frustrated...

[u4ricmind]

So here's the story i met this girl. I was initially attracted to her from the start. I asked her out and we eventually became friends. Well i wanted to pursue more with her but unfortunately she was already involved in a relationship. Over time we remained friends and during that time she started to have problem with her relationship. Regardless of my feeling i did my best to give her the best advise i could to help her without letting my feelings influence me in the advise id provide her with.

Well over time this relationship she had with her bf ended. I did my best to console her, but having spent more time with her, my feelings grew stronger. I eventually confided how i felt about her. However she told me she didnt feel the same way and that if it was an issue that perhaps we shouldnt be spending so much time unless i could handle it.
Well i decided that i didnt want to end the frienship so i opted to try and keep the frienship. Over time she and i grew even closer as friends. She even confided that im probably one of the few people she trusts since im always there for her and am not the type to pass judgement on her and accept her for who she is.

I wont deny that my feelings for her is still there. To many regards i feel that we probably would make a decent couple. I mean she respects my opinions and thoughts and i for sure am probably one of the few people who can tolerate her straight forward personality better than othr. Anyhow the only thing i guess i fall short on is because i dont fit her ideal physical criteria. Ive noticed that a lot of the guys shes interested in are beefy guys. My body type is pretty average since its not in my genetic disposition.

Anyhow, i still hang out with her once and a while and talk to her, much more her calling than me honestly. Recently she started talking about some of the guys who shes been meeting. Right now shes claims shes not interested in a relationship and is unsure what she wants. Its clear shes confused. But sitting there hearing about these guys is starting to irk me. In fact she called me out of the blue half asleep to tell me all about it which i didnt get as to why. Part of me wonders if shes doing this subconciously to see if id get jealous. I mean ive heared and seen women do it before. She knows that i liked her and that the only reason ive stopped pursuing her is cause the last time i brought it up it cause her to get upset with me.

Its funny cause being the one person whos listened to all her previous experiences with men and has gotten to know her, Whenever she talks about what she wants in a guy or relationship I often at times whisper under my breath how funny it is she cant see that all of the things she talks about i am or ive done for her in the past. Ok i get it she doesnt like me in that way cause im not physically her type but seriously its annoys me thinking that im out of a criteria of 10 shes looking for im missing on 2. Or better yet listening her willing to consider give strangers a chance and yet pass someone over all because i dont fit one freaking criteria.

Anyhow, so going back to the issue. Well as i mentioned talking to her about these other guys has touched a nerve and its gone so far as to make me feel like "oh youll let some stranger in, but im not good enough for you considering everything ive been?" To some degree i want to wean myself off from this person simply because i know its an unhealthy frienship. I dont want to flatly tell off this person because they were honest enough from the start and not lead me on. Nor do i want to be a dick simply because i cant get her to feel the same way about me. Yet at the same time, i feel like this frienship is a one sided deal, ive gone out of my way for this person, listende, cared and yet regardless of how true ive been i can never been seen in the right light, which in affect makes me feel like something is wrong with me. Again an unhealthy situation.

Dont know what to do, again dont want to end the frienship, and i cant mention to her how i feel cause the last time i did we got into an argument being that she though we had already resolved this issue. Again trying to just slowly distance myself and yet, i dont know if by me doing that is the reason why she brought the stories about the guys shes meeting to get purposnely get me jealous.

[ftm]

Dude, you went into the "friend zone" while she was in her other relationship. Once you get into the friend zone it's almost impossible to get out again. How old are you? I only ask because it took me years to understand the friend zone issue. You are looking at this logically: "I am good to her, I have all the qualities she says she's looking for in a man, therefore she should want to be with me." But it's just not easy. She trusts you now on a specific level that for some inexplicable (to men) reason disqualifies you from getting into her pants. For men it's different. We don't draw as much distinction between friends and lovers. The categories aren't so pure.

Bro, I've actually, over the years, had women I was in love with say to me, "If only I could find a guy just like you." Once, a woman I was sleeping with for months (a friends with benefits type thing, although my feelings for her were stronger than that) found someone else to be with and, in convincing me he was right for her, said, "But he's just like you."

It's unlikely that this girl's feelings for you are going to change. And certainly you bringing them up to her again will not affect them in your favor. You need to make a decision: Do you want to live with this feeling day in and day out? My recommendation to you in this situation would be to withdraw a bit. As much as you need to not feel the sting of her eye being on someone else. If she asks you why you kinda disappeared, be up front with her: You have feelings for her and aren't satisfied with being "just friends." She may be sad, but I'm sure she'll appreciate your honesty. And you'll gain some extra respect for yourself.

[Asip4u]

u4, advice above is spot on so please follow it otherwise you'll be miserable for a very very long time. It takes some guys awhile to realize it but once you understand it you'll be better off.

[xxazurexx]

Why would she be trying to make you jealous and when she's had her chance to be with you?

I could understand her trying to raise your jealousy, if the shoe was on the other foot and you were not reciprocating her feelings for you, but that isn't the case. So it doesn't make sense, that she'd be trying to make you jealous. She has no reason, to make you jealous.

You went straight to the friendzone and because she was IN A RELATIONSHIP and then fresh out of a relationship! Her head will have been all over the place, she likely still has unresolved feelings for her ex, etc, etc.....and here she has another man, wanting her to jump into a new relationship with him, when she likely isn't over the last one yet!

She has told you that you are not her type......and it doesn't come any clearer than that.

You are the one who decided that you still wanted her friendship and so she's giving what you wanted......her friendship!

I suspect that you opted to be 'friends' hoping things would change, they didn't......hence this thread and hence the anger.

You should never stay with friends with someone you have feelings for and when your feelings are not being reciprocated.....it never works.