Communication error? Or is my Ex Really Really a Jerk?

[JiltedJill]

Me and my boyfriend broke up a month ago. He did the breaking up. I accepted. A month went by, and I missed him but I decided it was best to move on. Unfortunately when you're drunk...that's not so easy to do. I drunk texted him. And in the morning instead of finding an angry text in response to my drunk text...I got a text telling me that he felt the same way. And missed me too.

We spent a week texting endlessly. Catching up. THen came the weekend. We spent it together. We talked. We didn't explicitly say we where getting back together, but it was implied. We talked about working on our relationship. Talking more. Stuff you say when you're planning to get back together right?

Well after the weekend another week went by and he started acting weird. Distant. This annoyed me. So I decided rather than let this bother me I was going to act like it didn't bother me. So this is what happened. I texted him. Below is our dialogue:

Me: Hey. I am getting some time off this next two weeks. Let me know when you want to hang out again. But give me some notice. I'm in high demand after all
Him: Oh. What do you have planned tonight?
Me: Going out with friends to a party and then tomorrow I have family coming over and I am going to spend sometime with them.
Him: Ok. Be careful. Don't drink too much and pleas don't drive if you've been drinking. I don't want you to get hurt.
Me: I won't. So what do you have planned today.
Him: I'm going to watch a Laker game with the family.
Me: Ah.Well you can come with me to the party if you like. You're always invited.
Him: Thank you for the offer but I have a dinner to go to tonight at my Tennis club.
Me: Need a date?
Him: I have plenty of dates thank you.
Me: ....
Him: What's that supposed to mean?
Me: I thought you said we where going to work things out?
Him: I will see whoever I chose and you should do the same. You need to stop planning your weekends around me.
Me: Shut up. Last weekend you where all lovey dovey and I love you and now you suddenly have dates? You're a selfish spoiled
brat.
Him: If I'm a selfish spoiled brat than why do you even want to be with me? you always do this. You always get so angry and blow up at me.
Me: Because I love you. And you said you loved me last weekend and said you probably would always love me. But I guess you just said that to get me into bed right? You where just lying when you said all that I guess.
Him: No. Don't twist my words. This relationship failed twice. Why would I want to try and start over again.
Me: It failed because you always come up with bullshit excuses like "I don't have enough money" or "I look bored during sex." If you love someone I don't understand why in the world you wouldn't want to do everything in your power to be with someone. I just don't get that.
Him: We obviously don't see eye to eye and we are just going to keep hurting each other unless we can come to an understanding. I want to be your friend.
Me: Fine we can be friends. But I'm not sleeping with you ever again. You make me feel guilty for doing so. We can't be friends and be having sex too.
Him: I agree...but neither of us is very good around each other...
Me: Oh trust me. Now that I know where you stand I will not be doing anything of the sort with you.
Him: Good. Ok gotta go.

I was pissed. And decided to just chalk it up to experience and move on. Just not talk to him anymore. He's obviously a jerk. But then i started rereading the texts...they started off so nice. And it makes me wonder...did he just say he was going on "dates" because I said I was in high demand? I was just joking. Trying to be coy and sexy and cute.

The thing is I don't want to ask him or talk to him about this because...I don't want him to know it's bothering me. I'd rather have him think he's lost me for good then go back and say.."ok let's talk this over...what happened during that conversation"
So I'm here lol Because I need outside input. It's driving me crazy. Was he being a jerk or was he just trying to get me to be jealous?

What are your opinions?

[xxazurexx]

Two words........booty call

[MM894]

You know, if you didn't explicitly say you were getting back together, that it was "implied" that might have just been your interpretation, not his. Your conversation went south when you said "I thought we were going to work things out", so in my opinion, I just don't know if he was under the same impression as you were in terms of getting back together. It was his call to break up, and unless he gave you explicit signs he wanted to undo that, I think you might have misread him a bit.

[JiltedJill]

When someone tells you they love you and will always love you....and kisses and cuddles....thats where i got the idea

[MM894]

When someone tells you they love you and will always love you....and kisses and cuddles....thats where i got the idea

Did he say that after you guys broke up, or when you guys were dating? I got the impression from your post it was the former. If he's saying that to you after you've broken up, then yeah, I'd say it's entirely justified you're under that impression.

