wooing a girl

[genesys4]

hmm thanks for all of your updates & all. I'll keep them in mind but I guess got something else up. I'll intro the characters:-
A - the girl I'm trying to woo
B - a friend I'm trying to catch up (and maybe possibly a date)
C - current roommate for B, used to be high schoolmate for A & my ex-classmate
A & B don't know each other.
I just setup a "meeting" with B, where she may bring along C. Is it a good idea to bring along A (maybe for the intent of catching up with C)?
Either way, (my guess is) that sooner or later C might inform A (unintentionally) that I went out with B. Damage impact assessment, come on girls!!

[lahnnabell]

Why would you bring A (girl you want to date) and B (girl you MIGHT want to date) to the same place? That is shooting yourself in the foot. Like I said, you have a lot to learn.

[Krissykris]

Alright, you've already turned onto "needy", you're not this girls boyfriend yet you have done all these nice things for her???? Stop it. Best way for her to notice you is ignore her and her friends for at least 1 week, then slowly start talking to them again. Stop buying stuff for her too, girls don't like that until they've got you, girls want to be woo'd personally, we want to know that you're into US not what you can get from us.

Don't be so available, it's a turn off. I've been on ALOT of dates with guys and I get turned off when a guy is TOO NICE, like he's a try hard. Be nice but don't be psycho-nice. My boyfriend did it perfect. The first date he was super quiet and I wasn't sure if I liked him or not. He didn't call me for like 4 days and I was like "WTF" so I called him, turns out he was afraid of me and thought I didn't like him. But if he HAD called me, I probably wouldn't have answered the phone.

Be a little more un-available, that outta do it

[lahnnabell]

He didn't call me for like 4 days and I was like "WTF" so I called him, turns out he was afraid of me and thought I didn't like him. But if he HAD called me, I probably wouldn't have answered the phone.

This method is a total headgame and a mindf*ck for most people. I would avoid getting into the "who should call who?" scenario. If you like someone, let them now. They will reciprocate if the feelings are mutual. If I like a guy, I will call him. If I find that he's not answering or missing my calls frequently and fails to get back to me in a timely manner, I would take that as a sign that he's not interested enough. And if a guy is afraid of me, that's his own damn problem and he probably shouldn't be with me anyway.

[xxazurexx]

This method is a total headgame and a mindf*ck for most people. I would avoid getting into the "who should call who?" scenario. If you like someone, let them now. .

I agree totally....

Pity when people feel they have to play games, to try and keep someones interest.
And if someone is 'genuinely' interested, they don't mind how often you call, ask them to dinner, blah blah

I know that when I first met the guy in my life, he bombarded me every single day with calls and texts and I loved his attention. More so because I was 'genuinely' interested in him. And all of his attention actually endeared me more to him. I didnt see him as being clingy, needy and desperate.....I viewed it that the guy was 'really' keen on me and into me. And I'd always answer his calls and texts...I never ignored him for days on end, so he'd like me more.....lol His interest in me, was something I never had to second guess and likewise for hm with me.

Honestly, all these games are pathetic....

If you are having to second guess someone, or feeling that you have to play games, then you are usually playing them with a disinterested party.....accept it and move on to someone else who is interested

[genesys4]

Alright, you've already turned onto "needy", you're not this girls boyfriend yet you have done all these nice things for her???? Stop it. Best way for her to notice you is ignore her and her friends for at least 1 week, then slowly start talking to them again. Stop buying stuff for her too, girls don't like that until they've got you, girls want to be woo'd personally, we want to know that you're into US not what you can get from us.

Urrmm, I beg to differ on your statements. If you mean "needy" in a sense that I buy flowers for her, call her all the times and do all the nice things to her, I never did those things.
I call her like once every 3 to 4 weeks ( at most), never paid for her meals (going dutch) and never ever bought any flower for her. The only thing I bought for her was a keychain, even that was for her birthday present.
Yes, sometimes she 'tested' (flirtly perhaps) me to buy her dinner and all, but I never give in to those demands. And mostly, I spend my weekends with other girl friends of mine ...if that's what it meant by not being clingy. So, how is it that I'm "needy"? Yes, I'm not her bf but I'd like her to be my gf - by not showing this wussy, kiss-a@# behavior.
As I mentioned previously, how can I not be too much of a 'player' so that she can think that I'm serious with her?

[Krissykris]

I appreciate all of your concerns and regarding all the things you girls mentioned that I ought to do, well, I'm way past those stages with this particular girl already - take her out (several times), her fav food (chicken chop), her hobby (shopping, duh!) although not to the fullest.
So girls, what's next (in order to remain exclusive with this girl)? I had problem in the past where I'm way too friendly with the-girl-I'm-trying-to-woo's friends (not this particular girl though)...

You took her out but didn't pay? that would mean you didn't take her out, you guys went out to eat something...

[lahnnabell]

You took her out but didn't pay? that would mean you didn't take her out, you guys went out to eat something...

I definitely agree with Krissy on this one. If you want to date this girl, you're gonna have to put in some more effort. Don't drop a ton of money on her, but do be kind enough to treat her once and a while. And you only call her every 3 to 4 weeks?! How the hell is the girl ever gonna think you're seriously interested in her?

