Ex-bloke is constantly in my face.

[Jas_mine]

I posted my moany rant of a break-up story not too long ago - [url]http://www.loveforum.net/broken-hearts-forum/40580-six-weeks-counting.html[/url] - and a select few who offered an ear as well as words of wisdom are quite aware of what was my nothing out of the ordinary situation.

Anyway, so ex-bloke whom I shall aptly name as Mr Religious has recently been majorly in my face (as the title of the thread cleverly points out!), he has been conveniently approaching me when he knows I am alone in my room just to borrow things - a book, keys, safety pins, fags (okay, so you can't actually borrow cigarettes but you get my drift) and such, has been indulging in flirty 'touching' as well as eagerly enquiring about my life and paying a few compliments. I know for a fact he is not romantically interested, yes we still have feelings for each other but we are actively moving on with our lives. It was made clear when we broke-up that we should steer clear of each other, as in no talking, no friendship, no nothing - this was the easiest method as we have attempted the whole friends thing before and it lasted about two nano-seconds.

Mr Religious started this convo the other day about how what we had was so amazing and how we have gone from that amazing to absolutely nothing, that he misses me as a person, that he hates how I ignore him and fail to even acknowledge him, like when we walk past each other or when he holds doors open for me or tries to be helpful in other very small ways, that he wishes I would look at him and talk to him, that he had thought about asking me to go watch a movie that I had expressed an interest in a while ago, and whether it was okay if he could text me sometimes and if I could text him too sometimes. And get this, out of nowhere he just randomly hugged me whilst apologising at the same time. Yep, dude is just plain strange.

I know he misses the companionship but I don't understand the need to maintain some form of friendship, it will only undo any progress we have made so far, we are at a stage where we are adapting to life without the other and being in contact will only hinder this further. I don't know, he's a genuinely nice guy, a complete gentleman, I just can't ignore him but I don't quite know what being friends will exactly help achieve.

[xxazurexx]

LOLS, I think he want's be to friends....awwww

DON'T GO THERE!! It aint worth it ...take it from me who was stuck in that situation for an age and a half!

I sometimes think it's guilt on their part, as to why they want to be friends. But guilt only keeps them around for so long and once their guilt is relieved, they disappear.

I dunno, it's possible he might be regretting ending things. How do you know for sure he isn't?

[Petit Papillon]

Tell me...How come you know what he wants if you do no contact rule?? Or maybe you do it "just sometimes"??? Do it whether 100% or not at all if you want it to work!I tell you,you be better if you move on, but you have the choice.
He is the ****ing past period.

[Jas_mine]

I know what he wants as it was made extreeeeeeeemely clear when we broke-up! And he has texted me a few times explaining himself so it's pretty evident. He wants to marry some random chick to please his mama - religion, culture and all that jazz.

I suppose he wants to hang with me as friends for the companionship factor until the random chick comes along on the scene which is when he ditches me and goes to play happy families! How very nice!

[lahnnabell]

Sounds like he's not getting any. I guarantee you if he were you wouldn't be hearing from him. Perhaps he thinks this little ruse will get him into your bed? Or is he soo religious that he wants to save himself for marriage?

He may have a guilt trip going on too. He made the decision to act like a tool, so let him deal with it. Don't let the fact that you enjoy the attention trip you up

[Jas_mine]

Lahnna, I get more attention from my nextdoor neighbour's cat! There are a few dudes already on the scene so it's not like I thrive on whatever slight consideration or concern he expresses. And yes, if it were any other guy I would immediately think he just wants to get laid but he isn't like that - besides me he has only ever slept with one other woman and that was his ex-wife, the one he had an arranged marriage to at the age of twenty-four (he is thirty-three this month!) so suppose there are some religious factors in play but ultimately he just isn't the kind of guy who sleeps around meaninglessly.

[xxazurexx]

I think it's too often assumed, that exes tend to want to keep us around as friends and for a 'booty call'.
While that is true in a lot of cases, it isn't for the majority.

My ex wanted friends and a friendship continued with him for over a year, until I ended it. No 'booty call' at all involved, so it wasn't a 'booty call' he came looking for, nor a booty call that kept him around. It wasn't 'guilt' that kept him around either, or he wouldn't have stuck around for so long or continued to want to stick around.
While distance was a factor I think and as to why our relationship didn't progress, I reckon he must have just genuinely liked me as a person and enjoyed chatting to me.
We are totally on the same wave length, shared absolutely everything and we'd become really close. He would say that he'd never felt so close to anyone, as he did to me. Said he totally trusted me and could tell me everything and anything, that he wouldn't dare tell anyone else, that he could be 'himself' with me. I guess some ties are not easily severed and despite the fact it may not lead to a full blown committment.

