Sticky situation

[Ryanch3421]

Ok, I am a 20 year old and I met this girl at my work. From the day I met here we have totally hit if off. We would always flirt with each other and have a good time. I eventually got her phone number and we text everyday. Some nights on facebook we would stay up really late like until 4 AM talking on facebook chat. Eventually I went on a date with her in which we hung out for around 7 hours and had a great time. We then had a second date and saw a movie, and at the end we hugged. I really thought that she liked me.

Ok, good so far far... then a few days ago we were at the mall and talked about a lot of things. Eventually the subject came up about past relationships, and dating ect.... We were really honesty with each other and went all out. It seemed like she asked a lot of questions trying to get me to admit that i liked her. She also was saying how she didn't want a boyfriend right now and didn't want to become emotionally attached to anyone. She also said she doesn't want to have a boyfriend as a coworker because she had a bad experience where she had to quit her job because of it. This was only several months ago.

So eventually she got me to admit that I liked her. Things were awkward but we talked for awhile. She basically said what she told me earlier about not wanting a boyfriend now. She said I was a great guy and everything and she said she really likes me. She also said she really likes spending time with me ect....

So I told her things would not change and that we could still talk and hang out and stuff. She was REALLY happy that I said this and admitted to liking her without ruining our friendship or making it awkward.

So basically I am stuck because she doesn't want a boyfriend for awhile. But the thing is the days after I admitting to liking her we talk and text to each other every day. Even a few nights ago we stayed up until 5 AM talking on Facebook chat when we both had to wake up around 730. So she obviously loves spending time with me. She also was saying all these places and things that we should do like, baseball game, the zoo, play video games at my house. Its almost like we are going out.... just without the intimate stuff. We text all throughout the day. I don't know if this is healthy for me because I really like her and she obviously doesn't want to go out right now.

Should I just keep things the same or should I stop talking to her? I would be really depressed if I just stopped talking to her. We work at the same place so its not really possible. Do you think after awhile it would ever work out. Or do you think I am permanently stuck in the friend zone?

[xxazurexx]

Should I just keep things the same or should I stop talking to her?

If you are wanting to a 'true' friend to her and without any expectations it will lead to more, then continue to be her friend.

If you are wanting to be friends because you have feelings and on the offchance that it will lead to more, or hoping it will lead to more, then you are not IMO being a 'true' friend to her.
You have a motive for wanting to stay friends and are falsely leading her into thinking, you are really her friend and only have friendship in mind.

If you have feelings for someone and they don't feel the same, it's a total waste of time. Your feelings will turn to resentment.

To be totally honest, I don't think she is interested in you in 'that' way.

The number one excuse that people will give and if they aren't interested is 'I'm not looking for a relationship right now'.

It's not that these people don't want a relationship, they just don't and can't see themselves in a relationship with YOU and for whatever reason.

This point is proven, when people will say they don't want a relationship with you, then the next minute they are in a relationship with someone else.

She may and most likely does, like you as a person....but there is just not enough there, for her to want to take things to a new level.

Liking someone, is just not enough sometimes.

[Olderandwiser49]

I agree with xxazurexx, and the magic word is "expectations." If you are entering this with expectations of more, you're in for
a world of hurt. If you are happy being her friend, then by all means continue (but keep your exchanges "PG" rated, at worst.)
Unrequited love can be even more painful than a flat-out rejection. If you can't be a true friend without ulterior motives, you need
to hit the backspace button and change "friend" to "friendly".

[Ryanch3421]

Yeah all of what you says makes sense. She may not ever like me. Yeah... it would kill me though if she got into a relationship with someone else

I would like the friendship to lead to more.... but if not it is great to be friends with her. So i guess I have the right motives. I wonder if this is possible without it killing me on the inside

I guess the only thing I can do is talk to other girls and try not to focus on her...which will be impossible since we text all the time and always want to hang out.

[Doc Durian]

She had an issue not too many months ago with dating a co-worker yet wants to do datey things with you, without dating you, and spends a lot of her free time thinking about you (ie. texting you)???

Good god man... unless your sole aim is wet your wick immediately, go with the flow. The chick digs you.

But as the others also mentioned... don't let her use you as a platonic friend should she get comfortable and you shy.

Know what you want and express it to her when applicable...never sooner (ie. don't be a love sick blabber).

A lot of chicks attack the idea that a lover and friend can't be one in the same where as plenty of men actively look for it in their pairings.

You may have unearthed that rare female specimen who wants friendship, trust, love, and building passion from the same fellow.

You owe it to yourself to find out... with safeguards.

Be your own person... honest yet private... and enjoy these moments. It's the happy pants dance.

[Ryanch3421]

Yeah Doc Durian, she probably does think about me a lot but what if she just wants a guy buddy to mess with. Although she does look forward to time with me. This situation is pretty complicated

Yeah so I guess I just gotta be myself and act confident and make her laugh... and happy and hopefully things go from there.

So maybe just give it a couple months and then ask where we stand if we are still hanging out and doing things and texting a lot?

[Doc Durian]

Yeah Doc Durian, she probably does think about me a lot but what if she just wants a guy buddy to mess with. Although she does look forward to time with me. This situation is pretty complicated

Yeah so I guess I just gotta be myself and act confident and make her laugh... and happy and hopefully things go from there.

So maybe just give it a couple months and then ask where we stand if we are still hanging out and doing things and texting a lot?

Be yourself...but don't tell her everything about yourself. Maintain an air of intrigue/mystery... for your own sake. Guy friends and gay friends blurb the same sort of truths. If she repeatedly shows that she is keen to have a romantic relationship with you, feed her a little bit more however comfortable you feel about it and expect the same from her.

You don't have to make her laugh or do anything... nor does she have to reciprocate the same.

There just has to be a sustained romantic attraction shared by both... and if the build up is in steps of friendship and trust (which may be your case considering that she was burnt by a similar relationship just prior), this time between the pair of you might just be fate.

Be yourself, be honest, be guarded, be with her until such time as she indicates she desires otherwise.

It's the big gamble... enjoy it.

[Ryanch3421]

Yeah your right.... it is a big gamble :/ But I may as well take it.

Ok, Thanks for the advice Doc Durian and others.