Can't find a girl at college and there's over 4,000!

[parsovski]

Hi, I am not a female but I would like to give you an honest advice.

Dude, I see you keep talking about "having that girl, talking to her, asking for her number"... You seem like a nice guy, so why are you trying to get her so hard? It's not like there is not an other girl or something. I mean, she certainly is not the only one. I know you like her, you think she is a great person etc.. that you and her together would be soo happy,"rule the world" and stuff... But, always remember - there is a better one, always. No girl is THE BEST. If you don't start a relationship with her soon, as time goes by you'll find another girl that you'd be attracted to. So why have this pressure now, like she is the only one, if you know that one day she'll be just a memory?

My point is - you should be self-confident, I suppose you have some friends. Go out with them, go to a party, to a meeting, a cafe-bar or some activity that you share with the girls in your college and try to act confidently, try to act a little cocky. Girls like guys that are cocky, self-confident and guys that know what they want.

That gives them a picture of you as a guy that will give them security, and a guy they will be safe and happy with.

So, I'm aware that some people cannot change immediately from shy to cocky, but try it step by step. And yes, that thing with throwing her your number on the table is not acting cocky.

I see acting cocky as the following: acting like you don't need any one of those beautiful girls out there, like not noticing that beauty that everyone falls for. Show them that you are happy with yourself, that you are not desperate for anyone, so I suppose some smart girl will notice that and will start giving you glances etc..

And if you decide, after all, that you would approach a girl, please try doing the following: Do not be too pushy, do not keep on talking and talking... Ask her something simple, like "where are you from", "what classes are you on", "I thought I saw you on that X class last week, was that you?" or something like that. Then LISTEN to what she has to say and give her an answer which will let her know that you were listening to what she had to say, and that you are interested in her, indeed. And all this conversation should not last longer that5-10 minutes, in my opinion. Then, in the end of the conversation, tell her that it was nice talking to her, and that you hope you'll see her some time, have a chat again etc...

That will give her an image of you being confident, but not too pushy. And that should do it.

Then, the rest depends on the situation. Maybe she'll try to contact you, maybe you will. You may just wave your hand when you see her at school, or approach and ask her another simple question. And if there is "chemistry", it will push the things one to another. These things go smoothly.

Hope this helps.

Best wishes

[IndiReloaded]

Is Neo's ITT thread still around? He turned into a bit of a psycho, but I think he gave some pretty good tips in there for guys lacking confidence.

[cmacattack1]

I'm an avid believer in that things will come to you when you aren't looking for it. Yet for guys, we have to go after the girls for the most part. Unless you are that drop dead handsome guy that can just make a girl weak in the knees without much effort. Most guys aren't though.

I've tried hard before and it doesn't work. I'm not a very confident guy so I usually go by the route of meeting friends through friends or whatever and I've overall been pretty lucky with the girls I have dated. I think parsovski's suggestions are very good too, I might try them myself.

[MikeL]

It's weird when a girl comes onto you some days I feel confident and some days I don't

[corey1985]

Alot of the stuff you all are saying makes me feel better; however, I do have a few questions so you can either answer therm all if you want or just one:

Is it alright if I talked to those girls at that table (the one I gave the girl my number) again for practice? I made a film for my final project and whenever girls are in the editing room using the computers they alwys stop and watch it for a minute because they think it's funny. Since I already messed up, it it ok to chat it up with them and see if any of them want to critique my film? It's kind of an open-ended thing and even if that girl I like doesn't want to maybe one of her friends is into art. We have a large art program here and everybody is friends with a film or theatre major. If I'm afraid of 19 year old girls in a small Minnesota town then how can I expect to talk to real women someday.

I don't have trouble attracting girls at school despite my very serious personality but they are always immature or just not my type at all physically or personality wise. Last semester I even had a stalker and almost did this time.

I'm a junior now with most of my gen-ed done so I don't have time to waste. If I'm going to be bold and talk to random girls now is the time.

Everybody says that I just need to let it happen on here and in my personal life but I have never had a good opportunity present itself-I don't go to parties or bars so I am already in the negative.