[xxazurexx]

Urrmm, I beg to differ on your statements. If you mean "needy" in a sense that I buy flowers for her, call her all the times and do all the nice things to her, I never did those things.
I call her like once every 3 to 4 weeks ( at most), never paid for her meals (going dutch) and never ever bought any flower for her. The only thing I bought for her was a keychain, even that was for her birthday present.
Yes, sometimes she 'tested' (flirtly perhaps) me to buy her dinner and all, but I never give in to those demands. And mostly, I spend my weekends with other girl friends of mine ...if that's what it meant by not being clingy. So, how is it that I'm "needy"? Yes, I'm not her bf but I'd like her to be my gf - by not showing this wussy, kiss-a@# behavior.
As I mentioned previously, how can I not be too much of a 'player' so that she can think that I'm serious with her?

Start showing her you are interested.......pay her more attention.

Try calling every other day rather than once every month for a start....lol

UNBELIEVABLE

[BubbleFreak]

I was curious about how to have a girl wooed (aka get her to like me) ?
Does being friendly(not flirting though) to her friends count?
I want her to think that I'm serious with her but NOT a player.

The last two things you said would totally contradict one another if you put them into action. Your reasoning confuses me:/

You don't have to "get" her to like you. I think you should just be yourself but put some effort into getting to know her too (not her friends), and if she thinks you're alright then hi five.

[genesys4]

I definitely agree with Krissy on this one. If you want to date this girl, you're gonna have to put in some more effort. Don't drop a ton of money on her, but do be kind enough to treat her once and a while. And you only call her every 3 to 4 weeks?! How the hell is the girl ever gonna think you're seriously interested in her?

OK lahnnabell, point taken! Just one thing quickly, how do you draw a line between "don't drop a ton of money on her" and "be kind enough to treat her"? I mean not only on this 'buying her dinner thing', how often to call, to go out etc? any tips?

The last two things you said would totally contradict one another if you put them into action. Your reasoning confuses me:/

You don't have to "get" her to like you. I think you should just be yourself but put some effort into getting to know her too (not her friends), and if she thinks you're alright then hi five.

FYI, I'm not flirting with her friends. It's just to portray that I can get along with her friends and not only being stuck up to her. About the "alright" thing, how alright is alright?

[the_robot]

OK lahnnabell, point taken! Just one thing quickly, how do you draw a line between "don't drop a ton of money on her" and "be kind enough to treat her"? I mean not only on this 'buying her dinner thing', how often to call, to go out etc? any tips?

Call her as often as you want, go out with her as often as you want. It's not a game, you have to enjoy the time you want, not play by anyone else's rules.

[BubbleFreak]

FYI, I'm not flirting with her friends. It's just to portray that I can get along with her friends and not only being stuck up to her. About the "alright" thing, how alright is alright?

Everyone is different and the girl you are interested in may misinterpret your actions. You have not spent as much time with her as you should in expressing how much you like her and if you act friendly (even if it's not flirting) with her friends then she might think you are interested in all sorts of other girls rather than just her. Then when you start to act friendly with her she might just think it's how you are with all the girls. That could, and i say COULD, eventually lead her to think exactly what you don't want her to think, that you are a player.

The action of being friendly with her friends without building up some stronger relationship with her first does not really portray someone committed to a relationship with just her. You actions would appear contradictory and you cannot assume the girl you like can read your mind. Just BE DIRECT! Tell her you like her. Games are foolish.

Alright means if she likes you in the same way, and if she is mature enough, she will reciprocate towards you. If she rejects you, learn from it and move on.

[mikwat]

When I was 15 my dad taught me to focus my failure on one girl at once. Pick either A or B.

[genesys4]

Call her as often as you want, go out with her as often as you want. It's not a game, you have to enjoy the time you want, not play by anyone else's rules.

How’s this not being interpreted as being clingy? The reason why I see several other girls is because I don’t want to be perceived as clingy.

Everyone is different and the girl you are interested in may misinterpret your actions. You have not spent as much time with her as you should in expressing how much you like her and if you act friendly (even if it's not flirting) with her friends then she might think you are interested in all sorts of other girls rather than just her. Then when you start to act friendly with her she might just think it's how you are with all the girls. That could, and i say COULD, eventually lead her to think exactly what you don't want her to think, that you are a player.

The action of being friendly with her friends without building up some stronger relationship with her first does not really portray someone committed to a relationship with just her. You actions would appear contradictory and you cannot assume the girl you like can read your mind. Just BE DIRECT! Tell her you like her. Games are foolish.

Alright means if she likes you in the same way, and if she is mature enough, she will reciprocate towards you. If she rejects you, learn from it and move on.

Hmmm bubblefreak, you have a point right there. Everyone’s different. But just to make it clear, I wouldn’t go THAT far as to flirt her friends in front of her. Just as I mentioned earlier, not to show clinginess.

When I was 15 my dad taught me to focus my failure on one girl at once. Pick either A or B.

My choice is clear in this case, it’s A. I am meeting B just for the sake of catching up, no burden on B’s meeting. If something happened, it’s just meant to happen.