Long story, input is appreciated.

[wjl022]

Okay, I need some serious advice. I've been in a situation with a girl for a while now, and its gotten to the point where it is affecting me on many levels. I need to do something about it. It is a long story but I will try to keep the description as short as I can while still hitting on key points...

November 2008: get girls phone number at 10 year high school reunion. we were never friends before, had a good conversation that night about music. at the time she lives 2 hours away.

November 2008 - July 2009: randomly text and email each other, nothing serious or lengthy, just friendly. a few times per month, maybe. she mentions a boyfriend at one point earlier in the year.

July 2009: ticket to concert opens up day of show. invite girl, she responds immediately that she is interested. takes train down and comes to show. while hanging out beforehand, she tells me she is moving back to the area later in the year to go back to school. grabs my hand a few times during show. texts afterwards that she had fun and we should do it again soon.

August 2009: A week later I take train up, hang out with her. we get close during the night, hold hands, etc. she invites me back to her place. we hook up for a while. at this point, I figure she is available and obviously interested. not so fast. she informs me in the middle of it that she is involved with someone, and seems upset at cheating on him. given her actions, my attraction for her, and the fact that she is moving back to where I live, I don't think too much of this and decide to see where it goes.

August 2009 - November 2009: Girl and I talk, email, and text each other all the time. we really connect on many levels. at this point, I have fallen for her. she comes down a few times for various reasons, we go out together and hook up more. we do not have sex, but come very close. When we are together, we behave as if we are together...kiss hello / goodbye, hold hands, etc. She talks a few times about feeling she is leading a "double life". She asks me at one point "what are we doing?". I am affected by all of this, though I don't show it. I don't know what to do, I am uncomfortable with being 'the other guy' but I like her. I fear overwhelming her. My reaction is to try and keep things cool and not overthink....we are having a good time together, she is moving home, lets just see where it goes. she refers to the guy as her "ex" at one point.

November 2009: she comes over one night, it is a bit awkward. she claims to be all anxious about moving home. we had some drinks. I try to make out with her, she reacts negatively. tells me not to be "weird".

November - December 2009: girl gets busy with many things (leaving work, class, holidays, moving), communication between us slows down. I invite her out a few times, she is busy and can't each time. we still communicate, just at a slower rate. she becomes more unresponsive to texts and calls. I begin to think that she is no longer interested, but at the same time realize she has a ton going on and I don't pry.

January 2010 - March 2010: girl is back in area, taking classes. she does not contact me. communication between us is basically zero. I send a text here and there so she knows I am still thinking of her. invited her out once. she called back to say she couldn't make it, and tells me her class schedule which sounds pretty busy. I give up and stop contacting her, I feel she is just too busy or avoiding me.

Two weeks ago: while walking to my car at school, I see girl walking towards me in the distance. I pretend not to notice, duck into library. girl texts me a minute later asking if she just saw me. I replied yes, and suggest catching up soon. we do the following week. she suggests going to the park then getting dinner. we meet at the park, walk around, talk, joke, laugh like we used to. didn't seem to skip a beat in that regard. we do not talk about what happened between us at all. no physical contact, either. at the end of the night I say it was good to see her, she replies to be in touch. we text back and forth a few times during the week.

Last week: I text her thursday to see if she wants to hang out friday. she doesn't respond at all. friday I call, for a different reason, leave voicemail. she responds back via text that she is sorry she didn't respond earlier but can't hang out tonight. obviously did not listen to my message.

Now: I have no idea what to think. I feel that we need to discuss what happened between us, for closure if nothing else. I still feel for her, and if she just wants to be my friend I need to hear that. I don't know what to say or where to start.

Please help.

[jloranestes]

As with most relationships that go sour, it sounds like you two had different ideas about what was going on. It seems your time with this girl was more significant to you than it was to her. It is totally understandable that you might need some closure, but it would appear that a romance bwtween you two isn't gonna happen.

This girl is going through something, either with another guy, or something completly out of the realm of romance. Think about everything you know about her- not just her schedule but her life. Think about the things you talked about- is she close with her family? how are things with her parents? is she close with her friends? is she focused on her career right now? Think about all the things she said and what she could be going through. Back off the romance stuff, stop thinking about what you need and find out how you can be a good friend to her. You'll find that you don't wonder so much about it and how you can get someting from her (closure).

Either way- good luck.

[wjl022]

thanks

I never thought we got to 'relationship' status, but I guess that is a loosely defined term. She lives with her parents now, from all I know things are fine between them. She is close with her friends and family from what I've gathered.

She is definitely career focused at the moment, its the reason she moved home.

The whole situation just boggles me because things were seemingly going well, then all of a sudden it changed and we never talked about it. This coincided with the shit hitting the fan for her as far as moving and stuff, so I understood. Now that we're back in touch I just have no idea what to think about where its heading, if anywhere.

oh, something else she said while we were seeing each other before was along the lines of "I thought we might get together when I am back".