I go to social events at school but even there the girls always stay in little packs like they do at the cafeteria- that where I need to learn how to engage a group of girls since I now have the confidence to I just need some tact.

I'm not arguing with anyone's suggestions I'm just wondering if you could expound on these points.

[the_robot]

Is it alright if I talked to those girls at that table (the one I gave the girl my number) again for practice? I made a film for my final project and whenever girls are in the editing room using the computers they alwys stop and watch it for a minute because they think it's funny. Since I already messed up, it it ok to chat it up with them and see if any of them want to critique my film? It's kind of an open-ended thing and even if that girl I like doesn't want to maybe one of her friends is into art. We have a large art program here and everybody is friends with a film or theatre major. If I'm afraid of 19 year old girls in a small Minnesota town then how can I expect to talk to real women someday.

That sounds like a really good conversation starter, I think you should do it, even if you don't want anything with those girls because it would give you "practice" talking to girls...

[parsovski]

Is it alright if I talked to those girls at that table (the one I gave the girl my number) again for practice? I made a film for my final project and whenever girls are in the editing room using the computers they alwys stop and watch it for a minute because they think it's funny. Since I already messed up, it it ok to chat it up with them and see if any of them want to critique my film? It's kind of an open-ended thing and even if that girl I like doesn't want to maybe one of her friends is into art. We have a large art program here and everybody is friends with a film or theatre major.

If you ask me, it sure is a good opportunity. But what I like to stress here is that in my opinion the best things with girls happen slowly, let's me give you an imaginary example: let us suppose you're sitting there by your computer and girls stop to watch your project, as you have said. I would, in that situation, let them watch it, then turn around to the one I like and just ask her something like: "Did you like it?". If she did, and if she was interested in me and my work, I suppose she would give me a longer answer than just "yes, it's OK". So if she does give an answer that will show me that she really liked it, then I would ask her another short question, like "Are you into this kind of art" etc.. My point here is - no girl wants to be scared at the first conversation. I like taking it slowly. If we have a nice little short conversation today, I would smile to her, say that I enjoyed talking to her, so the next few days I suppose things would go, (how do you say this...) for themselves, by themselves, without you or her pushing it.

I see opportunities to talk to girls very often, and I use them in the way I described above - ask her something short, then wait for her response, and never go too far on the first conversation.

About you saying that you're afraid you won't find the right girl, that they're all shallow and immature, well dude you're not the only one having that problem

I myself do have a girlfriend at this moment, but I must say I still haven't found what I'm looking for. Sometimes I'm afraid that I will never find a girl that will be "the right one" for me.

Again, almost all of my friends are facing the same problem - all of us haven't still found the girls we're looking for. So, what should we do?

Well, if you're into "The Godfather", I like Don Vito saying the following: "You can act like a man. What is the matter with you? Is this how you turned out?". So, all I know I can do is living my life, doing the things I do every day, and hoping that someday I will find some girl that would turn out to be the right one.

And what if I start complaining every day, crying and stuff, is that going to help me find my girl? Of course not. So, live your life,study, work, hang out with you friends. Enjoy the present. If you constantly think about the future, you're missing the present. And that is not a good thing

Regards

[LailaK]

There's nothing wrong with practicing

[corey1985]

That sounds like a really good conversation starter, I think you should do it, even if you don't want anything with those girls because it would give you "practice" talking to girls...

Yeah, even if that girl I gave my number to doesn't like me there are at least 5 others she hangs out with that maybe do; if none of them do then like I said at least I can practice on them and get some exposure for my film at the same time.

[corey1985]

In case I talk to those girls in the next day or so I wanted to run something by you guys and girls that comes up in discussions boards and also I find interesting too:

What is the reason that women don't really look and act like women anymore and that they do not require men to be chivalrous either?

I am a film major and naturally I watch older films and one thing I notice is that women are very lady like and well dressed while men treat them with respect even if they are annoying characters.

Also I see guys every day that swear and wear filthy and unkept clothes and they are seen with very feminine and beautiful girls.

I hold doors open for girls alot and they often seem surprised and taken back, and I often let them go ahead of me in certain situations which gets me the same response.

