once broken now together

[renon8]

Its been now 8 months ish since my ex and I split and about 3 since we stopped fighting. I read several of the stories here and I have to admit, i was in the same mindset....completely done. lost. sad. depressed. life fell apart. all the usuals when you break up. I lost my job, got a dui, quit a band, lost myself, moved a couple times, all that stuff. Whether coincidence or no, it all happened right as I broke up with her. Our relationship was toxic and awful, I'd havta write pages to really let someone understand how things were. But. I loved her.
Obviously a part of me still does or I probably wouldnt be posting this.
Couple weeks ago I tried to get in touch with her on myspace (bless it haha). I finally got to the point where I wasnt mad anymore, where I was ready to say hello, tell her I hope everything is amazing for her. Why? Well I miss her sometimes and all the normal stuff.
But course nothing came about with attempt. Maybe someday the chance to forgive to her face will happen.
Least now I have a new job in my choice field, a new band that is really fun and slowly taking off in my area, and I am forgiving her AND MYSELF more and more each day. Funny how things come back together. So those out there hurting, I feel ya...And I'm excited to be doing what I love and the right girl is out there for me. My breakup story's turned into a new beginning story. I know how bad it can be....but it does improve.

[Jas_mine]

Yay - things are looking good for you eh. Thanks for posting, helps give us broken-hearted peeps a somewhat reality check, yes we are hurting at the time and feel like we can't go on, that things will never get better but time does in fact heal. It always has. It's nice to hear that you have got your life back on track and that you have adopted a more positive attitude, it's fab! All the best dude.

[renon8]

Thats exactly why I posted, its easy to SAY life will get better when things look down but they really do. I had to go thru what i did, its taught me so much, things i want and dont want, how to realy forgive, to stand up for myself also overall self esteem/self worth. I know alot of what i want in a relationship and what I will give, I also know I'm comfortable alone and I can simply have fun if thats what a situation entails. so yea....I say things fall apart for one reason, so you can put them back together and be even better than before. My goals right now, stick to my career and succeed, have a good time with my band, and when the time is right meet someone and enjoy what that person has to offer and vice versa.

[cmacattack1]

Reading this made me feel good. Its so important to forgive yourself and her even if she's still angry and hurt and all that. It all comes in due time. I'm glad to see you are pulling yourself out of the tailspin and making something positive and being optimistic. All important things and all good signs of improvement. Life is too short to throw it away being angry and upset at somebody.

[wondering3]

Just thought i would ad to this post..my ex and i broke up in november around thanksgiving time, but didnt stop talking untill the end of january. after we stopped talking, my grades went way down at school, i began drinking a lot more, didnt care about much, and then did something really stupid and got arrested..im almost positive this had a lot to do with the breakup..anyway, i am doing so much better now..ive met other girls that are awesome and it shows me that there are other people out there..my grades are coming back up, im not longer depressed, and am now drinking a lot less..i am happier now than when i was with my ex!! so everyone who feels like they wont get over there ex, you will!! i was with my ex for four years and took about 3 months to feel good again..im not completely over her, but im really happy!!! thank you to all the responses i got on here, they really helped me!

[renon8]

Thank you for the thoughts on this, i have to admit I do think about her, wonder things and sometimes even wish I could call her. Of course there's things I wish i would have done differently, I became something I'm not, BUT since this went down, I've also become more awake in other aspects of my life.
I even wrote lyrics for a potential song for my band lil while ago.....they ponder the question of " Do I appear in her thoughts, her dreams, Do I make her conversations" I've wondered if she even cares, but really, do I care if she cares was the real question. Nope. No need. All I know is, yes things are moving in a forward position, I learn more and more who I am and I really like the person I'm becoming because of all life's experiences. Anyhow. Its time to find a new girl, I'm done with the past

[Unknown2010]

Good on you renon8 and wondering3 - really pleased you both are looking forward instead of backwards

[renon8]

Well an update....the other day my ex got ahold of me on facebook. Too bad it was to talk down to me because of a job I had on my page and she came to the conclusion I was going off the deep end. I reality what she commented on was purely a joke, and I'm working towards what I love and succeeding in it. It wasnt bad that she wrote me, it was the fact that she was negative in the first (and now last) message she wrote me in about 4-6 months. I havent seen the woman in almost a year and she felt the need to look at my page and be a jerk. I was hoping she'd write someday and just say "how ya doing, i hope things are good, sorry for what happened"....But with her thats asking too much.
Yea, it upset me and I wrote her back telling her to not insult me and that she has no idea what i'm up to these days. I probably shouldnt have attacked but theres no way I would allow her to degrade me. And there was really no point in her doing so. I wrote a couple more messages that now I wish I hadnt wrote... So I spoke to a counselor about what had happened then wrote her once more to offer reconciliation and forgiveness and just to end it.
I never thought I'd hear from her again and getting a hurtful message just sucked. I felt it showed me the kind of person she is...maybe it did. I feel I was also wrong in how i reacted to an extent....hmmm

[cmacattack1]

The exes tend to have a way to make you feel better about your decision to leave them (or feel better about being on your own). You probably shouldn't have responded at all though, what did it solve and what was the point? To lash back at her? You are better than that, c'mon.

