Needing help and advice

[jsteele87]

Me and my girlfriend met through the army and we started dating in january of this year. we are very much in love with each other and when things are good they are very good. but she is deployed until december and even though that isn't the issue, as anybody would know it is a strain. we talk to each other quite frequently and there is no issue of us not being able to communicate. but i guess communicating effectively might be the problem. but the big issue is when i bring stuff up to her that bothers me, she gets very defensive to the point we argue. and she doesn't like to talk about it even though she says she does, when it gets to that point all she likes to do is just forget about it without talking about it. and she tells me that she would never leave and all that but when it get to the point of a arguement she starts to threaten that we need to end things. i also said i had to get out the relationship a few months back but she asked me to get her more of a chance and i haven't said anything about breaking up again even though she does this quite a few times and when she gets angry everything she says she is gonna do just gets thrown out the window. i am now at a point where i am not sure it will change but i do love her and want to think she will. can i get any advise from anyone. all advise is excepted.

[cmacattack1]

It's stubbornness and her inability to listen that is fueling this current decline. At the same time, you could be contributing with how you approach the subject and what you are upset about with her. It could make all the difference in who has more responsibility in this, although you both still do.

Ending the argument without a solution and pretending like it didn't happen is not an effective way to solve things. She might not like hearing it and will probably think "I don't need to change for him, he should like me for me" kind of attitude. Threatening to end it is just a way to pacify you until you stop bringing it up. It's low blow tactics and that's not cool.

But like I said it depends on what you are criticizing about and how you are approaching it too. If you point blank accuse her of doing certain things or being a certain way, it probably won't get you what you want. So you have to try different approaches, maybe suggest solutions instead of problems, etc. etc.

[jsteele87]

Thanks for the advice