The Saga

[cmy05]

In the summer of last year I started talking to one of the Student Interns (age 20) at my job, me being 28, and we flirted etc and texted even though she had a boyfriend but I didn't make any moves. About 1-2 months later she ended her relationship with her boyfriend of three years. I didn't end well as he kept harassing her to get back with him. Even though it was ugly I jumped right in and started dating her. I know it was stupid but hey I liked her. He finally went away but with him went her entire core of friends. They took sides with him and left her in the dust. They didn't even talk to her for a month. Over the next 4 months we exchanged I love you's, I became her first(sex), and we became great friends. Everything was going great but her family which plays a big role in her life was all up in her business about me and how they didnt approve. We had a cruise planned in January which they canceled and made her eat the ticket aka $1250 bones. Shortly before this she told me she wanted to take a break for awhile and sited she thought she needed to be single for awhile. She said she hasnt been single in years and she wanted to experience it once before moving forward as she thought we could be good for each other long term. I was reluctant but whatever I said ok and wanted this to work. DUN DUN DUN. I knew something was up. The last night she spent at my house before this break was going to start I just had to really know what was going on so I checked her phone. Bam A week prior she ran into her ex at a party and she was talking to him behind my back. They even exchanged I love you's. I blew my lid, and told her she had to leave and we were done. I couldn't believe what had just happened. Over the course of the next week she came crying back to me. She told me that between her family shitting on her because of me and losing all her friends she was going to take the easy way out do what everyone wanted, meaning everyone wanted her to get back with her ex. I forgave her and told her if she wanted to be with me she had to cutt him lose once and forall and she would have to tell me if he ever contacted him. She did and again she lost her friends. Skip to March 1st this year. She started telling me her whole back story with her father and how much of dickbag he was and he was now not going to talk to her anymore. I have met him a bunch of time sand I could definitely tell everything she was telling me was true. Her parents had a bad divorce when she was 12. So at the being of march she dint want to have sex anymore because she was feeling like shit all the time. She has even been going to counseling. At the same time she started acting weird. I started picking up things and detecting little lies. Sure enough this pass Thursday I sat her down and told her what I thought and that i knew she was lieing to me. I asked her if she has been talking to her old boyfriend and she denied everything. Sure enough I read he phone and there he was. I think she has talked to him more than me these past 3 weeks. So I snapped and told her were to go. She started breaking down saying it inst like that and they only want to be friends. Yet on Thursday she went down to NYC (which he paid for) with their old crew of her, her best friend, and her best friends boyfriend to watch the Colbert report. Aka a double date. This is the second time this has happened. She told me that i wouldn't have understood. All of this is bs. I have always told her that if she came to me with anything I would be understanding. I even told her back in sept of last year when her friends were dumping on her that I would be ok If we all could be friends even her ex. She also says that she just wanted someone extra to talk to, apparently im not enough, about all the shit she went through with her dad. Her exboyfriend was there for the hard times back then. I am lost and don't know what to do. She says she wants nothing more than to be with me but how can I ask her to lose all her friends again. How can I trust anything she says. I firmly believe he wants her back, even if she feels they are just going to be friends. He texts her 12 times a day. She says her friends want nothing to do with me and if we tried to work things out they would just push her away again. AKA they are assholes. She has no one else to turn to if she gets rid of them besides me and her mom. I feel hurt and betrayed. I know the right move is to let her go and live her life, but deep down inside I love her and want to always be with her. I read the message she sent to him and she thinks they are nothing but I know better. I know how guys work and that just talking to a girl is the first step into their lives. He doesn't have a girlfriend and he is exploiting her weak spot. I have given her every out possible told her to just cutt me lose and go back to her old life and she says she will do anything to be with me. She also says she is screwed up from her past (the root of her lying) and wants to start taking me to therapy with her. First of all is there any middle ground ( i have suggested that we all start hanging out but i guess that inst possible as her ex sees me as the reason they broke up, also she never talks to him about me), second give me your thoughts I guess. Right now its tough for me to talk to her knowing she is talking to him.

Im sorry for the one large paragraph.

[cmacattack1]

It's okay man, I understand your frustration and how your trust in her is shattered. It's certainly a tough situation to be in for her to have to see her ex to get her old friends back and win her family's approval and all that. Keep in mind that no matter how many times she runs back to this old guy to make everybody happy, deep down she won't ever be happy herself. If she is in a situation she doesn't want to be in, she can only feign interest and feeling for so long.

It was probably very easy to paint you the dirtbag that broke them up because you guys known each other for a little bit and then she breaks up with him and is with you pretty soon after. Hence her friends taking his side, although it's really immature to completely cut her out based on their opinions. They sound like a bunch of judgemental pricks if you ask me. While you could be a perfect match for her and be everything she needs in a boyfriend, you can't provide for her what friends can provide. It's a shame she doesn't have a new group of friends or met some new people, she could completely dump them by the wayside and move forward with her life. It's a shame that she chose them over you and I hate to say it but she might still have some feelings for the ex still. When you jump into a brand new relationship like that and haven't sorted out the old one, there are some lingering issues that persist.

It could also be very well that while you may be a good guy and treat her right (which alot of girls aren't used to believe it or not), she might not feel like she has alot in common with you. I hate to say that age does play a crucial role when you have an 8 year gap in it when she is 20 years old. It's a time of change and transition and growing and she might not be up to the level of commitment that you want yet. She's flip flopping, wants to single, going back to her ex. She can't even keep a story straight and doesn't seem to know what she wants. I know you love her and it's not to say that you guys wouldn't be a great couple, it's just probably not a good time to have a relationship with her at this stage in her life. She's impressionable, she wants to fight for friends that are shitty, she wants to be back with a boyfriend that she was unhappy with. She wants to make mistakes and learn lessons the hard way. All you can do is let her.

Letting go isn't easy. Be the bigger person here.