How to deal with regret?

[Kiechi]

I've done a lot of ****ing up in my life and feel myself just feeling more and more regretful. How do I deal with this? All that keeps flashing in my mind are the words "This wasn't how it was meant to be". Sounds bit locke-esque>

[vashti]

I think there are three things to do:

1) apologize with sincerity.
2) make amends where possible.
3) do not repeat the offending behavior

[Incognito]

Sometimes there are things that you can't even attempt to make right. Only time can cover the feeling of regret for those particular things. I know this very well. There are many things that have said and done that I cannot make right for various reasons. Some things I said so long ago that the other person probably forgot, and to bring it up again would be stupid to say the least. Some of the people that I did things to are no longer in my life, or I don't see them very often. Despite these facts I am sometimes haunted by guilt and regret. Sometimes I will have forgotten the event, but am reminded of it years later. I'll always end up saying "f*ck I forgot about that", and feel bad until I forget it again. I still remember a particular event that happened when I was four (among others) that I wish I wouldn't have had a hand in. I feel guilty every time I remember it, and I remember it at varying times through the years.

[Gigabitch]

As long as you really learned the lesson, you can let those things go, Kie. Everybody makes mistakes.

[QueenofCorona]

I say don't wallow in the regret any longer, its not getting you anywhere. Remember the feeling and use it as your will to change things. You can change the past but you do have control over today and your future. Make shit happen.

[Incognito]

Absolutely! I totally agree with your statement about learning from past mistakes and using that knowledge in the present and future. However, it is sometimes difficult to not regret a particular situation and its outcome. I just wanted to let kiechi know that sometimes this happens, as with me.

[starbuck]

There are no guarantees that even if you had made different choices, everything would have gone the way you planned it anyway.

Regret is such a useless emotion.

[Incognito]

There are no guarantees that even if you had made different choices, everything would have gone the way you planned it anyway.

Regret is such a useless emotion.

I disagree. If I feel regret because I made a specific action then yes, it would have ended differently. Sometimes the words we say or the action we make is what we regret. I also disagree with the notion that regret is useless. It is a reminder to not repeat past mistakes. Without regret we'd simply not care enough to avoid making the same mistakes over again, or make them again simply because we forgot about a particular situation over time.

[starbuck]

I disagree. If I feel regret because I made a specific action then yes, it would have ended differently. Sometimes the words we say or the action we make is what we regret. I also disagree with the notion that regret is useless. It is a reminder to not repeat past mistakes. Without regret we'd simply not care enough to avoid making the same mistakes over again, or make them again simply because we forgot about a particular situation over time.

It depends on what you're regretting I suppose. I think some remorse over mistakes is healthy, but I don't think it's useful to have too many regrets, especially over things you'd do differently if you had hindsight. Some of us are able to have some foresight, but no one ever really has that hindsight that you can only learn from experience. It's a self-flaggelating emotion in my opinion.

I've learned plenty from mistakes without a whole lot of regret. However I'm happy right now with my life, so I can't really regret paths I took that brought me here.

[doppelgaenger]

You can only be optimistic about the future once you have realized your mistakes. You have to realize that from each situation where you ****ed up, you have learned a valuable lesson.

[nowomannocry]

forgive and forget

"Loving yourself is as important as loving anyone else in the universe" - Buddha

[sookie6]

You can only be optimistic about the future once you have realized your mistakes. You have to realize that from each situation where you ****ed up, you have learned a valuable lesson.

Definitely, I have learned the most valuable and lasting lessons through mistakes that I regret deeply. If you have some spiritual belief that we are on this earth, each one on our own little path, to improve ourselves you will see that even harsh events in your life were beneficial.

I agree that it is very difficult to live past guilt and regrets but no life is perfect and dwelling is counter-productive.

Regrets is also an expression of our own evolution. We regret decisions that ourself made at some point in the past. We have since grown up, changed into thinking that these decisions were wrong or misinformed.

As for the people we have affected by our poor decisions or choices they are not perfect themselves and am sure have their fair share of regrets.

I am not sure how old you are but I find that early in life we tend to feel extremely battered by the first important 'wrong' choices we make. When young we have this feeling of 'I can't do no wrong and life is my oyster' and when it first hits us that we are not infaillible we take it very very badly. Maybe this is your case right now

[kai]

I believe that if you've learn your lesson, won't repeat that mistake again, you are good. It's hard to think it like that, but that's the only optimistic way. Use that guilt to make your life better.

[starbuck]

I saw this quote floating around out there and I'm not sure who said it, but it made me think of this thread:

"In life, don't focus on trying to make the right decision; instead work on making the decision right."

[Incognito]

I'm not too sure I agree with that. It seems to mean do whatever you want without any forethought and then try your best to fix your fu*kups after the fact. I think that is both unwise and dangerous. Its like saying "oh yeah just run across that busy street without looking and sort out any problems you might have after you get across" ......well you might not make it across.