What does she really want?

**k2134** · 24-03-10, 04:45 AM

Ok. Here's the scoop. My girlfriend and I broke up in September of last year. We had a rocky relationship from the start, we both lied and cheated, we were young (still are don't get me wrong), and never had each others trust from the start. But, the main thing was that we were really there for each other when we needed one another, and over time really grew STRONG feelings for each other. We moved in together and everything was great for a while, we were constantly together, and even when we were sitting at home doing nothing we had smiles on our faces because we were together. The one thing was, we completely lost contact with our other friends. It we were kind of a ticking time bomb. I started drinking a lot at home and kind of developed a problem Pretty soon I was drinking every night, we were fighting constantly and when I drank and we argued she could awaken emotions in me that I had never known I was capable of feeling. I got mean. Really mean. Not physical, just mentally. ( I know, I feel like crap) This makes the trust issue even worse. Now, even if shes done something wrong, shes afraid to admit anything to me because of how mad I'll get. Ok. Then we break up. We spend the first couple MONTHS, yes months, talking back and forth, arguing, seeing each other every once in a while but it always went bad. Eventually we stopped talking as much, only here and there. Then one week she started "texting" me one day and just telling me she missed me and she wanted to see me, and by this time I'll admit I missed her very much too. She wanted to know if we could have a night together, so I cancelled all my plans for that night and she came over and we stayed in and watched movies and talked about old times all night. It was the greatest night I had ever had with a girl without getting laid lol (sorry im a guy). We fell asleep like we used to, holding each other..We woke up in the morning..rolled around and kissed for a while and then it happened. We did it, it was great, she had class soon and had to leave and promised to call me later. Then later on somehow old crap came back up and we got in an argument all over again. We stopped talking (I thought just to cool off) But then I didnt hear from her for the next week. I started to think about her and miss her badly and like clock work she said those magic words.."Hey"..We started talking again and decided we'd hangout the next day. That very day after I had talked to her I heard through the grapevine that she was seeing someone else.. I let it go and was going to see if she would tell me on her own, but to my dismay, she tried to hide it from me.. Someone please help. I love this girl very much and I want to rebuild our bridge of trust and start over. Is she trying to get back with me and just too afraid to tell me about the other guy because shes afraid of what my reaction will be? Or is she just using me? If she didnt want to get back together why would she lie? HOW can I get her to tell the truth about the other guy and get her to understand that I'm not going to be mad and that I've stopped drinking and Im never going to get like that again. Im so confused and hurt I dont know what to do.

**k2134** · 24-03-10, 05:08 AM

Also I apologize for the long post..I just tried to get as much detail as I could I really need help with this matter.

**girl68** · 24-03-10, 05:10 AM

Just becasue you stopped drinking doesn't mean your drinking habits have dissappeared. You need to get your self some anger management and perhaps into some AA.

I do not believe (and neither does she) for not one second that you will not become the beast you previously were when you got upset. That said... seek help.

**k2134** · 24-03-10, 05:22 AM

Well, I don't mean to be rude, but I went to rehab, started aa, and have been sober for quite sometime, and she knows this herself.So with that said I hope this wouldnt be the situation..And if she didnt know that I had changed, why does she keep coming back?

**the_robot** · 24-03-10, 05:32 AM

Originally Posted by k2134

And if she didnt know that I had changed, why does she keep coming back?

Don't mean to say you do anything like it, but there's literally hundreds of women who are beaten by their husbands and keep coming back because of self esteem problems and such...

**girl68** · 24-03-10, 05:33 AM

I think you need to forget her. I think she's toxic to your recovery. She's also a little lying, cheating, fill-in-the-blank. You can love once again it just shouldn't be her.

**xxazurexx** · 24-03-10, 06:08 AM

I think the relationship got off to an unhealthy start from the very beginning. In that you appear to have lived in each others pockets 24/7 and both forgot your lives, hobbies, interests and friends, outside of it.

Why does she keep coming back? Because she still has feelings for you, is emotionally connected to you and she will be hoping that things will/would change....and they havn't...

Enter another man who is being very attentive toward her, wooing her with sweet words and heaping his affection upon her. Something you are not doing

Women like nothing better, than to be cherished by a man.....not faced with arguments and violence and whenever he feels like having a drink.
What kind of relationship is that? Not a one I'd want to be in.

**k2134** · 24-03-10, 06:44 AM

Originally Posted by xxazurexx

I think the relationship got off to an unhealthy start from the very beginning. In that you appear to have lived in each others pockets 24/7 and both forgot your lives, hobbies, interests and friends, outside of it.

Why does she keep coming back? Because she still has feelings for you, is emotionally connected to you and she will be hoping that things will/would change....and they havn't...

Enter another man who is being very attentive toward her, wooing her with sweet words and heaping his affection upon her. Something you are not doing

Women like nothing better, than to be cherished by a man.....not faced with arguments and violence and whenever he feels like having a drink.
What kind of relationship is that? Not a one I'd want to be in.

Not to be rude because I do understand where you are coming from, which is why I want to start fresh and rebuild our trust from the ground up. But, my original question was, is that what shes trying to do when shes coming back around telling me she misses me and she loves me. I do want to reconcile but I just havent had the chance to tell her yet..We just saw each other again, there was a connection, she was kind of leaning on me and being close but I dont know if thats what she wants so Im afraid to make a move..what if she freaks and says that she just wanted to be friends?

**k2134** · 24-03-10, 06:48 AM

I certainly wouldnt hope that was the case, I've never laid a hand on her, but I was verbally abusive. Don't get me wrong she did her own fair share, but I shouldve known better than to get like that either way..Any advice on the self esteem thing? I wouldnt know what to do about that..

**k2134** · 24-03-10, 06:49 AM

^
i
i
the_robot
"Don't mean to say you do anything like it, but there's literally hundreds of women who are beaten by their husbands and keep coming back because of self esteem problems and such..."

**the_robot** · 24-03-10, 07:04 AM

Originally Posted by k2134

I certainly wouldnt hope that was the case, I've never laid a hand on her, but I was verbally abusive. Don't get me wrong she did her own fair share, but I shouldve known better than to get like that either way..Any advice on the self esteem thing? I wouldnt know what to do about that..

I wish I had advice.. it seems I have my own self esteem problems and don't know how to fix them...

**k2134** · 24-03-10, 07:16 AM

Im very sorry to hear that..I wish I knew more on the matter I would offer some advice

**the_robot** · 24-03-10, 07:31 AM

Originally Posted by k2134

Im very sorry to hear that..I wish I knew more on the matter I would offer some advice

What I'm going to try to do is improve the things I don't think good enough about myself. I don't know if it'll work, but it's the best I can think of, and if you find she has self esteem problems, you could help her do the same.

I also think you should watch the violence even if it's verbal, I don't know about women, but I find psychological violence and trashing a lot more painful than physical. If you really care for this girl, you need to do this and be as good as you can to her... cherish her like xxazurexx says.

**kuaisudi** · 25-03-10, 12:14 PM

your writing is very incisive, I like it .

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