Did I screw up?

[exilahfone]

I met this girl about 3 months ago and we hit it off. We took things pretty slow mainly because I just got out of a relationship that lasted almost 2 years a couple weeks prior to meeting her and everybody knows fast relationships usually end fast anyways and I didn't want that to happen. I met her through a friend of mine so he would tell me some of the things she would say about me and that made me feel even better about the whole situation since I really liked her (still do). The last couple weeks things started to slow way down and I'm not really sure why. She would only text once or twice a day if at all when before we talked a bunch and she would space out the days that we would do stuff together longer and longer. I finally asked her where this was going or where she wanted it to go...was this a mistake? I honestly thought she really, really liked me from what a few friends have been telling me over the past few months. I figured she was getting tired of waiting for me to ask her out or to date her. I was really surprised when she told me she could not have a boyfriend at the moment and she just liked hanging out with me, but she said that could change but she wasn't sure. Basically it felt like I was getting turned down. I told her I felt like we were at a dead end and it wasn't going to go anywhere and all she said was sorry that I felt that way. No we haven't talked in a while and I've texted her 2 or 3 times in the past week and haven't got anything back. I don't want to annoy her but I'm stuck in this state of limerence and it is literally driving me insane. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I should do in this situation?

[cmacattack1]

I think she answered your question with her not wanting a boyfriend at the moment. She just wants a friend she can hang out with and that COULD change (to keep you hanging on and following her). Rarely does that happen though. Good for you for being open and honest although some people cannot always handle that approach. If she lost interest though, there isn't much to do about that.

Don't get carried away with it. It may feel like the world is just shitting on you to pile up another dissapointment so very soon after getting your world turned upside down after the break up. This doesn't take anything away from you and who you are as a person. I just don't think you are 100 percent available right now and it's a bad time for you, if not for her as well. It takes some serious time after a break up, especially if its your first, to really get yourself back to normal and it's a lonely, miserable existence when you don't have somebody else there to help take the pain away. It's just very difficult when you are still emotionally wrapped up. Take a little break from the dating scene if you just don't feel into it and have some fun with your friends and get you back up to that person you used to be pre-breakup. Or if you feel like you can handle it, try dating somebody else.

Everything is going to work out alright in the end even if it seems like nothing could get worse right now. It takes some work and effort on your part to get yourself out there and put some time in taking care of yourself and increase your attractiveness, so if you are sulking and wallowing in self pity, stop it.

[exilahfone]

Ya, I guess the best thing would be to leave her alone right? It's just the infatuation that picks at me, but I know it will pass as I have been here before a couple times.

[sookie6]

Sometimes we get into a patch in our lives when we go from disappointment to disappointment.

You're not the only one...we've all been there. It's just a question of keeping the faith and be out there.

My friend Mag was single for 5 years (she had flings, she had bfirends) but nothing serious would ever happen to her.

She is attractive, has a good job and also is a true homemaker...

She is now in a stable relationship with a guy she loves and who loves her too. She met him probably after the worst guy she's ever met: A jerk who treated her very badly and after whom she stopped believing and searching.

So you see it takes time and many wrong turns to meet Mr or Mrs Right...

[Doc Durian]

The OP was too nice and too timid.

He needed to take charge... dazzle... surprise...

The problem with my fellow men these days is that we've all been raised in a backdrop of mothers firmly teaching feminism (which is equal, and just, incidentally) but not entirely addressing the male/female "cat and mouse" game... which is biological.. (That will take thousands of years to alter).

The OP didn't screw up one bit... he merely treated her like how many a woman biologically feels about their siblings. He had no such inclinations though. He treated her like the apple of his desirous eye.

The clingy-ness the OP exhibited (more so because of his concept of fair and equitable dealings plus the need to understand why the situation didn't seem fair) actually drove her away.

He may be able to salvage the budding relationship... should he be dashing and spontaneous...

...otherwise, better luck next time.

[exilahfone]

I think I understand you but I'm not a clingy person at all. I give people space just because I know where clinginess gets you, lol. Not only that, but I love my own space as well. But it was all just so sudden that it confused me to the point of craziness and infatuation which sucks. If you've been there you know. I'm just wondering if I should attempt to talk to her about the situation, just say what's up, or don't say anything at all.

[exilahfone]

Anyone????

[exilahfone]

I talked to her tonight and she said she just felt like there wasn't a connection anymore but I know that isn't true. If it was I wouldn't have acted on what I was told by friends and just kept rolling the way it was. I think that she thought I wasn't interested because I was moving too slow and thought I was going to stop talking to her. Now when I try to talk to her she won't because she wants to be the one to tell me off. I don't know, I'm stuck in this infatuation mode so maybe I'm just sitting, waiting, and wishing lol. I would love someone that has had more experience shine some light my way.