Please help!! question about jealousy, trust issues

[staceyde]

My boyfriend (1.5 yrs) has been good friends with another girl for many years. The two of them became very close about 6 months ago when my boyfriend and I were have some difficulties... he felt like he could talk to her about relationship problems he was having. They never had any physical intimacy but they talked about a lot of emotional issues. They stopped talking about 6 months ago but have recently started up again. She asks him questions about her new boyfriend so she can get a guys opinion, or they talk about religious matters.

I completely trust my boyfriend and have no worries that he would actually cheat on me, but for some reason, I become so emotional and hurt and scared whenever I hear that they have talked. I know it's all in my head because of a previous relationships (in which I was cheated on). Still I freak out and act like a crazy woman whenever I think of her.

Any advice on how I can reduce this crazy jealousy? It seems stupid for me to say he can't talk to her since they've been friends for a long time and since nothing will happen. Its this past fear that is channeling through this issue. This is the man I intend to marry, we have been talking about it frequently. I don't want to lose this relationship because of my inability to cope with jealousy over him talking to one girl!

[Jas_mine]

I can understand where you are coming from - it is hard to stomach the fact that your boyfriend is emotionally intimate with another female, that he is able to confide in her rather than you but she is just a friend and he has never given you a reason to doubt him. Your jealousy is self-destructive, you can't dictate whom he is allowed to be friends with and whom he can't associate with - your behaviour will end up pushing him away. Guys don't usually feel comfortable dissecting their relationships with other guys, it's not a bloke thing, so he obviously finds it handy having a female friend whom he can turn to when in need of advice. Reassure yourself that he is fact discussing you with her, you should even be thankful that he receives opinions and inputs from a female perspective.

Instead of viewing her as a threat, befriend her. Find ways that all three of you can hang out so that you can get to know her better and who knows you might even grow fond of her. And most importantly communicate with your boyfriend in rational manner, make him aware that he doesn't always have to rely on her, that you are his girlfriend and more than capable of lending him an ear as well as a shoulder to cry on. If anybody, he should be able to discuss his fears and thoughts with you, that is the whole point of having a girlfriend.

[Gigabitch]

If they're meeting one another's emotional needs, they're looking at what could easily become an emotional affair. That's dangerous. I'm not saying he shouldn't have female friends, but the boundaries have to be kept very clear and it doesn't sound like they are in this case.

[Kaius]

Talk about your feelings with him. If he is considerate, he will assure you, beyond his duty as a BF, that nothing is going on.
I am considerate about my woman's feelings, so I make sure there is no possible potential misunderstandings.
I meet female friends in public places only. I talk on the phone with them only briefly, and in front of my woman.
No I am not whipped. I am considerate, because she would do that for me too.
It's about respect and being considerate as a couple. If he gets defensive about your concerns, then you know rough waters are ahead.