Regain Trust. (revised)

[cryssii]

Hi, my name is Cryssii, I'm new here, and I'm seeking some advise. Let me begin my long story.

I was introduced to my current boyfriend about a year ago. We hit it off so well. We have a lot in common except for the fact that he's recently divorced. We have a significantly larger gap in age difference. 17 Year difference, he has kids. Anyway. When we frist go together, i had recently got out of a 2 year relationship with a guy whom I lived with. when my boyfriend and I got together, I was broken up with this guy for about a month or two.

I stared babysitting for my boyfriend and everything was going great. But right from the beginning, he mentioned that he tests everyone and he's looking for an honest woman and someone who would never cheat. (cause his ex wife cheated on him, did drugs, and lied) So I knew he had trust issues form the start. So did I. my ex bf lied to me and im almost positive he cheated. So we are both really insecure people.

My ex wanted my old phone because his was broke, so he'd text me and see when he could get it and all that. and since he was responsible for my bike getting stolen, i told him to give me the other bike i bought for him for reimbursement since he got mine taken from me. so while i was babysitting, i told him to come by and drop off the bike. I told my bf he came by and game me the bike, but I wasn't thinking and it rly bothered him, which i understand. But i never told him i texted him. my boyfriend asked me "have you been talking to kory?" I knew he'd get really upset and I was afraid he'd leave me, so I said no. a few days went by and he asked to see my phone, there he found texts from and to kory. all we talked about was the bike and the phone, nothing flirty or anything like that. but the real problem he had was I lied about it. So, he was really upset.

Then my bf and I were talking about something one day and my old friend Chris got brought up somehow. He was one of my best friends in high school. he always had a thing for me, but I never liked him like that. So my bf asked, "how would u feel if I talked to a woman who u know has a thing for me?" i said, "well, I'd get a little annoyed because you're my bf and they should not be talking to you if they know you r in a relationship." So we agreed on that. But Chris would comment on my Myspace, or comment on my status or a picture on my Myspace, but I didn't tell my bf he did. So my bf must've looked at my page and saw that he was talking to me and Id occasionally comment back. So since i didn't tell him Chris was talking to me and I commented back, he said It looks suspicious and that it looks like I was hiding something since i never told him. So I told him I would delete my myspace to save the drama. But I didn't know how to delete it. so i told my bf, i dont know how to delete it, but I wont talk to him. so, that was strike two.

My bf and his kids went to his hometown for Christmas. But before he went, i posted a mood status on my Myspace and Christ commented on it, and i, for some reason, commented back. and He had a cool picture on his page and i said how cool it was. my bf found out a little after he came back form his trip. So, he fought himself not to leave me after i said i wouldn't talk to chris anymore and that if i did he could leave me. But he stayed, yet he was really hurt by it and he can't trust me at all by now.

Way back in September, I introduced my bf to a family friend. He's my brothers best friend and he's like a brother to me. I've known him since i was about 9. Dave (my brother's friend) and I went out on a couple dates, but i told Dave that it was awkward because he's like my brother, so nothing came from that. I didn't tell my bf that we went out a couple times, because I knew his jealous nature, and I didn't want to make it worse, knowing he'd have a huge problem with me being around Dave. But my mom told him, not knowing I hadn't yet, and that just caused a huge problem. So he was instantly suspicious. I tried reassuring him that we are like brother and sister. But it didn't seem to help. So he brewed on that for a while, brought him up all the time. Then he seemed ok with Dave after we had a long talk about him. He wanted me to Invite my brother and Dave over one weekend even. But during that gap of time before he had me invite them over, he seemed fine with Dave. so Dave would play WoW with me, he'd text me questions about the game and all that. The thought didn't even cross my mind to tell my bf any of this because I figured he came to realize that we are like brother and sister. Then one weekend, my brother, Dave , my bf and I went to a pool hall and to dinner later and Dave and I talked about the game. That upset my bf, and he acted like the whole weekend was perfect. He was so happy to be with me, then that Sunday night when I was home, he texts me a nasty text "it's nice to find out you're talking to Dave and Playing WoW with him. And its ****ing bad that I have to find out from him, not you" So I tried to explain to him my point of view, that i thought he was ok with Dave, and that he's confusing the shit out of me when he has me invite him over yet gets mad that I was talking to him.

So pretty much, that's where we are now. He says, "do what you want, i don't care anymore" but i don't know how i can regain his trust when he "doesn't care" what I do anymore We've been fighting all week now. And now he refuses to talk on the phone with me and he wont hang out with me this coming weekend because "he's going to do something for himself for once" but the only time Ive ever hung out with anyone but him was on the weekends he has his kids. On the weekends I get to see him i stick by his side. I almost feel like he's ditching me. I love him to death. I know i made some selfish, stupid decisions, but i feel like there's no hope. We are so much alike it's almost like we butt heads.

I'm just needing help to regain his trust, or keep him from leaving. I know I'm the bad guy here, i just need help fixing all this.


I'm looking for your opinion. if u have to be harsh, just do it. I'm just trying to fix all this. If you think its not fixable, i'd like to hear about it. thanks.

[Olderandwiser49]

Sounds like his wife cheated on him, but, since she isn't around, you are the one paying her penance. I can understand a bit of insecurity on his part, but he needs to get his s**t together, both mentally and emotionally, before entering into another relationship. You told him you are being faithful, and he has no proof that you aren't. IMO, if he can't accept that, and if he can't stop making you pay for his ex's infidelity, you need to back away.

[cryssii]

The ting is, I'd NEVER cheat on someone. I've been cheated on, and I know how that feels. I'd rather a guy leave me for another woman then cheat on me. And I think the big problem here is that hes very insecure, and jealous. And since most of my friends are guys (due to the fact I play video games, I like cars, I like heavy metal) that it's hard to find a girl that has those interests. So its worries him because i think he thinks that an guy I'm friends with has a thing for me. Which may be true, but I can't help that. And it takes two people to like each other to be in a relationship.