[renon8]

This is true, at the time, i wanted her to know that there's a way to treat people, not like she cares or anything i say would have any standing with her. Bad thinking, and Youre right, she definately had a way of showing me (once again) that I'm so much better off without her. I guess the good part is, she wont make any efforts to ever contact me again...but if she does, I know where the "delete" button is haha
I was having a talk with my best friends fiance (who is like a sister to me and knows the whole situation). We were talking hypothetically if my ex apologized and I ended up going to her house. Sure an apology would be a nice gesture, but...After 2-3 nights of "honeymoon", it'd be trouble and complete madness would start. NO WAY THAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN My friend said my ex was behaving like a 15 year old and there was no positive reason for her to contact me like she did. People do stupid things, whatever.....I'm not perfect either.
My friend told me it was 2 years for her between her last relationship and her current, she didnt sleep around, she got her mentality and career on track. We agreed I was doing the same and on a good track so far. Sure there can be a lil pain and loneliness at times, but thats called "normal". She met my friend and took a pace that was comfortable....2 and a half years later, guess who is the best man at their wedding? That would be me!
I told her that I'm done sleeping around, one night stands usually suck, I'm over it. Lil meet for coffee, see where a girl's heads at and let myself slowly and comfortably find the right woman. It really took looking at what I have and will have to see how good things are. I'm in 2 bands, I work in the career I love, I was able to experience some bad times to learn to appreciate the good times and grow as a person. As hard as they can be, I'm really happy I went thru my breakup. Life's pretty rad.

[cmacattack1]

I hear ya man. I've been eight months without somebody and without sex. It sucks, you hit lonliness pangs here and there, but what are you going to do? I don't know about you, but I've actually got kind of used to it. I asked my friends that are girls what's a dry streak for you? They said "A month". I just kind of smiled and looked away after that. They sit there and complain about the bullshit that is going on in there life when they are putting themselves in these situations because they feel they "need" something. It's sad and I feel bad in a way. You don't need anybody in your life if you are giving your career and your jobs and your music 100 percent. You will find somebody eventually and when you are better figured out, better organized, and able to entertain a relationship (another full time job) on top of that.

[renon8]

This is true. And yea dry spell but hey....thats only one part of a relationship. Hard part is hearing from hear, which i did again. Course it was negative, still why she would write at all, I dunno. I still have feelings for her sure, but with the way she wrote, she's showing me she's not the woman I want. She says I havent changed. I'm like "well you havent even talked to me" And she wont. I offered everything from meet for coffee to meeting up with a counselor. Whats cool is I have made changes, I basically quit drinking, I know more of what I want and stand up for myself, I found my confidence again, went back to church (even though its tough now with my work schedule) and I admitted to her that I was wrong. For her, nothings good enough, but I'm not living for her, these things I've just happened to do and it works really well for me. Whats done is done unless she chooses to do her part, then we'll see what happens. Either way, I'm living life and see what it brings me.

[cmacattack1]

When you try to do things for or with the ex, even trying to be friends with the best intentions, it somehow further validates their decision that what they did by ending things with you is right. Like you tried to meet up with her again even after all the nastiness she has been sending you. Why would you? I know you still have some feelings and some unfinished business with her, but trying to even after all she's done to you IS sending that message that you haven't changed. You don't need to prove anything to her (like how far you have come) as we all know trying to prove something doesn't prove anything at all. She contacts you, gives you shit, you tell her to buzz off and leave you alone. That WILL show her you changed and aren't putting up with her shit anymore.

Just a thought.

[renon8]

Weird how trying be nice can send those messages. But I think you might be right. And youre also right, I dont have to prove anything to her or anyone for that matter. and yes, if she writes me again being disrespectful, I'm finally just going to to ignore, I seriously doubt she will, although months ago I thought the same. But I'm not holding my breath waiting. For awhile I was, I was hoping to get a nicer toned message, I guess I thought I needed it (i'm only human). I thought after so much time had passed she'd be done being mean and hopefully grown from our experience.
What was interesting was that I thought I wanted her back, then after those bad messages, I thought "would I really want to be with someone like that?" And also "was the woman I fell for still in her?" I dont. and I'll probably never know but she'll just be a memory and part of my growth.
I've come to realize I am ready for something real, not desperate or anything like that, and of course I'm really guarded right now as well.
Im gonna look ahead, take what I'm learning and see what life brings, concentrate on ME and just live. Im gonna step away from this forum for a while too, I appreciate having a place to vent and others' opinions, but it keeps my mind in the past and thats not where I wanna be. I'll come back if I need some insight. Thanks all.