[xxazurexx]

When someone tells you they love you and will always love you....and kisses and cuddles....thats where i got the idea

Words are meaningless....actions count!

Unfortunatley you decided to sleep with him and before you saw any action on his part, to come back to the relationship.

He sweet talked and got what he came for......sex.

[dono01]

It is pretty clear to me that he doesn't want to get back together. I also don't think he was a jerk. He was just being firm, and giving you no option to think anything otherwise.

EDIT: So I just saw that he slept with you? Okay, he's a jerk.

[xxazurexx]

EDIT: So I just saw that he slept with you? Okay, he's a jerk.

Did he force her to sleep with him? NO

He took, what was offered up FREELY as any guy would.

Therefore it's not his fault and the guy isn't a 'jerk'.

She would have been wiser to have kept her legs crossed and until this guy had proven with ACTION, he wanted back in the relationship or until the relationship was back on track.

[lahnnabell]

He was probably suffering momentary boredom at the time that you texted him initially. Hence why he decided to bite and get back into things with you. He was purposely vague about how he did things so as to absolve him from committing again too soon. He says this is because he didn't want to jump back into a relationship that's already failed twice, but I think it is because he wasn't sure what he wanted. You should've held off on the sex. I know it's tough to keep your guard up. You want to believe every word they say, but I've found that most men are incredibly selfish by nature. They look out for no. 1. Even my boyfriend instinctively thinks of only himself sometimes and does stupid shit that I have to call him on. I know he doesn't necessarily mean to be a jerk, but sometimes he doesn't know when something might be disrespectful because of the circumstances. But this guy probably knew on some level that while he may have missed you (or just having somebody) that he wasn't ready to commit again. That makes him a jerk.

[LailaK]

The guys a jerk. I would advise against trying to be friends.

[Gigabitch]

He might be a bit jerky, but the one you should really watch out for is yourself. You are your own worst enemy.

No more drunk texting.

[JiltedJill]

Wow some harsh comments haha. But I'm a big girl I can take it. I could only give you a snapshot of what went on. There is more to it.

I shouldn't have given any backstory and just had the text be analyzed. the text. The text. That's the main focus.

If you need more back story he cried when he saw me again. Told me he loved me. And would always love me. Kept hugging me and holding me close. He wanted me to spend the night. But I told him no. It was too soon. And i drove away. He called while I was at the gas station. It was windy and cold and said. How are you. I said good but cold. What you up to. And he said..waiting for you to change your mind."

And i explicitly told him...I'll come back but I can't sleep with you. You hurt me bad. You need to show me you respect me. He said "i do respect you. I just miss you near me."

So we got in bed and just cuddled all night until the morning. Where i stupidly reached over and grabbed his (use your imagination) because I myself was in need and missed that closeness.

And after the sex happened we spent the whole day cuddling and watching tv till I left. So there's some more background.

[lahnnabell]

His talk is cheap. Saying you respect someone and actually showing them respect are two different things. You need to respect yourself by holding to your convictions. His momentary lapse into lovey-dovey land was most likely due to the fact that he knew you were available. He selfishly enjoyed what you gave him without any intention of reciprocating. That is not respect. He can only attempt to realize what he's lost once you walk away for good.

[BelievNLove]

If you had stopped texting at "I won't," you would have left him curious and wanting more. He would have been left wondering what happened at the party... If you had hooked up with anyone... I'd bet you wouldn't have had to wait too many days before you heard from him.

It was when you started showing a more needy side that he knew he still had you anytime he wanted. He sounds like the kind of guy who wants what he doesn't have (when you had left and then he called you at the gas station). If you are still wanting him back, show him you are just fine without him... moving on... hanging with friends. He just might change his tune.

[IndiReloaded]

He wanted no-strings ex-sex and you gave it to him. Foolish, b/c he even told you: he will see who he wants. I hope you used a condom b/c this guy is probably seeing other girls as well.