Should I tell my bf this??

[jessZ]

I am trying to decide whether I should tell my bf about something that happened with a male friend on Saturday night. I went out dancing with a couple of people, including a male friend that I've always been attracted to, but nothing has ever happened between us because I've been with my current bf the whole time I've known him.
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I don't see this friend all that much, and my bf and I have been a bit on/off over the past 8mths, so the last my friend heard was that we'd broken up. Anyway, we were having lots of fun dancing, drinking etc and at one point he pulled me off the dancefloor, told me that he thinks I am amazing, and then tried to kiss me. I stopped him, then told him I was back together with my bf. Then we had quite a long chat about feeling attracted to each other etc etc. It took a lot of self-control to stop things from happening (I love my bf, but I have always been impulsive and well, a bit stupid really.. .something I am trying to change...), but now I feel really weird. Should I tell my bf what happened? I want to be completely honest with him about everything, big or small, but I don't know if telling him about this would be just stupid...
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[sehvral]

Yes. Lying won't do anything to help.

The attempted kiss is fine, that was an honest mistake. It was when you guys had a long talk about your feelings for each other that the proverbial line was crossed. Based on your admission that you have the hots for this friend, I wouldn't be surprised if your BF demands that you stop seeing said friend. Under the circumstances, that's probably a good idea if you are really impulsive enough to hook up with him.

This will end in a "him or me" scenario, there's no way around it. You have to decide who you want more.

[vashti]

No. Although it will relieve your guilty conscience, it will be at the expense of his feelings of security.

If you want to remedy this, quit hanging out with single guys when your boyfriend isn't there.

[Gigabitch]

I agree with Vashti. If you had made out with the guy, then yes, you should tell your bf what you did, but that's not what happened. You didn't do anything wrong, and telling your boyfriend about it will just make him feel rotten.

Don't hang out with this guy again. He's not your friend, he wants to date you.

[davidtorres]

tell him. dont lie

[sehvral]

I agree with Vashti. If you had made out with the guy, then yes, you should tell your bf what you did, but that's not what happened. You didn't do anything wrong, and telling your boyfriend about it will just make him feel rotten.

Don't hang out with this guy again. He's not your friend, he wants to date you.

Well, when she started having a long conversation with a guy she wants to jump about their feelings for each other, *that* crossed the line. The kiss wasn't wrong, but the ensuing conversation was.

I do agree with Giga about hanging out. At this point, regardless of whether you tell the BF, your friendship with this guy is pretty much over.

[Kaius]

dont tell unless BF asks. This is something really not worth fighting about, yet it's important enough for you to unload.
Be honest if he asks. Otherwise just keep quiet and dont let it happen again.
If you are attracted to this guy, then break up with bf first and go with this new guy.
No committment involved unless you are married, so do what you feel makes you happy.
You havent done anything wrong, so why are you so hard on yourself?

[xxazurexx]

I think you need to dump the bf and decide what you really want.

Unfair to string one guy along and when you are attracted too and talk about your feelings for another guy and to another guy!

[cmacattack1]

The on/off stuff is not helping and you don't sound really into your boyfriend at the moment. Did you stop him because you think it's wrong for a girlfriend to do something like that, or because you actually love your boyfriend? I think it makes a big difference there.

Agreed you should really take some time to figure out what you want. On and off a few times in eight months makes it sound like it fizzled pretty quickly and is continually rocky.

You've already admitted to being dumb and stupid and I hope you are certainly learning from this. If you want to go out and have fun with other guys you are mutually attracted to, by all means, do it. Don't drag a guy along for the ride because you are afraid to be alone. Don't behave like you have one foot in and one foot out because I bet you are going to goof up at some point and you will be in a much worse situation.

[Olderandwiser49]

It appears your feelings for your bf are not strong enough to have an exclusive relationship. Because of your on/off relationship and being stupid and impulsive (your words, not mine), it's only a matter of time before you don't stop the come-on. It might be best to consider breaking things off before that happens. With time (and another lady) he would get over a breakup due to incompatability, but he'll hate forever a cheating slut.

[enfant terrible]

I am trying to decide whether I should tell my bf about something that happened with a male friend on Saturday night. I went out dancing with a couple of people, including a male friend that I've always been attracted to, but nothing has ever happened between us because I've been with my current bf the whole time I've known him.
*
I don't see this friend all that much, and my bf and I have been a bit on/off over the past 8mths, so the last my friend heard was that we'd broken up. Anyway, we were having lots of fun dancing, drinking etc and at one point he pulled me off the dancefloor, told me that he thinks I am amazing, and then tried to kiss me. I stopped him, then told him I was back together with my bf. Then we had quite a long chat about feeling attracted to each other etc etc. It took a lot of self-control to stop things from happening (I love my bf, but I have always been impulsive and well, a bit stupid really.. .something I am trying to change...), but now I feel really weird. Should I tell my bf what happened? I want to be completely honest with him about everything, big or small, but I don't know if telling him about this would be just stupid...
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Yes you should tell him about it. It's good because that way he can control you better in the future and also put you on a shorter leash which you seem to need. So off you pop, go tell.

[Mish]

Yes you should tell him about it. It's good because that way he can control you better in the future and also put you on a shorter leash which you seem to need. So off you pop, go tell.

Wtf? How is her bf controlling her or keeping her on a leash? Where did you read that in the OP's post?

To the OP:

If you plan not to see this friend anymore then you don't have to say anything to your bf. If you are staying friends with him though, then your bf should be aware of his intentions.

[jessZ]

Thanks everyone, so many well-considered and thoughtful answers. I've been leaning towards not telling, because I think my main motivation for doing so relates more to easing my conscience than genuine care for my bf. So I've decided not to tell, not see my friend anymore, and have a good think about the more fundamental issue of why I got myself into that situation in the first place, and whether I should really be in my current relationship.

Thanks again all :-) xx