Breakup advice

[bornsavage]

Well, I was dating this girl for close to a year and it was amazing. Since the past couple of months I have had some family matters that had to take precedence over the relationship, which resulted in her feeling alienated and abandoned. I did not want to project my stress and negativity onto her. We did meet and talk however I knew she felt it. I am convinced she is the love of my life and being 29 I have some experience in that area. I would normally accept the breakup and try to move on.
This time however I felt that the relationship has just lost steam and is not dead. We did meet up 2 days after the breakup and I told her what I felt, she did not respond either ways and said we'll talk.
Then we decided to talk in 2 weeks time but she stood me up on some flimsy grounds. I did not know what she meant and just wrote her an email with what I had to say. Since then I haven't spoken to her or been in touch. She did say she wants to talk. I don't want to pressure her or smother her but the fact is I love this girl to death. The whole time with her was bliss and its like I don't even know any other girls apart from her when I'm with her.

I don't know if I should pursue her or just dig a hole in my heart?

[Jas_mine]

Give her some space, you don't want to harrass her, see if she contacts you within a fortnight and if she doesn't then pluck up the courage and initiate contact again.

Normally I would say signs indicate she isn't all that interested, it doesn't look too optimistic but you claim she's the love of your life and I'm a sucker for romance so don't give up easily and just yet.

You have obvioulsy let her down in the past and maybe she feels you are unreliable - you need to find a way to apologise to her as well as prove you are genuine. Oooooooh, be cheesy and send her some flowers with a 'thinking of you' note, that would be a great way to break the ice, plus it would prompt her to contact you even if it is just to thank you. And girls just love flowers, you can't go wrong with flowers!

[bornsavage]

Thanks for the reply! Everyone around me is dishing out the same - "You'll get over it, just find someone" advice. Having been dumped and having dumped people I realise that it is probably best to stay away. The thing is a common friend told me that she was enquiring if I was alrite. The feeling that I KNOW she is the one is really difficult to handle and in hindsight probably I should have shared my sadness with her and she would have given me the space. Anyways, I am going to follow your advice and just stay out of her way for a fortnight.

[Jas_mine]

And flowers, don't forget the flowers dammit!

[bornsavage]

I am going to get her a bunch of white lilies, same as I got on the first date and May 3rd would have been our anniversary. So I am going to initiate contact on that day unless she does before that. I don't know what I'm gonna say other than just accepting my stupidity and letting her know how i feel.

[bornsavage]

Ok, she emailed me and said she can't call me or take my calls but will call when she can. Is that code for " I am getting over the breakup and when I'm done I'll get in touch" or " I am confused"?

[elektra]

I hate to be a pessimist, but I think it's quite obvious she does not have the same intense feelings for you as you do for her. She e-mailed you? (very impersonal) She can't call or take your calls? You are worthy of getting great love, not just giving it. As far as I am concerned, you owe her no apology. You were having family problems...if someone truly cares for you, they will respect you and give you a little space, especially when it comes to ones family. She sounds selfish and spoiled to me. If the roles had been reversed, would you be treating her like she treated and is treating you?

[bornsavage]

Its like I have broken-up with gals for far lesser reasons and now I can't seem to find a reason to let her go. The times we spent were great and I am literally making a fool out of myself for I want to leave no stone unturned for what I believe is the love of my life.
Its either that the bump in the relationship has pushed her far too away to recover or it was never more than just a casual mid-twenties run-in for her..
Either ways I'd like to know so I can get some closure.

[Petit Papillon]

I have a feeling that is not over yet... Do something big. BIG. Bigger than flowers. Something that will surprise her so much and put her into a position where she can't say anything else than : I WANT YOU BACK

[bornsavage]

Thanks a lot you all, it is really helpful to have some perspective as none of my guy friends seem to get it.
I wanted to go to her workplace and surprise her but decided against the stalker approach.
Our anniversary is coming up ( if it works out), was planning to ask her to come to our favourite place and have a honest chat. I know there is a lot of steam left in this relationship, matter of giving it a try and I'm committed 100%.
Its like you use a tube of toothpaste till the end by bending it, folding it but a relationship is somehow so much more disposable.
Actually, I have been thinking what BIG should I do without coming off as Jack the Ripper type stalker.

[Petit Papillon]

Thanks a lot you all, it is really helpful to have some perspective as none of my guy friends seem to get it.
I wanted to go to her workplace and surprise her but decided against the stalker approach.
Our anniversary is coming up ( if it works out), was planning to ask her to come to our favourite place and have a honest chat. I know there is a lot of steam left in this relationship, matter of giving it a try and I'm committed 100%.
Its like you use a tube of toothpaste till the end by bending it, folding it but a relationship is somehow so much more disposable.
Actually, I have been thinking what BIG should I do without coming off as Jack the Ripper type stalker.

I think I said it once here before but I repeat myself since You're new
Once, in a city near my hometown, one guy decided to propose to his gf in a special way. He rent 5 billboards on the road to his gf's job. He wrote a letter ,the story of their relationship. The last billboard was seen from her window at work. On the last one was written "Will you marry me Paulina?".To be sure that she won't miss the billboards, he asked her on one day if he can drive her to work. Then he showed her billboards one by one.And well, she's his wife now probably, it was about 2 years ago
This is a pic of a billboard


Of course it costs a LOT but... If I had an ex who wasn't a douche (seems like you're not), and I would still feel something for him...I think I would fall for it

[bornsavage]

I don't think this is gonna work with her. I mean we just broke up putting up billboards is gonna freak her out...but i get your drift...something BIG...hmm..