I can't stop thinking about her - I regret it so much.

[Jak07]

I'm not usually one to do this but I'm in need of guidance.
Oh and just to pre-warn you It is a life story but the more detail the better you can paint the picture.


I got to know this girl at a part-time job we both worked at on the weekends.
After a while of working along side each other talking and having good laughs every weekend together the months soon passed and I found myself growing a soft spot for her. The thing is it was a different feeling that I have never felt before towards a woman.

I later Discovered however that she had a boyfriend, and was a bit saddened by it so I accepted the fact that she was in a relationship and thought that it's territory I probably don't want to enter.

More months passed with my feeling only growing stronger towards her the more we chatted and had our laughs together at work.

Now I don’t know if I was starting to make up excuses to convince myself that she was starting to grow the same kind of feelings that I felt but as time pressed on I began to notice her smiling at me from time to time and a lot of what I said she would laugh at and say I was funny and made her laugh a lot.

One day I vaguely over heard her and someone else at work saying “Don’t you have a boyfriend?” Her replying “I know but I like him.” Followed by who she was talking to taking a quick look in my general direction.
On another account I was leaving work as she was having lunch and I had a chat with her before leaving about her moving to university. As I left two of my mates I work with went in and I heard one say “did you ask him?” and she replied “ no, we where just talking about university.

There was a number of other occasions that made me question whether she felt what I felt. But I ljust thought I’m over reacting because of my emotions and put it down to I’m just making excuses in my head, she has a Boyfriend and she’s just really friendly.

One other example is I offered to apply for something at work and involved giving out some details i.e phone number and she jumped at offering to fill the form out. Later that night I get a phone call from a foreign number. I thought it was a prank call and hanged up but I didn’t make out what they where saying until I hanged up but It was a female voice mumbling do you know who this is? I then heard her say I can’t say that. It kind of sounded like her but I was unsure.

The end of summer was fast approaching and I knew that she would soon be leaving work to move to university, which made me feel upset that I wouldn’t be seeing her anymore on the weekends.

I began having dreams about her – one being me following her around on her last day and I was saying to myself just tell her and as she was about to walk out the door I woke up.

Another dream I had was I was leaving work before her and I would walk out saying good bye and then walk back in again to say good bye. Kind of like I was trying to prolong the fact that I was going away and then woke-up

The last dream was we where just laughing together and then woke-up.

Sadly she left with out me manning up and expressing my emotions. I must have blown a number of chances to be with this girl If I was right in thinking she felt the same.

I thought though time is a great healer and I will move on and meet someone else but oh no. I go out and try and meet new people to take my mind off her but still find myself having thoughts about her even when I’m chatting to other women and recently I have been having reoccurring dreams reliving the dreams I mentioned earlier.

It’s been 9 months since I last saw her and I still fill as much emotion as I did then.
I don’t know what to do. I want to be with her but its been so long she’s probably met someone else and moved on and would a long distance relationship be a good thing for her?– I doubt it, I mean she is back home on the holidays but well you can see my point. This is of course again assuming she did feel anything towards me.

How many chances can you get and still mess up I cant believe it If I had my chances and blew them and there’s nothing I can do I just want to move on and get on with the rest of my life which I have been trying to but the psychology in my mind just wont let me.

This has to be the biggest mistake and regret I have ever made so far and I cant carry on like this.

Please guide me and what I should do?

[Trish]

It sounds like you're having problems moving past a relationship that never existed. You've imagined being in a relationship with this girl, but it never actually developed into anything. The relationship that you are struggling giving up is the imagined one. The thing about an imagined relationship is you can picture it being absolutely perfect. Who would want to walk away from a perfect relationship? But its not real. Maybe you could have had a relationship, and maybe it would have been good. But its not there. You do need to close the books on this one and move on. Let it go and realize that it never developed. You can;t live your life regretting what 'might have been'.

[jamie2010taylor]

This sounds familiar to me, your case is slightly more extreme in the time difference though. But even so, i met a girl a couple of months back and after 4 weeks of knowing her feelings began to develop and dreams about her started along with imagining a relationship that never existed. it is those very thoughts that make you fall for a girl as you know. The fact is because you knew her as a friend for some time she's had a large impact in your thoughts which is why the emotion is still there. your going to have to accept i'm afraid that this relationship never happened. It's hard i know ive been there, you think the world of her and you picture all the things you could be doing together, but you cannot feel sorry for yourself about this any longer as its doing more harm than good. I suggest using your friends to your advantage, in other words go out and have a great time with them, take up hobbies you'd never imagine yourself doing. This will subconsciously tell yourself that you are moving on and having fun about it. if you never occupy yourself with enjoyable things to do you find yourself with no other alternative but to carry on thinking about a life that never happened.

Hope this helps,

[cmacattack1]

Don't beat yourself up. It's not right to go after a girl with a boyfriend. You did the right thing. If she wants to stay with somebody even if she feels for somebody else, she's the one making the mistake.

It's not easy but you have to keep trying. Until you have the next person in your life you are always going to be looking back at this as a what if.

[seriously]

hey man, same thing pretty much happened to me. it's weird. if you suspected the girl liked you, she probably did. you're not delusional. and you're not an idiot for passing up telling your about her feelings. it's not your job to do that as she has a bf and she should be broach that topic. i think you actually should stay in touch with her somehow. there's a good chance she won't end up marrying that guy. maybe you'll be an option in the future (if you like her that much, consider it; but don't bet money on it happening!). try adding her on facebook (i have the girl on facebook). but don't dwell on it. live your life. after a couple of months of doing what you're doing i finally had to let it go and just live my life. you don't want to be in your death bed regretting time you could've used better. thinking means nothing if you can't apply action to it, so quit wasting time. move on.

[seriously]

btw, the easiest way for me to get over her in that kind of way was to just visualize whose dick she's currently sucking. it's some other guys, and you shouldn't waste your time thinking about a girl that is sucking another dudes dick. it's a very to-the-point way of thinking that helped me pretty much right away get her out of my mind.

[cmacattack1]

btw, the easiest way for me to get over her in that kind of way was to just visualize whose dick she's currently sucking. it's some other guys, and you shouldn't waste your time thinking about a girl that is sucking another dudes dick. it's a very to-the-point way of thinking that helped me pretty much right away get her out of my mind.

^^^^If this helps you....I try not to think about dicks

It's not like you can just say "Okay, I'm letting go today" and than be done with it, obviously easier said than done. You can put yourself in the position to meet somebody else though by trying your best to go out, socialize, join clubs. When you do meet that somebody, this girl will be an afterthought.

[Jak07]

Thanks for the advice people. I agree with what a lot of you are saying. It's better to keep in contact and remain friends with her than to not have her in my life at all because she is a nice girl to know. Just accept the fact that I've missed an opportunity, if anything dose re-spark then wow great, if not then so what It wont matter because I'm going out and meeting new people and I never know I may come across someone I connect with more so.

The reason and it's just a hunch that she stayed with her boyfriend was because she didn't want to lose him and risk me rejecting her and her ending up being single. She probably wanted to jump from one relationship to another and play it safe.