What makes you want to marry?

[Junket]

I'm getting married next month. We're both happy about it. We probably don't have to, but my man is a bit of a romantic, and there are financial benefits to it.

Also, if we have children, I don't want to be that hippie mom that has a different last name than my kids. I would like to create an outwardly cohesive family unit.

How very unfeminist and submissive of you.

[CAM]

"...and there are financial benefits to it..."

May I ask...financial benefits for WHOM? These days, it could go in many directions--protection of mutual pots of money, benefit to you because he's loaded, benefit to him because you're loaded. I'm guessing that it is #2 on the list.

A friend of mine married a much older guy who is richer than god. She got fairly wasted the other day and told me about her background...grew up in a no-name two-bit town in Kansas, a skinny non-descript white girl who made it through high school by smoking copious quantities of marijuana (because she didn't like to drink beer for a high). Flash forward: she marries the rich widower and has discovered that she can drink, but only champagne...so, that's her new kick, along with lots of jewelry, etc. The only "catch" is that she plays the role of a 1980's big-haired gal who likes to play golf...see, that makes the older hubby feel comfortable in "his era."

So, when you say "financial benefits," I'm just always curious how that goes along...

[bluesummer]

The benefits of two incomes going into one pot. The fact that I transfer my education credits over to him so he can get a tax deduction. There's two right there Mr. Cynical.

[bluesummer]

How very unfeminist and submissive of you.

Thanks buddy.

[CAM]

The benefits of two incomes going into one pot. The fact that I transfer my education credits over to him so he can get a tax deduction. There's two right there Mr. Cynical.

Actually, you've done loads to feed my cynicism. Ah, I assume that love comes first before the balance sheet and tax write-offs.

[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlvXBItM7zY[/url]

[CAM]

The two incomes in one pot.... The Marxists would have a field day with this new reality. How many gay couples demanding the right to marry are really subconcious efforts to have the economic benefits of the marrieds and the social legitimacy, to boot? One wonders...one wonders. The upperclass are the marrieds and the lowerclass are the unwanteds. And the marrieds...well, there socio-economic status is built around an ancient ritual emerging from class-based past.

What is particular interesting is that an undoubted feminist who likely rejects tradition succumbs to the economic status.

Yes, the Marxists would have a field day.

[mrtdg82]

Without reading the whole post CAM do you not like the idea of marriage?

[bluesummer]

Actually, you've done loads to feed my cynicism. Ah, I assume that love comes first before the balance sheet and tax write-offs.

[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlvXBItM7zY[/url]

Yes it does, and it should.

I should add that we also choose to get married because we want to, to us it shows commitment (and not in a societal-expectation type way), and it's really nobody else's business to pick apart the whys or tell me it's "unfeminist" or "old-fashioned". I just plain old don't give a crap about other people's views on it. Don't like marriage, don't do it. Keep your cynicism about it to yourself though, there are those of us who are happy with our path in life and have made a great choice in life partner.

Besides, the only people on here who rail againt 'the point' of marriage are single men who can't get/keep a meaningful relationship, or men in less than ideal relationships.

[Gribble]

Oh no, I absolutely was not kidding. I would marry a 90 year old woman and have nasty, nasty sex with her every night if she had millions to blow on me. I'd lick every wrinkle of her pruny, liver-spotted body.

[IndiReloaded]

Actually, you've done loads to feed my cynicism. Ah, I assume that love comes first before the balance sheet and tax write-offs.

[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlvXBItM7zY[/url]

Cam, I assume what you would call love is more than just blind emotion and desire. Personally, I don't think those 'love' feelings alone are enough to justify the loyalty and commitment that marriage requires.

[Gribble]

Besides, the only people on here who rail againt 'the point' of marriage are single men who can't get/keep a meaningful relationship, or men in less than ideal relationships.

I hate this argument. Of course single men are griping about marriage. We see what a crock of shit it is and we avoid it like the plague. That's like saying I should throw myself into a fire before telling people that self-immolation hurts like a bitch.

Don't get me wrong. Congrats on the marriage and I wish you well.

[Junket]

Thanks buddy.

I want to clarify that that was a facetious comment.

[hurt_confuzd]

Besides, the only people on here who rail againt 'the point' of marriage are single men who can't get/keep a meaningful relationship, or men in less than ideal relationships.

I hate this argument. Of course single men are griping about marriage. We see what a crock of shit it is and we avoid it like the plague. That's like saying I should throw myself into a fire before telling people that self-immolation hurts like a bitch.

What would make me want to get married? Having my dick cut off and stored in a mason jar under the sink.

[mrtdg82]

Just adding to this a bit...

Marriage is an interesting thing nowdays. It certainly means more to women then men in the majority of cases but thats stating the obvious (cue several replies of 'my man wanted it just as much as me'). In most cases couples are financially better off once married. However in most situations its just the relationship running its due course. Marriage is always seen as a logical step forward. Whether that be by peer pressure (friends or family) or simply a case of two people being together a length of time whereby they see it as the next step.

The problem is that once married it does tend to leave some people feeling trapped as getting out of a marriage is a lot harder then getting in. This is understandable as a man (certainly in England) is likely to lose a hell of a lot once divorced.

Im not against marriage, however i am wary of it.

[CAM]

Cam, I assume what you would call love is more than just blind emotion and desire. Personally, I don't think those 'love' feelings alone are enough to justify the loyalty and commitment that marriage requires.

I wouldn't disagree with you. Love is one thing, but marriage is about commitment. Commitment might mean that while he/she is doing great financially today, that might not last. Is one committed beyond the possibly transitory conditions that first made for superficial attraction? I think that is an important question to consider. I think saying that is worth taking his/her last name and marrying him/her is worth it because of a financial benefit at the moment is very shallow and personifies the problems of modern marriage.

How many people do I know that say, "We both like to hike and ski!" Yeah, but is that the solid foundation for commitment? Or, he's worth a mint. Yeah, but that might change.

It is so amusing to me that the parents always see in me the solid foundation, the commitment, the hard work...yeah, I'm not a gigolo in the bar scene or into all the cool extreme sports...but I'm "Steady Eddy" who would never lie, cheat, steal. I'm middle class economically and have good but simple tastes...I want nice things just not tons of them. The women--the daughters of those parents--they find all of that boring. They want Mr. Excitement even if he's not even got a pot to piss in or a dollar to his name. The generic attractive guy that they like is not committed to anything but himself or is immature or has baggage from past mistakes. They trust those characteristics because they understand that. They don't trust my charactertistics because they are foreign to the women's experience and it scares them that if I am committed that they might also have to be committed...a responsibility that they can't handle.

Someone asked if I'm anti marriage. Not a bit. And, I'm not a dreamy-eyed fool either.