes to extreme lengths to keep me in his life. Any clues anyone?? Thanks in advance and sorry it's long.....

[cmacattack1]

This guys seems pretty ridiculous. The fact is that he knows you will eventually pick up and you do and, like you said, it's back to the beginning again. You feel bad because he is a nice guy but if you don't want anything to do with him, why do you continue to give in to him pursuing you? You have told him many times that you want nothing to do with him and he is clearly not listening to you, which you make worse by taking his calls. What do you talk about when you do answer?

You are being too nice. If you really want him gone, just change your number. I know it seems outrageous, but its been going on for over a year. You gotta put a stop to this eventually.

Good rule of thumb: never answer a restricted phone call. If it's important they would leave a message.

[xxazurexx]

This guys seems pretty ridiculous. The fact is that he knows you will eventually pick up and you do and, like you said, it's back to the beginning again. You feel bad because he is a nice guy but if you don't want anything to do with him, why do you continue to give in to him pursuing you? You have told him many times that you want nothing to do with him and he is clearly not listening to you, which you make worse by taking his calls. What do you talk about when you do answer?

You are being too nice. If you really want him gone, just change your number. I know it seems outrageous, but its been going on for over a year. You gotta put a stop to this eventually.

Good rule of thumb: never answer a restricted phone call. If it's important they would leave a message.

Thanks for the reply. Guess you are right, I'm way too soft and nice. He knows that despite what I say, I will come around eventually and cave because it's happened way so many times before.

Still doesn't solve the riddle of why he continues to hang around though and why he has a strong need to keep me in his life.

It's not a case of I don't want anything to do with him. I've tended to cut contact and tell him to not call again in my confusion. And as a means to try and knock him off his fence and into taking some action to come and see me.......but it doesn't work. However, he just doesn't go away and keeps on coming back time after time after time, lol...like a faifthful little puppy dog.

[Incognito]

It is possible that he has depression and you are the only person who he regularly talks to. When I was depressed (before I realized it and took medication) I would call people who I knew would talk to me. I didn't connect with people that well, so I regularly called a few people who I already knew who would always talk to me. You said that you met him online, which tells me that he is somewhat antisocial. The fact that he has not tried to have an actual relationship is because he doesn't want one (for whatever reason). He simply likes to talk to you. If you want a real relationship you need to follow cmacattack1's advice and change your number. That way there is no temptation to answer the phone and keep this charade going.

[xxazurexx]

I don't think he is depressed though.....least he doesnt sound depressed. He's a very cheerful, happy go lucky kind of guy, who doesn't appear to have a care in the world. He always sounds happy and infact, he lifts my mood and when I hear him chatter away.
He is 34, been married before, has two kids, loads of family and he has plenty of real life friends. In fact on many occasions he called, he was in the company of friends and he was interacting with many people in his last job. He has no problem communicating and he defo isn't anti social!!l.....I'd say I was far more anti social than him....lol


I do know that he's kinda down and because he is out of work at the minute, but he's only been out of work a few months......he's been constantly calling me for 2 years!

[Gigabitch]

He's freaking mental, and the only reason you're 'back to square one" is that you didn't hang up on him.

Next time, hang up on him.

[Incognito]

I agree. No matter what the reason, you have the power to end this. If you want to keep this up, fine, that's your choice. If you don't want to continue the quasi-friendship/relationship, change your number or don't answer calls from ANY number that you don't recognize. Changing your number is the better option though.

[xxazurexx]

He's freaking mental, and the only reason you're 'back to square one" is that you didn't hang up on him.

Next time, hang up on him.

But I've done all that, time and time again and he keeps coming back.

Fair enough however it is my fault and I should stick to my guns and when its him, keep on hanging up. But I don't think I could be as cruel to just cut him off forever.

I can't change my number, because the only number I have is a business one and that is the one he calls on, which is why I can't also afford to ignore my phone to witheld callers. It could be a potential client.

I don't obsess over all this btw and as I used too. I think now Im at the stage where I've fully accepted its gonna amount to nothing more than it is. Which Im not sure what it is and because there was never any agreement to be 'just friends', I justl wonder why he seems so adamant to keep hanging on in there, gets jealous and isn't happy if I don't answer his texts immediatley, jealous if Im going out at night.....when he seemly doesn't want a 'real life' relationship. Maybe he just genuinely likes me as a person. Maybe Im the only person he feels he can trust or has ever been able to trust. He has said before that he's never been as open with anyone nor able to confide in anyone, the way he can in me. That I'm different to other females he's known, in that Im kinder, more understanding and I treat hiim properly.

God knows, never known a guy like him before.

[Incognito]

I can't change my number, because the only number I have is a business one and that is the one he calls on, which is why I can't also afford to ignore my phone to witheld callers. It could be a potential client.

That's what the answering machine was invented for. I'm sure you don't get bent out of shape when you aren't there and clients have to leave a message. If ANY number comes up as unavailable/private let the person leave a message. It is starting to seem more and more like you like the attention that you get from this guy even though you know this will go nowhere. If you are actually fed up with him you will screen calls, hang the phone up multiple times and ignore/block his text messages until he gets stops bothering you.......that is if his actions truly bother you.

[xxazurexx]

No offence, but I didn't come here asking the question 'How can I get rid of him?' or 'I want to get rid of him'.....I know perfectly well how to get rid of him, if that is what I wanted to do.

I came here seeking opinions or thoughts, as to why he may feel a need to still want me in his life after all this time. Unfortunatley, no answers were provided......maybe because people are as clueless to his behaviour as I am.

Thanks for the input anyway.

[Gigabitch]

The thing is, "why?" is a pointless question. There's no way any of us could possibly know what motivates this guy any more than you can. Pondering away at it will only lead to expending even more energy in his direction, which is what you shouldn't do.

[Incognito]

If your cat pisses on your dress you don't sit around and wonder why, nor do you ask other people why. You want to keep it from happening again, and take steps to prevent it from happening again. Same applies here. Unless, like I said before, his actions don't bother you. If that's the case it doesn't matter either way and you should continue with things just as they are.

[xxazurexx]

If your cat pisses on your dress you don't sit around and wonder why, nor do you ask other people why. You want to keep it from happening again, and take steps to prevent it from happening again. Same applies here. Unless, like I said before, his actions don't bother you. If that's the case it doesn't matter either way and you should continue with things just as they are.

LOL.....there is a difference between a cat pissing on my dress and having him call me. Cass piss is wet and stinks......would make you feel uncomfortable. He is an ok guy and doesn't make me feel uncomfortable.
I just wonder why he want me around in his life and goes out of his way to keep me around, but I guess he must just genuinely like me a person. I've become accustomed to having him around and to the fact it's going no further and Im accepting of it now.
It's not like I've put my life on hold for him and Im still doing what I wanna do...and I wouldn't turn down opportunites with other guys, if someone else comes along - so no harm in keeping him around I guess.