That's one of the reasons I am atrracted to those girls is that they do not swear and they look like ladys and not frumpy girls that hang with losers.

Is there a tactful way I can let them know I appreciate that about them when I practice my skills on them?

[cmacattack1]

I just think you are putting too much emphasis on trying. I mean yeah, we are guys, we have to put work in and pursue the girl. But this kind of thing should come naturally. When you aren't even thinking about it, don't you do much better in these situations then when you are calculating your next move, when you are going to give her your number, what funny or meaningful thing you have to say? It just seems to be the wrong kind of motivation. These kind of things have to happen naturally and yes you are going to need lots of patience and practice.

[corey1985]

I talked to a girl on the bus today from a liberal arts college down the street from my university. I saw she had an anthropology book so I chatted with her for like 4 minutes about it. That's all nothing else really. It was a nice experience and even though I'll never see her again it was good practice and I'm glad I made the effort. It's not so foreboding once you make the decision and I hope I get more opportunities soon.

[corey1985]

I'm thinking if I talk to those girls again I am going to patch things up by asking if any of them want to be extras when I do a reshoot of my film next week and kind of patch things up with that girl by telling her I wanted to show her my film since I did; it seems like alot of girls find me being a filmmaker interesting like I said but even if if it doesn't work like I said it can be good practice for next time-does anybody have a way I can open because once I get their attention I think I can handle the rest I beleive fater I get past the initial awkwardness?

[parsovski]

Also I see guys every day that swear and wear filthy and unkept clothes and they are seen with very feminine and beautiful girls.

I hold doors open for girls alot and they often seem surprised and taken back, and I often let them go ahead of me in certain situations which gets me the same response.

That's one of the reasons I am atrracted to those girls is that they do not swear and they look like ladys and not frumpy girls that hang with losers.

Is there a tactful way I can let them know I appreciate that about them when I practice my skills on them?

This, my friend is quite a dilemma for myself also. Why would a nice girl, a little lady want to be with such a jerk? In my country, there are a lot of gorgeous, smart, nice little ladies that are going out with complete jerks.

So i thought about it for a while, and the only reason I could come up with is the following: perhaps girls just do not want nice guys anymore, 'cause in this cruel world they want to be with someone that is strong enough to protect them. And if you are a nice guy that do those kind of gentleman things, the would assume that you are a weak, little nice guy. So they would turn out to the ones that are self-confident, that are not conforming to any rules, that do what they want, and they'll assume that it is going to be the same with them. Their strong guy is going to protect them from everything in this cruel world.

There is also another thing, "bad boys" just are more attractive to women than "good boys". I mean sexually. I cannot tell you why is that so, since I am a guy but maybe some of the ladies here in the forum could answer this.

And about this - "Is there a tactful way I can let them know I appreciate that about them when I practice my skills on them?" - I am coming back to what I said before - you don't want to tell her this kind of things in the very beginning, you're gonna frighten her. After a couple of dates, when you are sure you like each other, maybe then. And I would even skip that one, not tell her at all. 'Cause, a bad guy would not tell her so

It could be strange to you, and think that I am saying a bunch of c*ap here, but think about it - why else would all the nice girls be with such jerks? It must be that - they just like bad boys. So I will make a move from the nice guy to the bad guy in the future. Of course, keep some of the fundamental things to show her some respect, but beside that, I am turning to a bad boy!

I would really want to hear the ladies' opinion on this one.

Regards

[jloranestes]

Okay- I get that you are nervous and shy. I get that she probably is too. That means you'll have to do the persuing- and no, dropping your number on the table isn't persuing her- it's asking her to persue you!

This girl is gonna need a reason to believe that you are actually interested in HER, not just what's below the neck. Strike up a conversation on the bus- talk about her, the things you noticed about her. Tell her she looks nice. Notice if she's carrying any texts or doing homework and ask her about it. Tell her you've noticed her around and that she seems like a nice person. Ask her if you can call her sometime. Since she's shy, you'll have to start slow. Once you have her number- call her! Talk to her, but more important, get her talking and LISTEN to her. Ask about her favorite food, or hobbies then ask her out- and PLAN the date around what SHE likes.

That should get you going at least...