Has he got other friends he hangs around with? I mean he must have some guy mates.
If he does and socialises a lot, then he perhaps would have no need to keep you around. If he's still feeling a need to keep you around and despite having friends, then he's genuinely missing and wanting YOU and your company.

If he's a kinda reserved guy who stays at home majority of the time, then he could be lonely. Therefore he has time on hands and to be thinking about things and mulling things over and time on his hands to realise he may be missing you.

The thing is and while your situation is not unique Jas....you are dealing with a somewhat 'unique' guy here and because he's from a whole different world, to that of which you are accustomed and used too.

Lifestyle, culturally, racially and religiously, you are 'worlds apart' (same as was with the guy in my situation) and I guess this guy feels like he has to play by the rules and do what is expected of him and that which he has been brainwashed into doing....that is the saddest part
He may want to be with you, but he knows he can't and for the long term.

I dunno. Friends sucks though. I didn't deal with it very well...you probably wouldn't either.

[xxazurexx]

I suppose he wants to hang with me as friends for the companionship factor until the random chick comes along on the scene which is when he ditches me and goes to play happy families! How very nice!

lol, that is what I'd said to the guy in my situation. You only want me and until some random chick comes along, then I won't hear from you again.

He'd sworn that wouldn't happen, that he wasn't letting me go,...uhm LOLs

[Olderandwiser49]

Mr Religious started this convo the other day about how what we had was so amazing and how we have gone from that amazing to absolutely nothing, that he misses me as a person, that he hates how I ignore him and fail to even acknowledge him

Let him know that the breakup was his idea, not yours; that you have moved on with your life, and in the process, have come to realize that the breakup was a good idea. Wish him well, and suggest it would be better for him to seek friendship (or whatever) elsewhere.

[Jas_mine]

Haha - he's no loner!

"We are totally on the same wave length, shared absolutely everything and we'd become really close. He would say that he'd never felt so close to anyone, as he did to me. Said he totally trusted me and could tell me everything and anything, that he wouldn't dare tell anyone else, that he could be 'himself' with me."

- yep, that's exactly the same scenario here!

[xxazurexx]

Haha - he's no loner!

"We are totally on the same wave length, shared absolutely everything and we'd become really close. He would say that he'd never felt so close to anyone, as he did to me. Said he totally trusted me and could tell me everything and anything, that he wouldn't dare tell anyone else, that he could be 'himself' with me."

- yep, that's exactly the same scenario here!

Therein lies your answer ...he's missing YOU and he has every good reason to be missing you and when you shared so much and had developed a strong connection. Which is why he's trying to get close again.

[lahnnabell]

Well, regardless, he can't have his cake and eat it too. He wants to be close and have a connection, but their break-up was initiated by him in the first place. That would tick me off.

[xxazurexx]

I don't think she's planning on being his friend Lahnna. More curious as to why he'd want to be a friend I think and when he'd initiated the break.

But I agree. I think if a guy initiated a breakup with me, I could never and no way would do friends either. I did that once before a long time ago and he was only after a 'booty call' only I was way to dumb to see it back then.
My current situation was different in that nobody initiated a breakup, but we'd had a bad argument and we stopped talking. 2 months later he comes back and things seemed to go to friends. I think a lot had to do with the distance between us also. When you are long distance, you can't make up in the same way you can in real life and when you aren't having that physical contact it doesn't progress....

The whole top and bottom of Jas's guy is, is that he should have told Jas from the very start and where she stood and that he may not be around 'long term'. Then she could have made a choice as to whether to get involved with him or not. He likely made promises, he knew he wouldn't be able to keep. I know EXACTLY what these guys are like and Mid Eastern guys have a reputation for it. They lure you in, make you the centre of their world and you get swept of your feet in the process
I think the guy in my situation is from the same cultural background and religous sect...lol. He wouldn't have remained with me either for the long haul.
They don't have their own minds/or are too chicken and they have to marry who mommy or daddy says they marry....lol

[Jas_mine]

We continued with the relationship hoping that the other person would change their mind - he kept asking me if I would convert and the answer was a firm no. He would've been okay with it but there was pressure from his family for me to do so and he wouldn't dare displease them. He considered going it alone but I guess he ultimately couldn't which is fair enough. It ended when he demanded to know whether I could stop drinking and could guarantee our children would be his religion to which my reaction was 'piss off'! Relationships are about compromise, what exactly are you sacrificing?

I do need to stop banging on about it though! We agreed to keep our distance because we naturally still love each other - staying in contact and being friends would not help us move on. I think he still has his fingers crossed that I will change my mind but I am too sure of myself. Am glad somebody understands my situation though, is a bit alien but thank God for Azure eh!

[dono01]

Ex-bloke is constantly in my face...

Then punch it.